This Band 5 IELTS essay addresses the topic of university subjects and their relevance. While it meets the minimum word count, it suffers from clarity and depth issues. Improving the organization and argument development can help elevate your writing score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· University Students Β· 40 min
There are two opposing views on whether university students should be free to choose their own subjects or whether they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 250 words but lacks depth and clarity. It partially addresses the prompt by mentioning both views and stating an opinion, but the discussion is under-developed and sometimes irrelevant (e.g., confusing 'useful subjects' with 'general subjects'). Frequent language errors further reduce effectiveness.
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In academic society there is ongoing debate: students can be free to choose their subject or their program need to be more focus on science and technology. From my point of view, i totally agree with the first opinion, because I believe that students need to be free to choose. On the one hand, students have to be more focus on their interests. In particular, this is important because the study is boring and for this reason people need to be encourage to follow their passions. For example, an engineer that it is forced to attend english literature class can not achieve pupil" title="Correction: the same results as a pupil">the same results that a pupil who likes that lesson. On the other hand, people need to study general subjects. This is important because, in the university some lessons are parts of our cultures like History or English. Consequently, these subjects are a fudamental part of the student's education. For instance, they are important in order to understand our society and what it is happened befor us. In contrast, subjects like engineer seem far away from the concept of History subject, however their are closely related. Thininking about the innovation of the II World War. In conclusion, it is claimed that students should be free to choose their subjects at the university, while other think that useful subjects must to be attended. From my perspective, i firmly agree with the first option because only if students can follow their passions through university courses they can achive their goals.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| i | I |
| english | English |
| fudamental | fundamental |
| befor | before |
| Thininking | Thinking |
| achive | achieve |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| their program need to be more focus | their programs need to be more focused | Subject-verb agreement: 'programs' is plural so 'need'; 'focused' is the adjective form required after 'more'. |
| students have to be more focus on | students have to be more focused on | Verb form error: 'focus' should be 'focused' as an adjective modifying 'students'. |
| need to be encourage | need to be encouraged | Passive voice error: 'encouraged' is the past participle needed after 'be'. |
| an engineer that it is forced | an engineer who is forced | Relative pronoun error: 'who' for people; remove redundant 'it'. |
| the same results that a pupil | the same results as a pupil | Comparative structure error: 'as' is used with 'the same' for comparisons. |
| what it is happened befor us | what has happened before us | Tense and verb form error: present perfect 'has happened' for past events with present relevance. |
| subjects like engineer | subjects like engineering | Noun form error: 'engineer' refers to a person; 'engineering' is the academic subject. |
| however their are closely related | however, they are closely related | Homophone error: 'their' is possessive; 'they are' is the correct subject and verb. |
| Thininking about the innovation of the II World War. | Thinking about the innovations of World War II, | Sentence fragment: integrate into previous sentence for coherence; use 'innovations' and 'during' for clarity. |
| while other think | while others think | Plural noun error: 'other' should be 'others' to refer to other people. |
| must to be attended | must be attended | Modal verb syntax error: 'must' is followed by the base verb without 'to'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| academic society | academic community | Imprecise term; 'academic community' is more specific for educational debates. |
| the study is boring | studying can be unengaging | Informal and subjective; use neutral, academic language to describe lack of interest. |
| people | students | Vague reference; specify 'students' for clarity in the educational context. |
| pupil | student | Informal for university level; 'student' is the appropriate term in higher education. |
| lessons | courses | Incorrect collocation for university; 'courses' is the standard term for academic subjects. |
| parts of our cultures | parts of our culture | Number agreement error; use singular 'culture' for shared societal heritage. |
| what it is happened befor us | what has occurred in the past | Vague and incorrect phrasing; use clearer expression for historical events. |
| innovation of the II World War | innovations during World War II | Incorrect preposition; 'during' is used for time periods, and 'innovations' is more precise. |
| useful subjects | core subjects | Vague term; 'core subjects' indicates essential academic components. |
| achieve their goals | achieve their objectives | Slightly informal; 'objectives' is more formal and precise in academic writing. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
Partially addresses the task by presenting both views and an opinion, but arguments are not fully extended or supported. The focus on 'general subjects' like History and English does not directly align with the prompt's emphasis on 'useful subjects such as those related to science and technology', leading to some irrelevance.
Examples
The essay states 'On the other hand, people need to study general subjects' and uses History as an example, rather than discussing science and technology specifically. The opinion is clear but lacks detailed reasoning.
How to Improve
Clearly distinguish between the two views: one supporting free choice and one advocating for practical, future-oriented subjects like STEM. Develop each view with specific examples and reasons. Strengthen your own opinion by providing deeper analysis and evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but the progression of ideas is unclear. Cohesive devices are used inconsistently, and paragraphing is not logically effective, leading to awkward transitions.
Examples
The shift from discussing interests to general subjects is abrupt. The sentence 'Thininking about the innovation of the II World War' is disconnected and unclear. Linking words like 'however' are misused ('however their are closely related').
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea. Ensure smooth transitions between points by using appropriate linking words (e.g., 'in contrast', 'furthermore'). Avoid tangential information and maintain a clear logical flow throughout.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. The range is insufficient for academic discourse, and errors occasionally obscure meaning.
Examples
Misspellings: 'fudamental' (fundamental), 'befor' (before), 'Thininking' (Thinking). Inappropriate word choices: 'pupil' for university student, 'lessons' for courses. Repetition of 'subjects' and 'important'.
How to Improve
Expand your lexical range by learning synonyms and academic vocabulary related to education and career. Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Use context-appropriate terms (e.g., 'courses' instead of 'lessons' for university).
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Frequent grammatical errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and punctuation. Simple sentences dominate, and attempts at complexity are often inaccurate, hindering clarity.
Examples
Incorrect verb forms: 'need to be encourage' (encouraged), 'what it is happened' (what happened). Article errors: 'an engineer that it is forced'. Punctuation: lowercase 'i' for 'I'. Sentence fragment: 'Thininking about the innovation of the II World War.'
How to Improve
Practice forming complex sentences with correct subordinate clauses. Focus on verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Always capitalize 'I'. Proofread to eliminate basic errors and consider using grammar check tools for feedback.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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