This band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the debate over pursuing higher education versus starting work after school. While it effectively presents both sides, the essay faces challenges in coherence and grammatical accuracy, which impact overall clarity. Discover how to enhance your writing skills with feedback specifically tailored to address these concerns.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Successful Careers · 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User. The essay adequately addresses the task, discussing both perspectives on higher education and immediate employment after school. While it presents relevant examples, it lacks coherence at some points and exhibits noticeable grammatical issues. The vocabulary is mostly suitable for the topic, but there are inaccuracies that affect clarity.
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It is often argued that studying at the university can improve the job opportunities whereas other people believe that starting after school is the best choice. For my perspective, I strongly advocate the former view because students need the time to increase their knowledge and enhance their practical skills.
One of the primary motivations to attend university courses is that students must increase their specific knowledge related to fields. This is significant because students must be preparate and adequate workers. For instance, some professions like doctors or surgeons require an intense training, that is possible only thought a deeper knowledge of anatomy and physiology. Therefore, the access to these kinds of careers is not permitted to everyone, students must have strict inclusion criteria.
Another significant issue is the opportunity to train students without consequences. This occurs during the university years because they can get practice to advanced simulators and they can understand the result of their mistakes. For example, neurosurgery surgeons develop the ability to recognize parts of the brains after the third years of specialization because they spend hours at the virtual reality simulator. Thus, when they have to operate a real patient can collocate in the correct position instruments without dangerous movements.
In conclusion, although some people believe that it is better start to work after school, from my point of view I think that only with university courses it is possible to access to some career as doctors or surgeons because they require both knowledge and practical abilities.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| preparate | prepared |
| thought | through |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| For my perspective | From my perspective | Incorrect preposition; should be 'From my perspective' |
| Each others problems | each other's problems | Possessive form required with 'each other' |
| better start to work | better to start work | Incorrect infinitive form |
| it is possible to access to some career | it is possible to access some careers | Unnecessary use of preposition 'to' |
| must have strict inclusion criteria | must meet strict inclusion criteria | Incorrect verb usage; 'meet' is the correct verb collocation with 'criteria' |
| collocate in the correct position instruments | correctly position instruments | Incorrect word order and verb usage |
Vocabulary Improvements
1 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| adequate workers | competent workers | More precise and appropriate in a professional context |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay responds appropriately to the task, addressing both views and stating a clear opinion. It supports the arguments with relevant examples.
Examples
The mention of doctors and surgeons needing university study is pertinent to the topic.
How to Improve
Provide more balanced discussion for both views and cover a wider range of scenarios beyond just medical careers.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay is somewhat coherent, but transitions between ideas and sentences could be smoother. The structure is mostly logical but lacks variety in sentence connectors.
Examples
Transitions such as 'Therefore' and 'Thus' help but sometimes feel forced or repetitive.
How to Improve
Use a broader range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and within them.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
Vocational language is apt, but there are several lexical inaccuracies that affect meaning.
Examples
Errors like 'preparate' instead of 'prepared' and 'collocate' instead of 'locate' reduce clarity.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range and ensure accurate word choice, focusing on precision of terms used.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay contains a range of sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors.
Examples
Mistakes include 'students must be preparate' and missing articles like 'the' in 'the third years.'
How to Improve
Focus on correcting common grammatical errors, particularly subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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