This band 5 IELTS essay addresses the topic of career options after school, discussing the merits of education versus early employment. However, it struggles with frequent grammar and spelling errors, which affect clarity. By understanding these issues, students can improve their writing and enhance their scores.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· Successful Careers Β· 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: This essay meets the minimum word count (320 words) and addresses all parts of the prompt, presenting a position that discusses both views and gives an opinion. However, the development of ideas is sometimes unclear and repetitive. The main weaknesses lie in frequent errors in spelling, word choice, and grammar, which impede communication at times. The essay's organization is basic, with some unclear connections between ideas.
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Some people believe that to succed you should study at university or college in order to succeed , while other argue that you can be successful by start working immediately after graduation from school .In spite of this debatable issues , i agree with the first view . In this essay I will discuss both views" title="Correction: I will discuss both views">i will discuss both view and elaborate my perspective.
On one hand, education institutions play important roles in qaulifying students . Cause students will learn more about businesses and gain more qaulification after studying and practicing in college . As for some fields you cannot just go and try to work without attending college .For instance dentisrty and medicine college will provide you more information and assist the student to learn more about their field through clinical practice.for example treating several cases and visiting various hospitals . Apart from that college will provid them with certifications after finishing their clinical training .
On the other hand, some individuals believe that as soon as student graduat from school they should start working . This will help them to build strong personality also have more confidence.Morevover they will be expert with the time . To illustrates some businessmen started their companies at early ages and by the time they become well-known and they succed Cause with their families support there is nothinhg impossible .
In my opinion , i belive individuals should continue their academic learning in order to gain knowledge . Since college will shape their mind and prepare them to face woring diffculities .Furthermore the appeals that they gain from college , might help them to find a career after graduation .
In conclusion , eduactional learning is essential for some people to find a proffession and start their life , although other believe that gaining experience by starting work immediately after school is better .Personally finishing the academic learning is crucial and irreplaceble when searching for career prospect.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
15 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| succed | succeed |
| qaulifying | qualifying |
| qaulification | qualification |
| dentisrty | dentistry |
| provid | provide |
| graduat | graduate |
| Morevover | Moreover |
| nothinhg | nothing |
| belive | believe |
| woring | working |
| diffculities | difficulties |
| eduactional | educational |
| proffession | profession |
| irreplaceble | irreplaceable |
| i | I |
Grammatical Mistakes
17 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| while other argue | while others argue | Subject-verb agreement: 'other' should be plural 'others' to refer to people. |
| In spite of this debatable issues | In spite of these debatable issues | 'This' is singular, but 'issues' is plural, so use 'these'. |
| i will discuss both view | I will discuss both views | 'View' should be plural 'views' to match 'both'. |
| elaborate my perspective | elaborate on my perspective | 'Elaborate' typically requires the preposition 'on' in this context. |
| Cause students will learn | Because students will learn | 'Cause' is informal; use formal 'Because' to start a sentence. |
| For instance dentisrty and medicine college | For instance, dentistry and medical colleges | Missing comma after 'instance', and 'medicine college' should be 'medical colleges' for proper collocation. |
| assist the student to learn | assist the student in learning | 'Assist' is often followed by 'in' + gerund, not 'to' + infinitive. |
| for example treating several cases | for example, treating several cases | Missing comma after 'example', and this phrase should be integrated into the sentence. |
| as soon as student graduat from school | as soon as students graduate from school | 'Student' should be plural 'students' for subject-verb agreement. |
| build strong personality also have more confidence | build a strong personality and gain more confidence | Missing article 'a' before 'strong personality', and 'also have' should be parallel with 'build'; use 'and gain'. |
| they will be expert with the time | they will become experts over time | 'Be expert' is incorrect; use 'become experts', and 'with the time' should be 'over time'. |
| To illustrates some businessmen started | To illustrate, some businessmen started | After 'to', use base form 'illustrate', not 'illustrates'. |
| Cause with their families support | Because with their families' support | 'Cause' is informal, and 'families support' should be possessive 'families' support'. |
| Since college will shape their mind | Since college will shape their minds | 'Mind' should be plural 'minds' to refer to multiple students. |
