This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay explores the integration of computers in education. While it addresses both views, the main issues include a lack of clarity and coherence in the development of ideas. Improving these aspects could enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Computers in Education · 40 min
Some argue that the increasing integration of computers into education is a positive and inevitable development. Others express concern that this technological advancement could render the role of teachers obsolete. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count with 258 words and addresses the task by discussing both views on the integration of computers into education. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks clarity in places due to awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
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Well according to my opinion, there should be a balance related to computers into education along with traditional teaching. But at the same time there should be more integration into revamping the education system with the help of technology more compared to traditional route methods.
The reason is that there should be a balance is because anything too much in excess can cause a disaster in any forms of teaching methods, but at the same time one cannot ignore and not implement computers at all into education as it has become a necessity now for editing and making tasks / things do much easier compared to the traditional method.
There should be a balance in the type of education system with a mixture of theoritical as well as practical / application oriented learning in all schools till universities but most importantly, the type of teaching method should be innovative in such a way that the students easily understand and not lag behind along with the usage of computers and other technological devices for assignments, project works, practical oriented examination works and dessertation till university level.
Along with the traditional methods, one shouldn't be very hesitant enough to train and guide teachers and other professors to implement technology and computers into education and change their style of implementation into teaching methods as well as assessing a child's capability and including it's unique ability to explore and venture out in the real-world and that too prepared in such a way that they have confidence, life-skills, survival skills, business acumen etc.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| theoritical | theoretical |
| dessertation | dissertation |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| there should be a balance is because | the reason for balance is | Phrase structure is awkward; more concise and grammatically correct. |
| in any forms of teaching methods | in any form of teaching methods | Incorrect noun form: 'form' should be singular. |
| making tasks / things do much easier | making tasks or activities much easier | Incorrect structure; use 'or' and remove 'do' for clarity. |
| in such a way that the students easily understand and not lag behind | in such a way that students easily understand and do not lag behind | Missing subject 'students' and incorrect verb form 'do not'. |
| one shouldn't be very hesitant enough | one shouldn't be hesitant | Redundant use of 'very' and 'enough'; unnecessary intensifiers. |
| and including it's unique ability | and including its unique ability | Incorrect possessive form; use 'its' not 'it's'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| according to my opinion | in my opinion | Redundant phrase; 'in my opinion' is more concise. |
| revamping | reforming | 'Reforming' is more appropriate in an academic context for systematic change. |
| route methods | traditional methods | Incorrect or less common collocation; 'traditional methods' is standard. |
| tasks / things | tasks or activities | 'Things' is vague; 'activities' is more specific and formal. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses both views on the integration of computers into education and presents an opinion clearly. However, the argument lacks depth, and some points are not fully developed.
Examples
The essay suggests balancing traditional and technological methods but does not expand deeply on how this balance could be achieved.
How to Improve
To improve, the essay could include more specific examples or details about how technology improves education and why traditional methods are still necessary.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to organize ideas logically but lacks coherence at times. Some sentences and ideas do not flow smoothly.
Examples
The transitions between discussing the need for technological integration and the necessity of traditional methods are not very clear.
How to Improve
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should use clearer topic sentences and linking devices to ensure that ideas are logically connected throughout the text.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to education and technology but lacks precision in some phrases.
Examples
Phrases like 'balance related to computers into education' and 'traditional route methods' are somewhat awkward.
How to Improve
To improve lexical resource, the essay could incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary while avoiding repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay shows a limited range of grammatical structures and includes several grammatical errors, affecting clarity.
Examples
Errors such as 'disaster in any forms of teaching methods' and 'it's unique ability' reduce accuracy.
How to Improve
Improving grammatical accuracy can be achieved by careful proofreading and seeking feedback to correct common errors, such as incorrect verb forms and possessive pronouns.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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