This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the topic of career success through different educational paths. However, it suffers from coherence and clarity issues that hinder readability. Learn how to enhance your essay structure and express your ideas more effectively.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Successful Careers · 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay partially addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on having a successful career, but lacks clear organization and coherence. Incomplete development of ideas and frequent grammar mistakes impact the readability and clarity of arguments.
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generally,the growing influence of carreer has become conteversial issue,while some individuals belive its widespread use is benefical for society,other argue that it can have determental effects on citizen,particularly vulnerable young people. this essay will discuss both view before present my own opionion.
First of all, education institution is way of achievement of career cause education plays crucial role in personal and national development for instance;well-educated individuals are more likely to secure better jobs and contribute positively to society.furthermore ,education helps people development critical thinking skills and adopt to transformation economic conditions.
on other hands,government policies can have a mojor impact on career on society for example when government invest in public services such as education,health care and transportion this can lead to growing nation and education and citizen enjoy a higher quality of life,effective policies can also promote economic growth and reduce social inequality even unemployment for people.
however,technologocal advancement has significantly improved people and enchances their career for people's lives .the internet has issist in enhances career for people cause allow students to access educational resource ,searching new things to work and business to reach customer worldwide as a result, technology increase way of think new way to achievement for their goal and career even create new opportunities for citizen.
in conclusion,t the best way to achieve the goal for career is to be educated and government should promote the communication with citizen ,both higher education and early employment can contribute to career success,however, although entering the workforce at young age offer hand -on experience,i believe that attending university or college is the better option for most people as it provides the expertise and credentials needed tho thive in an increasinglybcompetive job market.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
14 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| carreer | career |
| conteversial | controversial |
| belive | believe |
| benefical | beneficial |
| determental | detrimental |
| opionion | opinion |
| development | develop |
| mojor | major |
| transportion | transportation |
| technologocal | technological |
| enchances | enhances |
| issist | assist |
| tho thive | to thrive |
| increasinglybcompetive | increasingly competitive |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| generally,the | Generally, the | Capitalization needed at the start of a sentence. |
| citizen,particularly | citizens, particularly | Plural noun needed for subject agreement. |
| on other hands | on the other hand | Incorrect pluralization; 'on the other hand' is the correct idiomatic expression. |
| cause education | because education | Incorrect conjunction usage; 'because' is needed to express reason. |
| for instance;well-educated | for instance, well-educated | Incorrect punctuation; a comma is needed after 'for instance'. |
| the internet has issist in enhances career for people | the internet has assisted in enhancing careers for people | Incorrect verb form and subject-verb agreement; 'has assisted' and 'enhancing' maintain consistency. |
| in conclusion,t | in conclusion, | Unnecessary extra letter; 't' should be removed. |
| offer hand -on experience | offers hands-on experience | Subject-verb agreement and hyphenation correction required. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| way of achievement | means of achieving | A more precise and formal expression. |
| transformation economic conditions | changing economic conditions | More precise collocation. |
| career on society | career in society | Correct preposition usage for context. |
| reach customer worldwide | reach customers worldwide | Correct plural form for consistency. |
| communication with citizen | engage with citizens | More appropriate and engaging vocabulary. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to address both perspectives related to university education versus early employment for career success.
Examples
Mentions the role of education institutions and government policies but the link to career success is not fully developed.
How to Improve
Ensure that both arguments are fully developed with relevant examples and consider providing stronger support for your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion4.5
Evaluation
The essay struggles with organization and logical flow, confusing the reader at times.
Examples
Ideas are not clearly separated, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often abrupt.
How to Improve
Use clear paragraphing and transitions to improve the flow of ideas. Clearly separate each main point into its own paragraph.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
There is some attempt to use topic-related vocabulary, but errors in word choice and formality affect clarity.
Examples
Words like 'carreer' and 'technologocal' are misspelled, and several informal expressions are used.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary related to career and education. Pay attention to spelling and choose more precise words.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that impede understanding.
Examples
Notable errors include subject-verb agreement, incorrect article usage, and run-on sentences.
How to Improve
Focus on sentence structure and grammar practice. Work on avoiding repetitive errors such as subject-verb agreement mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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