Achieving a Band 5.5 in IELTS requires a clear discussion of topics, as demonstrated in this essay about robots. While it touches on both views, clarity and coherence issues hinder the effectiveness of the arguments presented. In this analysis, we explore how to strengthen these aspects to improve your IELTS preparation.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Technology · 40 min
Some people believe robots are important for human development, others think they harm society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User. The essay meets the word count requirement and addresses both views of the task. While it has some good points, there are notable issues with coherence, cohesion, clarity of argument, and grammar.
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To begin with, some people thinks that robots plays a vital role in the advancement of human.But a group of people watches it so differently that they believe that robots can be the reason of creating chaos to the society.
First of all, we should talk about those who believe that robots can be used as an important part of our human race. If we think of how much stressful our life has become that we can't keep up with it nowadays.At the moment, we are far more busier than past. For instance, if we can recall our ancestors life,we can easily remember that how relaxed their life was. But, in modern days people are taking a lot of responsibility over their shoulder. To solve this overload & hectic life, robots can be a good choice. For example, by learning & training robots can play a similar role as human.Sometimes,robots are more efficient than us.Besides, robots can do such jobs which are tedious & tiresome for human body.This helps to work more smartly & efficiently.
On the contrary, some people argue that robots are harmful to our society.Although robot can solve & remove complexity from our life but it might take our job in near future.Moreover,in some countries it has made a huge impact already.Due to this a lot of job holders have been removed from their jobs which triggers the hatred for the robot.Furthermore, despite the fact that people are eligible for a role gets rejected by the authority.So, it creats a huge negative impact on those people who don't get the benefits from it.
In conclution, in my opinion i would recommend an equal rights for both humans and robots which can put an end of the argument.The authority should take a bold move where both parties will be treated equal & law should be made to maintain the balance between humans and robots.In addition to this, positive campaign presenting benefits of robots in our life can be vital because many people have no idea or vague idea about robots.However, humans need to be more proactive to overcome the challenges they will face afterwards.Finally, I would recommend that humans can get more positivity from robots rather negativity.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| thinks | think |
| plays | play |
| society.Although | society. Although |
| creates | creates |
| conclution | conclusion |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| the reason of creating chaos | the reason for creating chaos | Prepositional choice: 'reason for' is the correct collocation. |
| believe that robots can | believe that robots may | Modality: 'may' is used to express possibility about the future. |
| are far more busier than | are far busier than | Redundancy: 'far busier' is sufficient without 'more'. |
| recall our ancestors life | recall our ancestors' life | Possessive form: 'ancestors' needs an apostrophe to indicate possession. |
| which triggers the hatred for the robot | which triggers hatred for robots | Article misuse: 'hatred' is uncountable, so 'the' is unnecessary. |
| an equal rights | equal rights | Article misuse: 'rights' is plural, so 'an' is incorrect. |
| can put an end of the argument | can put an end to the argument | Preposition use: 'end to' is the correct phrase. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| over their shoulder | on their shoulders | Wrong collocation: 'responsibility' is usually taken 'on' someone's shoulders. |
| more smartly | smarter | Informal use: 'smarter' is the comparative form of 'smart'. |
| role in the advancement of human | role in the advancement of humanity | Precise term: 'humanity' is more appropriate when referring to the human species as a whole. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay discusses both sides of the argument and provides an opinion. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and clarity. There is a lack of detailed examples to support claims, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize key points.
Examples
The discussion on robots taking jobs lacks supporting data or examples. The conclusion's recommendation for 'equal rights for both humans and robots' is vague.
How to Improve
To improve, develop clearer arguments with specific examples and data where possible. Make sure both sides of the argument are equally developed and the conclusion effectively summarizes and supports the essay's main points.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The organization of ideas is generally predictable, but paragraphing could be improved. Transitions between some ideas are abrupt or missing, which affects the flow of the essay.
Examples
The jump from discussing the benefits of robots to the detriments is sudden. Use of cohesive devices such as 'However' or 'On the other hand' could be improved.
How to Improve
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use clearer topic sentences for paragraphs and ensure smooth transitions between ideas. Cohesive devices should be varied and used effectively to link ideas.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary range is adequate for discussing the topic, with some attempts at less common language, but also instances of inaccuracy.
Examples
Usage like 'put an end of the argument' is incorrect. Repetitive use of phrases like 'robot can'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range and ensure the accuracy of more complex word choices. Avoid over-relying on certain phrases and expressions.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains various grammatical errors that impede readability, such as incorrect subject-verb agreement, punctuation issues, and sentence fragments.
Examples
Errors include 'some people thinks', 'robots plays', 'creats', and run-on sentences without proper punctuation.
How to Improve
Focus on basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing complex sentences with correct punctuation and subject-verb agreement. Proofread carefully to avoid simple mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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