This band 6 IELTS advertising essay presents both positive and negative points but struggles with clarity and vocabulary. Key feedback includes underdeveloped arguments and repetitive vocabulary, which may hinder overall coherence.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· Advertising Β· 40 min
Advertising is everywhere; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some argue that advertising is a constructive element of our lives, while others argue that it is a bad component of our lives. Discuss both points of view and express your own.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (288 vs. 250 required) and stays on-topic, discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, arguments are underdeveloped, and there are noticeable issues with vocabulary, grammar, and cohesion that limit clarity and impact.
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There is no denying the fact that advertising becomes more popular and no one can avoid it. While it is a commonly held belief that advertising is a productive and useful thing, there is also an argument that advertising becomes bad and affect our life. This essay will analyse this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
On one hand, the good part of advertising is letting you to know what is new in the markets without spending much time or effort. In other words, scrolling randomly" title="Correction: when you are scrolling randomly">when you scrolling randomly in social media, you may see useful device, new phone or something that you are really need it, so the life becomes more easy and comfortable. In addition, advertising can save lives, people will not see new medicines that save their lifes and stop their suffering without these adverts. For example, researches shows that most of people know the new medicines for joints pain and stomach burn through adverts.
On the other hand, some people believes that adverts will never tell you the truth about the products and it cheats you. It is also possible to say that adverts make us love and need things that we never thought about it and maybe unuseful or even may be harm. For instance, Pepsi lovers" title="Correction: many people become Pepsi lovers">many people becomes pepsi lovers, however they know bad effects" title="Correction: its bad effects">it's bad effects on their health and how it contains large amounts of sugar. Also, become smokers due to how they were affected" title="Correction: many people become smokers due to how they were affected">many people become smokers and how they were affected by scenes of movies they watched before.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this question. On balance, however, I tend to believe that advertising has advantages as well as disadvantages, so people should have more awarness of risks of some adverts.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| lifes | lives |
| awarness | awareness |
Grammatical Mistakes
21 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| affect our life | affects our lives | Subject-verb agreement: 'advertising' is singular, so 'affects'; 'life' should be plural for general reference. |
| letting you to know | letting you know | Incorrect verb pattern: 'let' is followed by base verb without 'to'. |
| when you scrolling randomly | when you are scrolling randomly | Missing auxiliary verb: present continuous tense requires 'are' before verb-ing. |
| useful device | a useful device | Article missing: singular countable noun requires an article. |
| new phone | a new phone | Article missing: singular countable noun requires an article. |
| something that you are really need it | something that you really need | Redundant pronoun and incorrect verb form: 'are need' should be 'need', and 'it' is unnecessary. |
| more easy | easier | Comparative form: 'easy' has irregular comparative 'easier'. |
| advertising can save lives, people will not see | advertising can save lives; people will not see | Run-on sentence: use semicolon or period to separate independent clauses. |
| researches shows | research shows | Noun-verb agreement: 'research' is uncountable and takes singular verb. |
| most of people | most people | Preposition error: 'most people' is standard; 'of' is not needed without 'the'. |
| joints pain | joint pain | Compound noun: singular noun used as modifier, so 'joint pain'. |
| some people believes | some people believe | Subject-verb agreement: plural subject 'people' requires plural verb 'believe'. |
| it cheats you | they cheat you | Pronoun-antecedent agreement: 'adverts' is plural, so use 'they'. |
| we never thought about it | we never thought about | Redundant pronoun: 'it' is not needed at the end of the clause. |
| maybe unuseful | may be useless | Non-standard word: 'unuseful' is not common; 'useless' is appropriate. |
| may be harm | may be harmful | Part of speech error: 'harm' is noun/verb; adjective 'harmful' is required here. |
| many people becomes pepsi lovers | many people become Pepsi lovers | Subject-verb agreement: plural subject 'people' requires 'become', and 'Pepsi' should be capitalized. |
