This essay, achieving a band 6.5, explores the debate between pursuing higher education and starting work right after school. While it presents both views, it falls short in balancing the details and examples. Key feedback includes the need for more equal treatment of both perspectives to enhance clarity and coherence.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Successful Careers · 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (327 words) and addresses the task by discussing both views and stating an opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat imbalanced, with more detail on university education than on starting work early. Grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing slightly affect clarity and precision.
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A successful career is the ultimate objective that everyone is always working towards in order to provide an enjoyable life. In today's world, there has been a debate regarding ways to approach this particular goal. Some individuals argue that formal education at university or college is the best path, while others believe that immediately starting to work after completing school is much more preferable. The ensuing paragraphs will discuss this matter from both points of view before presenting my own.
Examining the former opinion, acquiring education at university or college does have numerous benefits in terms of preparing for a stable career. Through learning at these educational institutions, we have the access to formal lectures, books, journals, and other studying materials. Furthermore, the supporting learning environment will also allow us to create a more grown and complex mindset through different studying methods, such as case based studies, group tasks, as well as project building, which could be directly applied once we start working. In addition to that, enrolling in a university will enable us to expand our network with fellow students, professors, and experts, which are crucial for initiating our career.
On the other hand, starting work shortly after graduating school also has its own merits. Although some tend to doubt this direction, it does not fall short. People who went straight to work are exposed early the working environment, which leads them through hands-on experience. This approach also allows individuals to work according to their passion without the obligation of continuing their education to some extent. However, people who do not continue to higher education may lack the knowledge that could actually be beneficial in reaching a higher career spot, and may find difficulty to establish broad connections.
To conclude and offer my position, despite the convincing arguments that supports both sides, I favor the former opinion, as I believe that higher education provides numerous advantages that can further be of use when establishing one's career.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| we have the access to | we have access to | Article misuse: 'access' is uncountable and does not require 'the' in this context. |
| which are crucial | which is crucial | Subject-verb agreement: 'which' refers to 'network', which is singular. |
| are exposed early the working environment | are exposed early to the working environment | Preposition missing: 'exposed to' is the correct phrase. |
| may find difficulty to establish | may find it difficult to establish | Incorrect verb pattern: 'find it difficult to' is the standard construction. |
| arguments that supports | arguments that support | Subject-verb agreement: 'arguments' is plural and requires 'support'. |
| case based studies | case-based studies | Hyphenation needed for compound adjective modifying 'studies'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| grown | developed | Informal usage; 'developed' is more appropriate for describing a mindset in academic writing. |
| studying materials | study materials | 'Studying' is a verb form; 'study' is the correct noun modifier. |
| project building | project work | Vague phrase; 'project work' is clearer and more academic. |
| spot | position | 'Spot' is informal; 'position' is standard in career contexts. |
| broad connections | extensive connections | 'Broad' is vague; 'extensive' is more precise for describing networks. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay presents both views and a clear opinion, but the discussion of starting work after school is less developed and includes a negative point that weakens balance. The arguments for university are more detailed, yet could be further extended with specific examples.
Examples
For example, the benefits of university are listed (lectures, materials, mindset, networking), while the merits of starting work are briefly mentioned (hands-on experience, following passion) and then countered with a drawback (lack of knowledge).
How to Improve
To improve, ensure both views are explored equally with supportive examples. For instance, elaborate on how early work experience can lead to rapid skill acquisition or entrepreneurship. Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points from both sides before reiterating your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. Linking words are used, but some transitions are abrupt, and paragraph cohesion could be enhanced.
Examples
Phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'On the other hand' help with flow, but the shift in the third paragraph with 'However' introduces a negative point without smooth connection. The conclusion is straightforward but lacks synthesis of previous arguments.
How to Improve
Improve by using more varied cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast,' 'Conversely') and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Work on linking ideas within sentences, such as rewriting 'However, people who do not continue...' to better connect to the preceding positive points about working early.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate and attempts variety, but there are some inaccuracies and less precise word choices that affect sophistication.
Examples
Phrases like 'grown and complex mindset' (better: 'mature and complex mindset'), 'the access' (should be 'access'), and 'find difficulty to establish' (better: 'find it difficult to establish') show minor errors. However, terms like 'hands-on experience' and 'formal lectures' are appropriate.
How to Improve
To enhance lexical resource, use more academic and precise vocabulary. For instance, replace 'grown' with 'mature' or 'developed,' and avoid redundant phrases. Practice collocations (e.g., 'gain access' instead of 'have the access') and proofread for word form errors.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but grammatical errors are noticeable and occasionally hinder meaning. Accuracy needs improvement.
Examples
Errors include: 'we have the access' (omit 'the'), 'are exposed early the working environment' (missing 'to' after 'early'), 'which are crucial' (should be 'which is crucial' if referring to 'network'), and 'may find difficulty to establish' (incorrect structure).
How to Improve
Focus on preposition use (e.g., 'exposed to'), article usage, and verb patterns. Review sentence structures to ensure clauses are correctly formed. Practice writing complex sentences with relative clauses and conditional forms to increase range while maintaining accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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