Achieving a Band 7 in the IELTS Writing Task 2, this essay on academic pressure outlines significant causes and viable solutions. While it demonstrates clarity and cohesion, enhancing vocabulary could further elevate the response. Understand key aspects of this essay to improve your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both causes and solutions related to academic pressure and teenage mental health. It meets the word count requirement (278 words) and stays on topic. The response is well-organized and clear, though lexical range is adequate rather than sophisticated. Overall, a solid Band 7 performance.
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In recent years, academic pressure has become a significant factor affecting teenagers’ mental health. Many students experience anxiety, depression, and burnout due to the high expectations placed on them by schools, parents, and society. This growing problem not only affects their current well-being but also has long-term implications for their personal and professional development.
One of the main causes of this issue is the intense competition in the education system. Students are often required to achieve high grades, prepare for multiple examinations, and participate in extracurricular activities simultaneously. This creates excessive stress, leaving little time for relaxation or social interaction. In addition, parental expectations can exacerbate the problem. Many parents push their children to excel academically, sometimes disregarding their emotional needs. The widespread use of social media also contributes to mental health challenges, as teenagers constantly compare themselves with peers, feeling inadequate when they perceive others as more successful.
To address this issue, several solutions can be implemented. Firstly, schools should promote a balanced approach to education by reducing excessive homework and providing opportunities for creative and physical activities. This can help students manage stress more effectively. Secondly, parents should focus on supporting their children emotionally rather than solely emphasizing grades. Open communication and encouragement can improve teenagers’ resilience. Finally, mental health awareness programs should be introduced in schools to educate students about coping strategies, stress management, and the importance of seeking professional help when necessary.
In conclusion, academic pressure is a serious concern that affects teenagers’ mental health. By fostering a supportive educational environment, encouraging healthy parental involvement, and raising awareness about mental well-being, this problem can be mitigated, allowing students to thrive both academically and personally.
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Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay fully addresses all parts of the question. It identifies relevant causes (competition, parental expectations, social media) and proposes practical solutions (school balance, parental support, awareness programs). The ideas are well-developed and directly respond to the prompt.
Examples
Causes: 'intense competition in the education system', 'parental expectations', 'widespread use of social media'. Solutions: 'schools should promote a balanced approach', 'parents should focus on emotional support', 'mental health awareness programs'.
How to Improve
To improve, consider adding a more nuanced discussion or a specific example (e.g., a study or anecdote) to strengthen the argument. Ensure that each cause and solution is explored in slightly more depth.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, separate paragraphs for causes and solutions, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'secondly', 'finally', 'in addition') are used effectively to guide the reader. Transitions between ideas are smooth.
Examples
Use of 'one of the main causes', 'in addition', 'to address this issue', 'firstly', 'secondly', 'finally', 'in conclusion'.
How to Improve
For a higher band, vary linking phrases more (e.g., 'another contributory factor is...', 'a further remedy could be...'). Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to the main argument.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate and appropriate for the task. Words like 'exacerbate', 'resilience', 'mitigated', and 'coping strategies' show some range. However, there is occasional repetition (e.g., 'teenagers', 'academic pressure') and a lack of more sophisticated or precise lexis.
Examples
Good: 'intense competition', 'exacerbate the problem', 'promote a balanced approach', 'resilience'. Repetitive: 'mental health issues' used multiple times; could use 'psychological distress', 'emotional well-being'.
How to Improve
Expand lexical range by using synonyms and more formal academic expressions. For instance, replace 'stress management' with 'stress mitigation techniques', and vary descriptors for 'teenagers' (e.g., 'adolescents', 'young learners'). Avoid overusing 'problem' – try 'challenge', 'issue', 'concern'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with mostly error-free sentences. Complex structures are attempted (e.g., relative clauses, conditional phrases) and are generally accurate. There is some repetition in sentence openings (e.g., many sentences start with 'students' or 'parents'), but overall control is strong.
Examples
Correct complex sentence: 'This growing problem not only affects their current well-being but also has long-term implications for their personal and professional development.' Minor issue: 'participate in extracurricular activities simultaneously' – could be smoother with 'while also participating in extracurricular activities'.
How to Improve
To reach Band 8, introduce more varied sentence structures – e.g., starting with adverbial clauses ('Despite the challenges...'), using inversion, or employing passive voice where appropriate. Proofread to avoid minor awkward phrasing and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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