Achieving a band score of 5.5 on your IELTS essay about crime prevention reveals key areas for improvement, particularly in coherence and vocabulary. This essay discusses mentoring by criminals versus professional educators and indicates that enhancing logical flow and vocabulary usage could significantly boost the score. Here’s a breakdown of the feedback to help you improve.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Criminal Behaviour · 40 min
Some people believe that the best way to prevent young people from engaging in criminal behaviour is through mentoring by those who have overcome a criminal past. Others think that professional educators or psychologists are more suitable for this role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, it is hindered by incoherent structure, limited vocabulary, and frequent grammatical errors, ultimately resulting in a 5.5 band score.
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In this time crime rate is increasing rapidly where number of individuals think that the best way to decrease criminal behaviour from youngsters is through showing documentary or mentoring by those who have overcome a criminal past at the same time some people think that professional educators or psychologists are perfect for this role. In this essay I will give my opinion on both side and my personal view.
Firstly, teenagers can be afraid to meet those people who are involve in crime in their past because children have seen it in a movies and they think this people are dangerous and they can harm them. Moreover, there are some criminals who have done more crime after they got out from jail as well as it could be risky to meet them. Therefore, we can find better options for example we can show children documentary and flims about there life after overcoming from a criminal history. Children can get information about what to do with there life, what is the good path?
Secondly, children who get knowledge about crime and voilence from professional educators and psychologists seem safe and more reasonable because they know much better about crime and how to avoid it. They know more about human psychology how people enter in crime? why they do voilence? as well as professionals know how to prevent it. Moreover, they have spend time with those criminal and know about there behaviour. Taking lessons from educators and psychologist is the best way to know about crimal behaviour.
In my opinion, best way to prevent younger generation from involving in crime and voilence is through professional educators because it is safer and more informative at the same time mentoring by criminals who have overcome from their criminal history seems dangerous and unsafe.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
4 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| flims | films |
| voilence | violence |
| there | their |
| crimal | criminal |
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| those people who are involve in crime | those people who are involved in crime | Incorrect verb form. 'Involved' is the correct past participle form. |
| think this people are dangerous | think these people are dangerous | Subject-pronoun agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'these'. |
| both side | both sides | Plural form needed to agree with 'both'. |
| have spend time | have spent time | Incorrect verb form. 'Spent' is the correct past participle of 'spend'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| can get information | can gain insight | More precise and academically appropriate choice of words. |
| perfect for this role | suitable for this role | 'Suitable' is a more accurate choice than 'perfect', which is absolute. |
| dangerous and unsafe | potentially risky | 'Potentially risky' is a more precise and neutral term. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses both perspectives and includes an opinion, meeting the task requirements. However, it lacks depth in the analysis and does not fully develop supporting arguments in some parts.
Examples
The essay identifies the role of criminal mentors and professional educators but does not fully elaborate on their comparative effectiveness.
How to Improve
Develop each argument with specific examples or evidence. Elaborate more on why one approach might be better than the other, providing logical reasoning to strengthen the task response.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with logical flow and sentence connections, leading to confusion at times.
Examples
The transition between discussing the criminal mentors and professional educators lacks smoothness; ideas are sometimes disjointed.
How to Improve
Improve paragraph transitions and use linking words effectively to guide the reader through the arguments. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and connect logically to the next.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and repetitive. The essay does not demonstrate a wide range of vocabulary, and some words are used incorrectly.
Examples
Use of the terms 'voilence' and 'crimal' suggests a need for vocabulary review and correct spelling.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and their appropriate contexts. Practice using new words to express ideas more precisely and accurately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, affecting clarity. Issues include incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and sentence fragments.
Examples
Errors like 'people who are involve in crime' and 'have spend time' indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy.
How to Improve
Focus on practicing basic grammar rules, especially verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Proofread your writing to catch and correct common errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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