This Band 6.5 IELTS essay discusses the role of advertising from different perspectives. While it addresses both views, clarity and development issues appear throughout. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and improved grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Advertising · 40 min
Advertising is everywhere; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some argue that advertising is a constructive element of our lives, while others argue that it is a bad component of our lives. Discuss both points of view and express your own.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count (255 words) and addresses the task by discussing both views and stating an opinion. However, arguments lack depth, and errors in vocabulary and grammar occasionally hinder clarity.
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Advertising has become an unescaped part of everyone's life and can be seen almost everywhere. Some people believe that advertising plays a constructive role in our society, while others argue that it has a negative effect in our lives. This essay will discuss both views, and I think advertising is beneficial when used responsibly.
On the one hand, one major reason why advertising is important is that it helps businesses and consumers to promote their products and services to reach larger audience. As a result, this allows businesses to increase their sales, profit and growth of the company in the competitive market. Moreover, advertisements provides useful information about any new product, discounts and technological development. For example, many people discover new mobile phones, clothing brands, televison companies through advertisement.
On the other hand, advertising can be sometimes misleading and provides false information in the seek of marketing. In addition, companies sometimes exaggerat the benifits of the product in order to attract customer's attention and this is the moment where people feel they are scammed. Furthermore, constant exposure of advertising can influence the young children and teenagers.They may feel eagerness to buy branded products after seeing them in advertisements. As a result they act stubbornness towards their parents and force them to buy expensive things.
In conclusion, although advertising can lead to unrealistic expectitions and financial waste, it provides a valuable information and growth of the company. In my opinion, advertising is a positive aspect in a modern society if it is done sincerely and responsibly.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| unescaped | inescapable |
| televison | television |
| exaggerat | exaggerate |
| benifits | benefits |
| expectitions | expectations |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| effect in our lives | effect on our lives | Preposition error; 'effect on' is the correct collocation |
| advertisements provides | advertisements provide | Subject-verb agreement; plural subject 'advertisements' requires plural verb 'provide' |
| in the seek of marketing | in the pursuit of marketing | 'Seek' is a verb; 'pursuit' is the appropriate noun for this context |
| the moment where | the moment when | 'When' is used for time references; 'where' is for place |
| exposure of advertising | exposure to advertising | Correct preposition is 'to' after 'exposure' |
| feel eagerness to buy | feel eager to buy | 'Eagerness' is a noun; 'feel' is better followed by an adjective like 'eager' |
| act stubbornness | act stubborn | 'Stubbornness' is a noun; 'act' should be followed by an adjective in this idiomatic usage |
| a valuable information | valuable information | 'Information' is uncountable and does not take the indefinite article 'a' |
| in a modern society | in modern society | 'Society' as a general concept often does not require an article |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| scammed | deceived | 'Scammed' is informal; 'deceived' is more academic and appropriate for formal writing |
| done sincerely and responsibly | conducted ethically and responsibly | 'Done' is vague; 'conducted' is more formal and precise for describing advertising practices |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay covers both points of view and presents a clear opinion, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited. Main points are introduced but not fully extended or supported with detailed examples.
Examples
For the constructive view, it mentions advertising helps businesses reach audiences and provides information, but does not elaborate on broader societal benefits. For the negative view, it notes misleading ads and influence on children, but lacks exploration of economic or psychological impacts.
How to Improve
Extend each argument by providing more specific examples, explanations, and consequences. For instance, discuss how advertising drives innovation or how it can create consumerism. Ensure each paragraph has a topic sentence followed by 2-3 supporting sentences.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Logical progression is evident, but cohesion is occasionally disrupted by grammatical errors or awkward phrasing.
Examples
Using 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' effectively signals contrast. However, in the third paragraph, 'As a result they act stubbornness...' has a cohesion issue due to incorrect word form, making the connection unclear.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'however,' 'consequently') and ensure they are used accurately. Proofread to improve sentence flow and correct errors that break connections between ideas.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there are several spelling errors and imprecise word choices that reduce the overall quality. Some range is demonstrated, but it is not sophisticated.
Examples
Misspellings: 'unescaped' (should be 'inescapable' or 'unavoidable'), 'exaggerat' ('exaggerate'), 'benifits' ('benefits'), 'televison' ('television'). Inaccurate usage: 'eagerness' (better as 'eager'), 'stubbornness' (should be 'stubborn' or 'stubbornly').
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by reading on common IELTS topics and using new words in practice essays. Use a dictionary to check spelling and word forms. Aim for more precise and varied lexical items, such as synonyms for 'advertising' (e.g., 'marketing,' 'promotion').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use both simple and complex structures, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting accuracy and sometimes clarity. Sentence structures can be awkward.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'advertisements provides' (should be 'provide'). Incorrect phrases: 'in the seek of marketing' (better as 'in the pursuit of marketing' or 'to market'). Word form errors: 'they act stubbornness' (should be 'they act stubbornly' or 'show stubbornness').
How to Improve
Focus on grammar fundamentals, such as subject-verb agreement, correct prepositions, and word forms. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses and check for errors during proofreading. Consider using grammar exercises or tools to identify common mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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