| it's bad effects | its bad effects | Possessive error: 'it's' means 'it is'; possessive form is 'its'. |
| how it contains | that it contains | Conjunction use: 'that' is better for introducing a clause about content. |
| many people become smokers and how they were affected | many people become smokers due to how they were affected | Awkward conjunction: 'and how' is unclear; use 'due to' to show cause. |
| scenes of movies | scenes from movies | Preposition error: 'from' is more accurate for origin or source. |
Vocabulary Improvements
14 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| productive and useful thing | beneficial and practical tool | Vague term: 'thing' is non-specific; use more precise nouns like 'tool'. |
| letting you to know | informing you | Informal phrasing: 'informing' is more academic and concise. |
| scrolling randomly | browsing aimlessly | Informal and vague: 'browsing aimlessly' is more descriptive in formal context. |
| useful device | practical gadget | Vague: 'device' can be improved to 'gadget' for specificity, though both are acceptable. |
| something that you are really need it | an item you genuinely need | Informal and incorrect: rephrased for clarity and formality. |
| researches | studies | Word choice: in academic writing, 'studies' is preferred for plural research instances. |
| joints pain | joint pain | Colloquial compound: 'joint pain' is standard, but ensure singular modifier. |
| stomach burn | heartburn | Colloquial term: 'heartburn' is the standard medical term. |
| pepsi lovers | Pepsi enthusiasts | Informal: 'enthusiasts' is more formal than 'lovers'. |
| bad effects | negative effects | Informal: 'bad' is too casual; 'negative' is appropriate for academic writing. |
| large amounts of sugar | high sugar content | Vague: 'large amounts' is imprecise; 'high content' is more specific. |
| become smokers | start smoking | Phrasing: 'start smoking' is more direct and commonly used. |
| scenes of movies | film scenes | Informal: 'movies' is casual; 'film' is slightly more formal. |
| risks of some adverts | risks associated with certain advertisements | Informal and vague: 'adverts' is informal for 'advertisements', and 'some' is vague; 'certain' is more precise. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses all parts of the task by presenting both positive and negative views on advertising and stating a balanced opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and examples lack depth and specific detail.
Examples
Positive view: advertising informs about new products and medicines, e.g., joint pain and stomach burn medications. Negative view: advertising deceives consumers and promotes unhealthy products like Pepsi and smoking.
How to Improve
Expand each point with more explanation and evidence. For instance, explain how advertising 'saves lives' with statistics or case studies, and elaborate on the mechanisms of deception or social impact.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used (e.g., 'On one hand,' 'In addition'), but connections within paragraphs are sometimes weak, and flow is occasionally disrupted.
Examples
In the second body paragraph, ideas shift from deception to health effects without smooth transitions. Phrases like 'Also, many people become smokers and how they were affected...' are awkwardly linked.
How to Improve
Improve paragraph unity by starting each with a clear topic sentence and using linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Consequently') to connect ideas. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure logical progression.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several spelling errors and non-standard word choices. Some terms are used imprecisely, affecting clarity.
Examples
Misspellings: 'awarness' (awareness), 'lifes' (lives), 'pepsi' (Pepsi). Non-standard usage: 'unuseful' (useless/unnecessary), 'easy' (easier). Repetition of 'advertising' and 'adverts'.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of topic-related vocabulary (e.g., 'marketing,' 'commercials,' 'promotions'). Practice spelling and word formation. Incorporate synonyms and more precise adjectives to enhance expression.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors that hinder clarity, including issues with verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Range is limited to mostly simple constructions.
Examples
Incorrect verb forms: 'letting you to know' (lets you know), 'when you scrolling' (when you are scrolling), 'people believes' (people believe). Redundancy: 'things that we never thought about it' (things we never thought about). Tense inconsistency: 'people will not see' (people would not see).
How to Improve
Focus on mastering verb patterns (infinitives, gerunds), subject-verb agreement, and tense consistency. Practice complex sentences with clauses to improve range. Proofread for common errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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