This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses the role of advertising, but it suffers from clarity and development issues. The arguments presented are underdeveloped, and the essay lacks logical flow, making it difficult for readers to follow the discussion. Understanding these feedback points is essential for improving your IELTS Writing Task 2 score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· Advertising Β· 40 min
Advertising is everywhere; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some argue that advertising is a constructive element of our lives, while others argue that it is a bad component of our lives. Discuss both points of view and express your own.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on advertising and stating a personal opinion, but the development is shallow and lacks clear examples or logical progression. There are frequent language errors that affect clarity. The word count is exactly 250, meeting the minimum requirement. Overall, the response is adequate but requires significant improvement in all criteria.
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It is often argue that advertising is everywhere it is an unavoidable part of everyones life ,some argue that advertising is a constructive element of our lives, w hile others argue that it is bad component of our lives. This essay will discuss both sides and give my opinion.
On the first hand side, I believe that the advertising is good our modern socities , Its play a essential role in social media, It provide a useful information about products and help consumers make informed decision , many brands promoting a products and service for many social media apps .For instance Youtube , instagram, facebook and other platforms . Advertising plays a crucialnrole in influencing consumers.
On the other hand side, they can be misleading and manuplative
of our peoples mind and giving false impression. bad impact on our minds" title="Correction: Some advertisements have a bad impact on our minds">Some advertisements are bad impact of our mind, many people buying a products without planning to watching on tv. For instance like TV , Newspaper , Internet . Therefore , It is important to regulate advertising content . advertising are target to children and many childrens are wastes a money different games . However , Advertising often encourages consumerism by creating artifical needs. while need to improve quality and lower price , Without advertising consumers would find it difficult to say wide range of products.
In conclusion, Although advertising can encourage unnecessary consumption and sometime mislead people , promotion" title="Correction: It also provides essential promotion">Its also provide essential promotion and healthy competition. Overall advertising is beneficial and provided that properly regulated.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| everyones | everyone's |
| socities | societies |
| crucialnrole | crucial role |
| manuplative | manipulative |
| childrens | children |
| artifical | artificial |
| sometime | sometimes |
| w hile | while |
| peoples | people's |
Grammatical Mistakes
17 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| it is often argue | it is often argued | Passive voice requires past participle 'argued' |
| the advertising is good our modern socities | advertising is good for our modern societies | Missing preposition 'for' after 'good' |
| Its play a essential role | It plays an essential role | Subject-verb agreement: 'It' requires 'plays'; 'a' should be 'an' before vowel sound |
| It provide a useful information | It provides useful information | Subject-verb agreement: 'It' requires 'provides'; 'information' is uncountable, so no 'a' |
| help consumers make informed decision | help consumers make informed decisions | Plural noun 'decisions' needed for general reference |
| many brands promoting a products and service | many brands promote products and services | Verb 'promote' needed instead of gerund; plural nouns required |
| they can be misleading and manuplative of our peoples mind | they can be misleading and manipulative of our people's minds | Possessive 'people's' and plural 'minds' |
| and giving false impression | and give false impressions | Parallel structure: 'give' after 'can be'; plural 'impressions' |
| Some advertisements are bad impact of our mind | Some advertisements have a bad impact on our minds | Correct verb 'have' and preposition 'on'; plural 'minds' |
| many people buying a products | many people buy products | Verb 'buy' instead of gerund; no article before plural |
| without planning to watching | without planning to watch | Infinitive 'to watch' after 'planning' |
| advertising are target to children | advertising is targeted at children | Subject-verb agreement and passive voice; preposition 'at' |
| many childrens are wastes a money different games | many children waste money on different games | Plural 'children'; verb 'waste'; preposition 'on' |
| while need to improve quality and lower price | while we need to improve quality and lower prices | Missing subject 'we'; plural 'prices' |
