This IELTS Writing Task 2 essay scored a band 5.5, addressing high income from two perspectives. The main feedback highlights clarity issues and grammatical errors that hinder effective communication. In this analysis, we will explore how to refine arguments and enhance the overall essay structure.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · High Incomes · 40 min
Some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people think that this is beneficial for the nation, others believe that the government should limit how much money people can make. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the task and discusses both views on high incomes and government regulation, but it lacks depth and clarity in argumentation. Frequent grammatical errors, limited vocabulary, and issues with coherence reduce the overall quality. While the word count meets the requirement, the essay needs significant improvement in structure, language use, and idea development to achieve a higher band score.
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It is admittedly true that, money is the most essential thing to survive around the world. some people in different areas earn a lot of money and it is beneficial for the nation while some people believe income should be limited by the government how much people need to earn. Both of their of perspective will be narrated in the following and with my personal opinion in the following paragraph.
people earn money to meet their demand with the passage of time. money is needed in life to survive in the world. First of all, if someone wants to spend life with their family, there are several demand have to meet. in today's world, people always want high income to carry out their family cost, such as, education, health care , living , these costs generally family meet. a group of people high income in different areas around the world.those who earn high salary they can contribute in different ways such as , poverty, social , and charitable activities, these work are generally good for the society, which help the society in many ways.
On the other hand, people income should be fixed by the authority. basically all people do not have suitable job because a large number of people do not income daily, as a result, government has to suffer different kinds of problem if government income fix, individuals may not meet demand. different people have different demand.
In conclusion it can be said that after above discussion that , although income is very important to live in the world.However, people need money more more but government should not fix income. i strongly believe that, society can can be benefited by more revenue.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| money is the most essential thing to survive around the world | money is the most essential thing for surviving around the world | Gerund form 'for surviving' is needed here instead of infinitive 'to survive'. |
| some people in different areas earn a lot of money and it is beneficial | some people in different areas earn a lot of money, which is beneficial | Misplaced modifier: comma needed to clarify that the earning is beneficial. |
| Both of their of perspective | Both of these perspectives | Plural form correction, and removal of redundant 'of'. |
| people earn money to meet their demand with the passage of time | people earn money to meet their demands over time | 'Demands' should be plural and 'over time' instead of 'with the passage of time'. |
| several demand have to meet | several demands have to be met | The word 'demand' should be plural, and passive voice 'have to be met' is appropriate. |
| people high income | people with high income | Preposition 'with' is needed to indicate possession. |
| government income fix | government fixes income | Subject-verb agreement: the verb should be 'fixes'. |
| society can can be benefited | society can benefit | Remove repetition and use active voice. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| carry out their family cost | cover their family expenses | More appropriate collocation: 'cover expenses' is more accurate. |
| a group of people high income | people with high incomes | Use 'people with high incomes' for clarity and accuracy. |
| government has to suffer different kinds of problem | government faces various problems | 'Faces various problems' is a more precise and formal phrase. |
| more more | more and more | Correct idiomatic expression is 'more and more'. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task by discussing both perspectives and providing an opinion. However, the arguments are underdeveloped and lack sufficient examples or evidence to support the claims. The opinion is stated but not well-justified.
Examples
For instance, the essay mentions that high-income earners contribute to society through charitable activities but does not provide specific examples or elaborate on how this benefits the nation.
How to Improve
Develop arguments with more depth and provide specific examples or evidence to support your points. Clearly explain how high incomes benefit society or why government regulation might be necessary.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas are not well-organized, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak. Repetition of ideas and unclear phrasing affect the flow.
Examples
Phrases like 'money is needed in life to survive in the world' and 'people need money more more' are repetitive and do not add clarity. Transitions such as 'On the other hand' are used but do not effectively connect ideas.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure logical progression of ideas. Avoid repetition and use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with frequent use of basic words like 'money,' 'income,' and 'demand.' There is little use of advanced or varied vocabulary, and some word choices are inappropriate or unclear.
Examples
Phrases like 'money is the most essential thing to survive' and 'government income fix' demonstrate limited lexical range and awkward phrasing.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and more precise terms. Use varied expressions to avoid repetition and ensure word choices are appropriate for the context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including issues with sentence structure, verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. These errors make the essay difficult to read and reduce its overall effectiveness.
Examples
Errors include 'some people in different areas earn a lot of money and it is beneficial for the nation' (missing punctuation) and 'different people have different demand' (incorrect plural form).
How to Improve
Focus on improving basic grammar, such as subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. Practice writing complex sentences accurately and review common grammatical rules.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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