| the appeals that they gain from college | the skills or advantages that they gain from college | 'Appeals' is incorrect word choice; likely meant 'skills' or 'advantages'. |
| although other believe | although others believe | 'Other' should be plural 'others' to refer to people. |
| when searching for career prospect | when searching for career prospects | 'Prospect' should be plural 'prospects' for common usage. |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Cause | Because | Too informal; use formal 'Because' in academic writing. |
| go and try to work | attempt to enter the workforce | Informal phrasing; more academic alternative is 'attempt to enter the workforce'. |
| medicine college | medical college | Wrong collocation; 'medical college' is the standard term. |
| provide you more information | provide you with more information | More formal collocation with 'provide with'. |
| build strong personality | develop a strong personality | 'Build' is less common for personality; 'develop' is better collocation. |
| expert with the time | experts over time | Incorrect phrasing; 'become experts over time' is more accurate. |
| appeals | skills | Wrong word choice; 'appeals' means attractions, not benefits gained. |
| eduactional learning | education | Redundant; 'educational learning' can be simplified to 'education'. |
| start their life | start their lives | 'Life' should be plural 'lives' when referring to multiple people. |
| career prospect | career prospects | 'Prospect' is often used in plural form in this context. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The candidate addresses all parts of the task, presenting both views and a clear personal opinion. Ideas are relevant but are not always developed in depth or with full clarity. For instance, the support for the 'start working' view is vague and the example of businessmen lacks specific development and contains errors ('succed Cause with their families support there is nothinhg impossible'). The conclusion reiterates the opinion but does not add significant synthesis.
Examples
The view on starting work is mentioned with an example of businessmen, but it is not explained how this leads to a successful career beyond becoming 'well-known'. The argument for university is clearer, using dentistry/medicine as an example.
How to Improve
Develop each main idea with more specific reasoning and clearer examples. Explain *how* university leads to qualification or *how* early work builds experience and confidence in more concrete terms. Ensure the conclusion summarises the key reasons for your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic logical structure with an introduction, separate paragraphs for each view, an opinion paragraph, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs is not always smooth. Linking between sentences is sometimes mechanical or absent, and the use of cohesive devices is limited and occasionally faulty (e.g., 'Cause' used incorrectly as a conjunction). Paragraphing is present but not always logically managed.
Examples
In the second paragraph: 'Cause students will learn more...' is an incorrect and informal way to start a sentence. The transition 'Apart from that' is used appropriately. The third paragraph jumps from building personality to an example without clear linkage.
How to Improve
Use a range of formal linking words and phrases (e.g., 'This is because', 'Furthermore', 'Consequently') to connect ideas logically within and between sentences. Plan paragraph structure so each one has a single central topic developed with supporting points in a clear order.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is just adequate to discuss the topic but is marred by frequent spelling mistakes and some awkward or incorrect word choices. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary (e.g., 'qualifying', 'irreplaceble', 'prospect'), but errors reduce the effectiveness. Some words are misspelled consistently.
Examples
Frequent spelling errors: 'succed' (succeed), 'qaulifying/qaulification' (qualifying/qualification), 'dentisrty' (dentistry), 'graduat' (graduate), 'diffculities' (difficulties), 'proffession' (profession), 'irreplaceble' (irreplaceable). Incorrect word form: 'start working' (should be 'starting work' or 'to start working').
How to Improve
Proofread carefully for spelling. Build vocabulary by learning word families (e.g., succeed, success, successful). Use a dictionary to check the spelling and precise meaning of words before using them. Practice using new vocabulary in sentences to ensure correct collocation.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes hinder meaning. There are issues with articles, prepositions, verb forms, sentence structure, and punctuation. While the range of structures is attempted, control is limited.
Examples
Article errors: 'gain more qaulification' (a qualification/qualifications). Preposition error: 'assist the student to learn' (assist the student *in* learning). Verb form error: 'by start working' (by starting work). Sentence fragment: 'For instance dentisrty and medicine college...' (This is not a complete sentence). Punctuation: Missing spaces after full stops, incorrect capitalization ('i', 'Cause').
How to Improve
Focus on accuracy in basic sentence structure (subject-verb-object). Practice using articles (a/an/the) correctly. Learn the correct verb patterns after common verbs (e.g., help someone *to* do/do something; assist someone *in* doing). Always use a capital 'I' for the first person pronoun and start sentences with a capital letter.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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