| Without advertising consumers would find it difficult to say wide range of products | Without advertising, consumers would find it difficult to see a wide range of products | Comma after introductory phrase; verb 'see' instead of 'say'; article 'a' |
| Its also provide essential promotion | It also provides essential promotion | Subject-verb agreement: 'It' requires 'provides' |
| Overall advertising is beneficial and provided that properly regulated | Overall, advertising is beneficial, provided that it is properly regulated | Comma after 'Overall'; missing subject 'it is' in conditional clause |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| first hand side | one hand | Standard idiom is 'on the one hand', not 'first hand side' |
| other hand side | other hand | Redundant 'side'; standard phrase is 'on the other hand' |
| bad component | negative aspect | 'Component' is too technical; 'aspect' is more suitable for opinions |
| good our modern societies | beneficial for modern societies | 'Good' is vague; 'beneficial' is more precise and academic |
| bad impact | negative impact | 'Bad' is informal; 'negative' is more appropriate in academic writing |
| say wide range | see a wide range | 'Say' is incorrect here; 'see' (or 'access') is the intended verb |
| promotion | product promotion | Clarify what kind of promotion; 'product promotion' is more specific |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument and gives a personal opinion, but the points are underdeveloped and sometimes unclear. The positive side is only briefly mentioned (e.g., information and informed decisions), while the negative side touches on manipulation and consumerism but lacks depth. The conclusion is present but not well justified.
Examples
'On the first hand side, I believe that the advertising is good our modern socities , Its play a essential role in social media' β vague and poorly expressed. The example of platforms like YouTube and Instagram is mentioned but not explained how advertising helps. The negative side includes 'manuplative' and 'bad impact' without specific illustrations.
How to Improve
Expand each viewpoint with clear, relevant examples and more detailed reasoning. Ensure that the discussion of both views is balanced and that your own opinion is logically supported by the arguments presented. Avoid vague statements and instead provide concrete evidence or scenarios.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion), but the flow is disrupted by weak or incorrect transitions (e.g., 'On the first hand side', 'On the other hand side'). Ideas within paragraphs are not logically connected, and there is little use of cohesive devices to link sentences or paragraphs.
Examples
The first body paragraph jumps from 'good for society' to 'essential role in social media' to 'promoting products on various apps' without clear logical progression. The second body paragraph mixes misleading ads, impact on children, and consumerism without cohesion. The conclusion is abrupt.
How to Improve
Use appropriate transition words (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In contrast', 'Furthermore') to guide the reader. Organize each paragraph around a single main idea, and use linking words within sentences (e.g., 'because', 'therefore', 'however') to show relationships. Practice paragraph unity.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and contains numerous errors in spelling and word choice. Repetition of basic words (e.g., 'advertising', 'good', 'bad') is common. There are attempts at less common expressions (e.g., 'artifical needs', 'consumerism'), but errors undermine effectiveness.
Examples
Spelling errors: 'argue' (argued), 'manuplative' (manipulative), 'peoples' (people's), 'childrens' (children), 'artifical' (artificial), 'socities' (societies). Incorrect collocations: 'wastes a money', 'play a essential role', 'bad impact of our mind'.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by reading academic articles on common IELTS topics. Learn correct spelling and collocations (e.g., 'play an essential role', 'make informed decisions'). Use synonyms to avoid repetition. Practice using topic-specific terms like 'misleading claims', 'consumer behavior', 'market competition'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay displays frequent grammatical errors that impede clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, verb forms, and sentence structure. Run-on sentences and missing punctuation are common.
Examples
'It is often argue that advertising is everywhere' (should be 'It is often argued'). 'Its play a essential role' (should be 'It plays an essential role'). 'advertising are target to children' (should be 'advertisements target children'). 'many childrens are wastes a money different games' (incomprehensible).
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, articles (a/an/the), verb tenses, and plural forms. Practice writing simple, clear sentences before attempting complex structures. Proofread your work to catch obvious errors. Use grammar-checking tools or seek feedback from a teacher.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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