This essay scored band 5.5 in IELTS due to coherence and grammatical issues when discussing university subjects. It addresses both views but lacks depth and clarity in argumentation. Improving transitions and employing more precise vocabulary would strengthen the writing.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · University Students · 40 min
There are two opposing views on whether university students should be free to choose their own subjects or whether they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word requirement of 272 words and addresses the task prompt. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and connection between ideas. There are also issues with grammatical accuracy and lexical precision.
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There are two contradictory views on whether university students should be able to select their own subjects or whether they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Those practices may benefit when this policy does not disrupt students' natural attention span.
On the one hand, if students can choose those subjects on the basis of their interest, that can have a positive effect. When they are studying, students take it more seriously because of their interest; they also find a positive vibe and give more effective results. For instance, if any one interested in politics, then he or she can not give a positive result in chemistry.
On the other hand, we saw that most of the students are not able to make better decisions about their future; for this reason, parents or teachers can help them to make better decisions about their future. Nowadays, the world is run by technology, so studying science and technology is necessary for all of the students. Without technology, they would not compete with the others.
In my own view, I always support science and technology. In the present world, all of the things like study, treatment, business, and connectivity are related to technology. If we do not know or study science, then we are behind the world. For example, in daily life, we are connected with our family by the internet, when we are not live torther, we even use the internet if we order food from various restaurants. So studying science and technology is much more effective for students.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| if any one interested in politics, then he or she can not give a positive result in chemistry | if anyone is interested in politics, then he or she cannot give a positive result in chemistry | Subject-verb agreement and contraction: 'anyone' is a singular subject and requires 'is'; 'cannot' is the correct contraction form |
| we saw that most of the students are not able to make better decisions | we see that most students are not able to make better decisions | Tense consistency: 'see' is the correct present tense form to match the rest of the sentence |
| to make better decisions about their future | to make good decisions about their future | 'Better' implies a comparison; 'good' is more appropriate without a comparative context |
| when we are not live torther | when we are not living together | Verb form and spelling: 'live' should be 'living' to match tense; 'torther' should be 'together' |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| positive vibe | positive atmosphere | Informal expression; 'positive atmosphere' is more suitable for academic writing |
| run by technology | driven by technology | Wrong collocation; 'driven' is more commonly used with 'technology' in academic contexts |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion. It sufficiently covers the basic requirements of the task, but lacks in-depth analysis or development of ideas.
Examples
The essay mentions students' interests and the global focus on technology but does not delve deeply into potential implications of each stance.
How to Improve
Expand on each view with more detailed arguments and examples. Explain the consequences or benefits of each position to provide a more thorough evaluation.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay follows a logical structure, discussing each view followed by the writer's opinion. However, transitions between ideas are weak, and there's a lack of cohesive devices.
Examples
The phrase 'On the other hand, we saw that...' lacks a clear connection to previous points. The transition from discussing student choice to technology is abrupt.
How to Improve
Use a variety of linking words to improve flow and clearly connect different points or paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the last.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate but not varied. Some word choices do not precisely convey the intended meaning.
Examples
Phrases like 'positive vibe' and 'live torther' show imprecise language use. 'Run by technology' is a somewhat informal expression for an academic essay.
How to Improve
Broaden your range of vocabulary to include more advanced and precise expressions. Avoid informal language in an academic context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and contains frequent errors, impacting clarity.
Examples
Errors include incorrect verb forms such as 'he or she can not give' and grammatical issues like 'live torther' and 'so studying science and technology is much more effective.'
How to Improve
Focus on improving sentence structure, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence variety. Practice writing complex sentences correctly.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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