This IELTS Writing Task 2 essay achieved a Band score of 5.5 and discusses career paths. The response lacks clarity and structure, impacting the overall argument. Improving paragraph organization and providing specific examples can elevate the essay’s effectiveness for future submissions.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Successful Careers · 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay provides a general discussion on career paths but lacks depth in discussing both views. The response meets the word count requirement but requires a more structured argument and paragraphing. Some ideas are relevant but not well-developed, impacting clarity.
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I would say it completely depends upon the type of career paths as individuals / young-adults choose. It takes time, energy, efforts, as well as mental maturity rather than blindly following society's advices on career paths. I would say it's ok for people to have a successful career depending upon the type of course which will be beneficial for them not only in terms of having a successful career and an earning source of income, but also should teach real-world problem solving application oriented vocational training skills. Others who blindly follow due to peer pressure or due to family, societal pressure end up failing miserably the most in terms of their career paths as well as earning sources. It completely depends upon the situation's, circumstances and other scenarios that he / she as an individual is born with and what does he / she believe in terms of having a successful career to study / enroll themselves in a university / college right after high school or to start working directly as everyone's situation plays a major role, along with interests and other sources of income for real-world survival skills. I would say the best way to have a successful career is to start working and do take a break after finishing school, after experiencing working if that particular individual doesn't feel like doing it lifelong there is always an option to upskill into short-term courses with different types of degrees and certificates which are globally recognized, in terms of worth of money, time, efforts along with consistency as depending upon their physical, mental health and capacity how much academic pressue can one handle.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| depends upon the type of career paths as individuals / young-adults choose | depends on the types of career paths that individuals or young adults choose | Incorrect use of 'upon'; 'depends on' is the correct phrase, and 'that' is needed for the relative clause. |
| society's advices | society's advice | The word 'advice' is uncountable and does not take a plural form. |
| due to family, societal pressure | due to family or societal pressure | Missing conjunction 'or' to properly connect items in a list. |
| depends upon the situation's, circumstances | depends on the situations, circumstances | Incorrect use of 'upon' and undesired possessive; 'depends on' is the proper phrase, and no possessive is needed. |
| I would say the best way to have a successful career is to start working and do take a break | I would say the best way to have a successful career is to start working and take a break | Unnecessary auxiliary 'do'; 'take' alone is sufficient in this context. |
| academic pressue | academic pressure | Spelling mistake; missing 'r' in 'pressure'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| efforts | effort | The singular form 'effort' is more commonly used in this context. |
| earning source of income | source of income | Redundant phrase; 'source of income' is sufficient. |
| failing miserably the most | experience significant failure | More precise wording for a formal context. |
| real-world survival skills | practical survival skills | More formal and precise wording. |
| worth of money | value for money | 'Value for money' is the correct phrase to express cost-effectiveness. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay somewhat addresses the task, discussing various factors influencing career success. However, it doesn't fully explore both views: studying at university versus starting work immediately after school, and it lacks a clear personal opinion with supporting arguments.
Examples
The essay touches on the impact of societal pressure and individual circumstances but doesn't fully compare the options of higher education and immediate employment.
How to Improve
Better structure could improve clarity, with one paragraph for each viewpoint (university vs. work) and a separate paragraph clearly stating and supporting your opinion. Provide specific examples or reasons for each view and your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to structure the response, though ideas are not clearly organised, and transitions between ideas are sometimes confusing. The essay needs clearer paragraphing to structure the argument.
Examples
The essay uses input phrases like "I would say" repeatedly without logically connecting sentences or paragraphs, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow.
How to Improve
Improve coherence by using clear paragraphing with topic sentences. Also, use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately to link ideas more effectively.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary range is adequate, with some appropriate but occasionally imprecise lexical choice. There is an evident attempt to use complex vocabulary, though sometimes not used accurately or effectively.
Examples
Terms like "real-world problem solving application oriented vocational training skills" are ambitious but awkward and unclear.
How to Improve
Aim for greater precision and appropriateness in word choice. Practice using varied vocabulary in context to ensure accuracy and naturalness.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There is a range of grammatical structures, but these are frequently inaccurate, particularly in simple and complex sentence forms. This affects overall readability.
Examples
Errors such as "situation's," "he / she as an individual," and "academic pressue" reduce clarity.
How to Improve
Focus on grammar accuracy by practicing common sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Revise for punctuation and spelling errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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