This Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the topic of income inequality by discussing both views on high incomes. However, although it presents relevant points, the essay requires deeper argumentation and improved coherence to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · High Incomes · 40 min
Some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people think that this is beneficial for the nation, others believe that the government should limit how much money people can make. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt adequately, presenting both views and providing a personal opinion. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and presents some structural issues that affect coherence. Lexical resources are used appropriately, but there are some inaccuracies in grammatical structures.
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It is a known fact that some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people believe that this is beneficial for the nation, others argue that the government should limit how much money people can make. In my opinion, no matter the regulations set by the government, the world will always have a rich and a poor therefore I believe that it is indeed beneficial for the nation that some people have very high incomes.
On one hand, people believe that very high incomes earned by some people is beneficial for the nation as a whole. This is because there are people who aspire to earn high incomes and live healthy and comfortable lifestyles with all kinds of materialistic pleasures.The people with very high incomes directly contribute to the nation's GDP and overall economic welfare. Although, this creates a larger gap between the rich and the poor, it contributes to the nation's welfare as a whole contributing to their public welfare and economic growth.
On the other hand, some people argue that the government should limit how much money people can make. This is because some people believe the reason for such widespread poverty is the ultra rich section of society which earn a disproportionately large share of wealth, leaving the rest of the world with a negligible amount. This gap is widening more and more every day, which has created the social issue of poverty. These people believe that if the government enforces certain regulations that limit how much money people can make then this social issue can be fixed to a certain extent. However, this will lead to a much larger controversy because people tend to prefer different kinds of lifestyles.
In conclusion, Initially I believed that the second solution was better as it would solve world poverty to a large extent, but realistically speaking, even if the government enforces regulations limiting personal incomes, it would not fix the issue altogether but it could lead to political and social conflicts and larger controversies, leading me to be in support of the first statement.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
1 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Although, this creates | Although this creates | The comma after 'Although' is unnecessary in this sentence structure. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay meets the minimum word count and presents both views on the issue as well as the writer's opinion. However, it does not deeply explore the arguments or provide sufficient evidence to support them.
Examples
The essay mentions that high incomes contribute to GDP but doesn't detail how this is beneficial, or how limiting income could solve social issues.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed and balanced examples and explanations to support each viewpoint. Analyze each argument more deeply to strengthen the overall task response.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is organized in a generally logical manner, with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint. However, the transitions between ideas are sometimes unclear, which affects the overall flow.
Examples
The transition from discussing the benefits of high incomes to the issues of income disparity could be smoother.
How to Improve
Use more cohesive devices to clearly signal shifts between ideas and ensure each paragraph logically follows the previous one.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is appropriate for the topic, using terms like 'GDP', 'public welfare', and 'economic growth' effectively, though repetition of simple phrases like 'very high incomes' is apparent.
Examples
There is repeated use of 'very high incomes' without synonyms or varied expressions.
How to Improve
Expand the range of vocabulary used and incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms to enhance lexical richness.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of grammatical structures, but there are some issues with sentence structures and punctuation.
Examples
For instance, the sentence 'The people with very high incomes directly contribute to the nation's GDP and overall economic welfare.' could be more complex.
How to Improve
Work on using complex sentence structures more accurately and effectively to enhance grammatical range and precision.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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