This Band 6.5 IELTS essay discusses career paths, comparing university education and early work experience. While the arguments are well-developed, the opinion fails to conclude, impacting the coherence and task response.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Successful Careers · 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic and discusses both views with relevant examples, but the opinion is incomplete (cuts off mid-sentence), affecting task response and coherence. The lexical resource is strong, and grammar is generally accurate, though the incomplete sentence reduces accuracy. The word count meets the minimum requirement of 250 words, but the essay lacks a conclusion.
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People have different opinions about the best path to a successful career. Some believe that studying at a university or college is essential, while others argue that starting work immediately after finishing school is a better option. This essay will discuss both views and present my own opinion. On the one hand, higher education is often seen as the most reliable route to career success. Universities and colleges provide students with in-depth knowledge, professional qualifications, and critical thinking skills that are difficult to gain elsewhere. Many well-paid and respected professions, such as medicine, engineering, and law, require formal degrees. In addition, higher education offers opportunities to build professional networks through classmates, lecturers, and internships, which can be valuable when seeking employment. Graduates may also enjoy better long-term career prospects, including higher salaries and greater chances of promotion, as employers often prefer candidates with academic credentials. On the other hand, some people believe that entering the workforce straight after school is more beneficial. By starting work early, individuals can gain practical experience, develop job-specific skills, and earn money sooner. This path can be especially effective in industries such as sales, construction, entrepreneurship, or information technology, where hands-on experience is highly valued. Furthermore, avoiding university allows people to save money and avoid student debt, which can be a heavy financial burden. Early work experience can also help young people understand their strengths and interests more clearly, enabling them to progress faster in their chosen field. In my opinion, the best choice depends
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both views with some development and examples. However, the opinion is not fully developed or concluded, as it ends abruptly, limiting the fulfillment of the 'give your own opinion' requirement.
Examples
Reasons for higher education (e.g., professional qualifications, networking) and early work experience (e.g., practical skills, avoiding debt) are provided, but the personal opinion is incomplete: 'In my opinion, the best choice depends'.
How to Improve
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed, including a clear and developed personal opinion in a concluding paragraph. Avoid leaving ideas unfinished.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphing and effective cohesive devices. However, the absence of a proper conclusion due to the incomplete ending disrupts the overall flow and coherence.
Examples
Cohesive devices like 'On the one hand', 'In addition', 'On the other hand', and 'Furthermore' are used appropriately. But the essay lacks a concluding sentence or paragraph to tie the discussion together.
How to Improve
Always include a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion. Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion for better cohesion.
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the topic, with accurate use of topic-specific terms. No significant errors in word choice or spelling.
Examples
Phrases such as 'in-depth knowledge', 'professional qualifications', 'critical thinking skills', 'hands-on experience', and 'financial burden' demonstrate a good lexical range.
How to Improve
Continue to use a wide range of vocabulary naturally. Consider incorporating more advanced synonyms or collocations to enhance precision and sophistication.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
Grammar is generally accurate with a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, the incomplete sentence at the end affects the overall accuracy and range.
Examples
Complex structures like 'Universities and colleges provide students with in-depth knowledge, professional qualifications, and critical thinking skills that are difficult to gain elsewhere.' But the final sentence 'In my opinion, the best choice depends' is grammatically incomplete.
How to Improve
Ensure all sentences are complete and properly punctuated. Proofread to avoid fragments or run-on sentences, and practice using a variety of grammatical structures consistently.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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