This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses whether students should choose their subjects freely. Key feedback highlights coherence issues and underdeveloped arguments, pointing out the need for more specific examples and smoother transitions. Improve your writing by understanding these common pitfalls!
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · University Students · 40 min
There are two opposing views on whether university students should be free to choose their own subjects or whether they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (271 words) and addresses the task by discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, the arguments are underdeveloped and lack specific examples. The structure is clear but coherence within paragraphs is weak. Vocabulary is adequate but with some inaccuracies, and grammatical errors reduce clarity.
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There is an ongoing debate about students freely choosing their subjects of interest or whether they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future and the society in terms of science and technology. Both perspectives present valid arguments, but I believe a more approachable manner can be beneficial.
On one hand, Students choosing their own subjects show the level of responsibility towards determining their ideal career paths. A lot of students already have aspirations of their careers in future and most science and technology subjects will not align in their career paths. Most students are more likely to excel in subjects and courses they are interested in. A lot of students might not even have the intelligence to excel in science and technology because not all intellects are the same and when these students are forced, it may result in lack of interest and motivation.
On the other hand, the economic growth of a country reflects on the advancement in their technology. Most world power countries around the world are at the position they are now because of how advanced they are in their approach to science and technology within their countries. Engaging students in subjects related to science and technology is a huge factor in this argument. The purpose of this helps in a country's development in terms of engineering, medicine, information technology and also in financial aspects.
In conclusion, although certain subjects may seem more beneficial and effective to the society for economic reasons, students should be allowed to freely choose subjects relating to their careers for a more balanced and sociable society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Students choosing | students choosing | Capitalization error: 'Students' should not be capitalized mid-sentence unless starting a new sentence. |
| in future | in the future | Missing definite article 'the' before 'future'. |
| align in | align with | Incorrect preposition; 'align with' is the standard collocation. |
| result in lack of interest | result in a lack of interest | Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'lack'. |
| reflects on the advancement | reflects the advancement | 'Reflects on' can mean to contemplate; here, 'reflects' alone means to show or indicate. |
| world power countries | world powers | Redundant phrasing; 'world powers' is concise. |
| The purpose of this helps | This helps | Grammatical error: 'The purpose of this' is a noun phrase and cannot be followed directly by a verb; rephrase for clarity. |
| to the society | to society | When referring to society in general, no article is needed. |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a more approachable manner | a more balanced approach | 'Approachable' is not apt for this context; 'balanced' is more precise for debates. |
| A lot of | Many | Informal; use 'Many' for academic writing. |
| show the level of responsibility | demonstrate responsibility | Wordy and vague; 'demonstrate' is more direct and academic. |
| aspirations of their careers | career aspirations | Awkward collocation; 'career aspirations' is standard. |
| intellects | aptitudes | Vague and can be misinterpreted; 'aptitudes' is more specific to academic capability. |
| huge factor | significant factor | 'Huge' is informal; 'significant' is more appropriate for academic writing. |
| financial aspects | economic aspects | 'Financial' is narrow; 'economic' is broader and more suitable. |
| sociable society | cohesive society | 'Sociable' is not typically used to describe societies; 'cohesive' implies social unity. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents both views and states an opinion, but the development is limited. Arguments are generalized and lack depth or specific examples to support them.
Examples
For instance, the first body paragraph mentions students excelling in subjects of interest but does not elaborate on how this benefits society or education. The second paragraph discusses economic growth but fails to connect it concretely to student subject choices.
How to Improve
Expand each argument with relevant examples, such as citing specific careers or societal benefits. Ensure the opinion is consistently supported throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, paragraph cohesion is weak, and ideas within paragraphs are not smoothly linked.
Examples
Transitions like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, but within paragraphs, sentences jump between points (e.g., from responsibility to intelligence without clear connectors). The conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the discussion.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'for example', 'in contrast') to connect ideas within paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the conclusion reinforces the main arguments.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task but repetitive and sometimes inaccurate. There is an attempt to use varied words, but collocations and word choice need improvement.
Examples
Phrases like 'approachable manner' (should be 'balanced approach' or 'pragmatic approach') and 'show the level of responsibility towards determining' are awkward. Repetition of 'subjects' and 'students' reduces lexical range.
How to Improve
Practice using synonyms and more precise academic vocabulary. Review collocations (e.g., 'pursue interests', 'economic development') and avoid vague expressions.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammar is a weakness, with several errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and word form. Sentences are mostly simple, and complex structures are attempted but with mistakes.
Examples
Errors include: 'a more approachable manner can be beneficial' (incorrect use of 'manner'), 'Students choosing... show' (should be 'shows' or rephrased), and 'not all intellects are the same' (better as 'not all individuals have the same intellectual strengths').
How to Improve
Focus on accurate use of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses, and proofread to correct grammatical errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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