This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses career success from two perspectives but struggles with clarity and specific examples. To improve, focus on providing detailed arguments relevant to the topic and transitioning between ideas more smoothly.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Successful Careers · 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the task by discussing both views, but it lacks sufficient development and specific examples for each viewpoint. The arguments are generic and do not directly relate to the topic of university education versus starting work after school. Additionally, the essay uses a generic template without providing real content specific to the question. Overall, the essay meets the word count requirement but could improve by being more focused and detailed.
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IELTS Discussion Essay Template (Discuss Both Views and Give Your Opinion)
In recent years, there has been considerable debate regarding the given issue. Some people believe that this development brings numerous benefits, whereas others argue that it may have several drawbacks. This essay will discuss both views in detail before presenting my own opinion.
On the one hand, those who support the first viewpoint claim that it offers various advantages. One of the main reasons is that it can have a positive impact on individuals and society. Moreover, supporters argue that this approach may improve people's quality of life and create more opportunities in different fields. In addition, it may contribute to social and economic progress in many countries. As a result, many people consider this view to be beneficial and practical.
On the other hand, opponents of this view believe that the alternative perspective is more suitable. They argue that relying on the first approach can lead to certain problems and negative consequences. Furthermore, they maintain that the second viewpoint provides better long-term outcomes and helps to overcome potential difficulties. In addition, this perspective may ensure greater stability and sustainability in the future. Therefore, this opinion is also supported by a significant number of people.
In conclusion, both views have their own merits and should be carefully considered. Although each side presents convincing arguments, I believe that the advantages of the latter viewpoint outweigh those of the former. This is because it appears to be more effective, practical, and beneficial in the long run.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay discusses both sides but lacks depth and specific examples related to the topic.
Examples
The essay talks generically about benefits and drawbacks without mentioning specific career paths or educational choices.
How to Improve
Include specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the benefits of attending university versus starting a career immediately after school.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay is organized but relies heavily on a template and lacks logical progression of ideas.
Examples
Statements like 'it may contribute to social and economic progress' are not clearly linked to the essay question.
How to Improve
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph directly supports the central argument, with clear linkages between points.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary is sufficient but repetitive, relying on generic terms rather than topic-specific language.
Examples
Words like 'advantages', 'disadvantages', 'benefits' are used without specific context.
How to Improve
Enhance vocabulary by using more varied and precise words that are directly relevant to the essay topic.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammatical structures are correct but simplistic; a wider range of sentence structures is needed.
Examples
The essay uses simple sentence structures with minimal complex or compound sentences.
How to Improve
Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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