This Band 5.5 IELTS essay tackles the topic of income limits, discussing varying viewpoints. While it attempts to cover both sides, issues of clarity and coherence hinder the overall effectiveness. Key areas for improvement include clearer argument development and better organization.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· High Incomes Β· 40 min
Some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people think that this is beneficial for the nation, others believe that the government should limit how much money people can make. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count (291 words) and partially addresses the task by discussing both views and giving an opinion, but the development is unclear and imbalanced. Coherence is affected by weak paragraphing and linking, while vocabulary and grammar contain frequent errors that reduce clarity.
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The idea of having large sums of money seems tempting, conversely, other people see accumulating money should be observed by governments. both views has their advantages and disadvantages. I believe that government should have a say but not total control.
Being able to buy anything a man wants sounds like the absolute freedom dream most people aspire to achieve oneday, but that very dream is the one that made the ultra powerful one percenters be like what they are today, made a very small group of people able to determine the fate of the rest, and set the rules of the game so that the situation stays like this.
on the other hand, when the government interference has absolute power, it gradually converts to a regime that resembles (or is) a dictatorship, in which everyone is hurt equally, except for the governing people, in that way, we also got another type of ultra powerful one percenters.
What I believe the correct set of regulations is that the government should be able to minimize the danger of inherent human greed, with laws that protect the innovation of humans so creativity is not taxed, but in the same way no one CEO is to become more powerful than the governing body itself, and the helpless people are protected from being eternal cog in an evil machine set to make the rich people even richer without advancing the wheel of human progress.
to summarize, both points of views may be beneficial, and both could be dangerous if not regulated, so my own view is something in between, observing eye" title="Correction: an observing eye">a bit of observing eye from the government with well-provided freedom so the innovators don't feel suffocated and imigrate to a more forgiving environment in another country.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| oneday | one day |
| imigrate | emigrate |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| see accumulating money should be observed | see that accumulating money should be observed | missing conjunction 'that' after 'see' |
| both views has | both views have | subject-verb agreement: 'views' is plural and requires 'have' |
| government should have | the government should have | article needed for specificity |
| on the other hand | On the other hand | capitalization error: start of sentence should be capitalized |
| we also got | we also get | tense consistency: use present tense for general statements |
| What I believe the correct set of regulations is | I believe that the correct set of regulations is | word order error: should start with 'I believe' for clarity |
| no one CEO | no CEO | ambiguous phrasing: 'no one' can mean nobody; use 'no CEO' for clarity |
| being eternal cog | being an eternal cog | missing article before singular noun |
| to summarize | To summarize | capitalization error: start of sentence should be capitalized |
| points of views | points of view | incorrect pluralization: 'point of view' plural is 'points of view' |
| a bit of observing eye | an observing eye | unidiomatic expression: 'a bit of' is unnecessary and informal |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| one percenters | the wealthiest one percent | too informal; use more formal term |
| be like what they are | become what they are | vague and informal phrasing; 'become' is more precise |
| ultra powerful | extremely powerful | informal intensifier; 'extremely' is more standard |
| got | have | informal for possession or result; use 'have' for present tense |
| evil machine | corrupt system | more precise and academic term |
| well-provided freedom | adequate freedom | wrong collocation; 'adequate' is more appropriate |
| forgiving environment | supportive environment | 'forgiving' is less common in this context; 'supportive' is clearer |
| a man wants | one wants | gender-neutral language preferred for inclusivity |
| absolute freedom dream | dream of absolute freedom | improve collocation and clarity |
| observing eye | watchful eye | more idiomatic expression |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to discuss both views and present an opinion, but it does not fully address the prompt. The first view (high incomes beneficial for the nation) is not explicitly discussed; instead, the focus is on negative aspects of wealth concentration. The second view (government should limit incomes) is exaggerated to absolute government control, which misrepresents the argument. The own opinion is stated but lacks detailed reasoning and examples.
Examples
For example, the essay states 'the ultra powerful one percenters... set the rules of the game' but does not explain how high incomes might benefit the nation. The opinion 'government should have a say but not total control' is vague and unsupported.
How to Improve
Clearly outline both views with balanced arguments: for instance, discuss how high incomes can drive investment and innovation (beneficial view), and how inequality might justify government limits (other view). Develop your opinion with specific reasons, such as progressive taxation or wealth caps, and include relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but the flow of ideas is disjointed. Cohesive devices are used inconsistently, and paragraphing is weak, with some sentences starting with lowercase letters, disrupting readability.
Examples
The transition 'on the other hand' is used but begins with a lowercase 'o'. The second paragraph is a long, run-on sentence that makes the argument hard to follow. The conclusion starts with 'to summarize' in lowercase.
How to Improve
Organize paragraphs around clear topic sentences: one for each view and one for your opinion. Use consistent capitalization and punctuation. Employ a range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'however', 'in contrast', 'therefore') to link ideas smoothly. Break long sentences into shorter, more manageable ones.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is somewhat informal and imprecise, with spelling errors and awkward word choices. The range is limited, and some terms are not appropriately academic.
Examples
Informal phrases like 'one percenters' and 'cog in an evil machine'; misspellings such as 'oneday' (should be 'one day') and 'imigrate' (should be 'emigrate'); imprecise word choice like 'observed by governments' (better as 'regulated' or 'monitored').
How to Improve
Use more formal vocabulary related to economics and governance, e.g., 'wealth inequality', 'income caps', 'economic incentives'. Proofread for spelling and word formation. Expand your lexical range by learning and incorporating topic-specific terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use complex grammar, but errors in subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation are frequent, which hinders meaning.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement error: 'both views has' (should be 'have'). Run-on sentence: 'Being able to buy anything... stays like this.' Incorrect verb form: 'made the ultra powerful one percenters be like what they are today.' Capitalization error: 'on the other hand'.
How to Improve
Focus on grammatical accuracy: practice subject-verb agreement, especially with plural subjects. Use punctuation correctly to separate clauses. Avoid run-on sentences by using conjunctions or splitting into multiple sentences. Review basic grammar rules and proofread for errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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