Achieving a band 6 in your IELTS high incomes discussion essay highlights the need for improvement in clarity and grammar. This essay presents a balanced view but suffers from awkward expressions and organization issues. By addressing these elements, you can enhance your writing for a better score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · High Incomes · 40 min
Some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people think that this is beneficial for the nation, others believe that the government should limit how much money people can make. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay presents a balanced discussion on the topic, meeting the word count requirement. However, there are several grammatical errors, awkward expressions, and a lack of clear organization that affect clarity and cohesion. The writer's position is expressed, but it could be more explicitly articulated and supported.
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Some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people argue that this is beneficial for the nation, others have a different view say that the government should limit how much money people can make. In my opinion earning a high income has many advantages for the community.
Firstly, it is important to mention here a pivotal point that the market viability depends mainly on the population income. The main blood vein for the businesses is the cash money that is injected" title="Correction: cash money that is injected">cash money that injected by the average people on buying and selling movement. For instance some institutions who work in the market insight found that the market flourished when employee earn their periodic salaries. Moreover, societies with high incomes have a better quality of living, healthcare system and a variety of educational preferences.
On the other hand, Some groups have a perception of which the governments should determine an income seal for workers. They depend on their opinion on that any surplus which made by workers should reflected in a services provided by the administration. Meanwhile, worker focus on the production quantity and quality. Additionally, the government role has been more central which presents free health, free education and transportation as well. In this case when a central entity does this job, the community formation would be unified and homogenous.
In conclusion, the two concepts have a respected ground of reasons. While the centralism advocates call to limit the income earning and distribution, others are calling to liberalize the economy. However, for flexible fast paced economy people need to free their hands by let them to earn more to produce more.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| say that the government should limit | say that the government should limit | Punctuation: Missing conjunction; should be 'and say that' |
| it is important to mention here a pivotal point | it is important to mention a pivotal point here | Word order: 'here' should follow 'point' for clarity |
| cash money that injected | cash money that is injected | Missing auxiliary verb for passive voice |
| when employee earn | when employees earn | Plurality error: 'employees' for plural subject |
| which the governments should determine | that governments should determine | Incorrect relative pronoun usage |
| should reflected in | should be reflected in | Missing auxiliary verb for passive voice |
| worker focus | workers focus | Plurality error: 'workers' for plural subject |
| the community formation would be | the community would be | Unnecessary word: 'formation' is redundant |
| limit the income earning and distribution | limit income earning and distribution | Article misuse: remove 'the' for general nouns |
| by let them to earn more | by letting them earn more | Incorrect verb form: 'letting' is needed for correct grammar |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| cash money | currency | 'Currency' is the more precise term for 'cash money' |
| central which presents | central by providing | Incorrect collocation: 'by providing' is more appropriate |
| central entity | government | More specific: 'government' is more precise than 'central entity' |
| community formation | society | 'Society' is a more established term than 'community formation' |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses both sides of the issue and includes a personal opinion. It meets the task requirements generally well.
Examples
The writer discusses the benefits of high incomes and the arguments for limiting income.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed examples and evidence to support each side and your opinion, and ensure that your stance is clearly marked and concluded.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but lacks smooth transitions and clear logic in some areas.
Examples
Phrases like 'On the other hand,' are used, but the connection between ideas could be more clearly defined.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, and ensure logical progression of ideas with smooth transitions between points.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The essay displays adequate vocabulary but includes some inaccuracies and awkward expressions.
Examples
Phrases like 'the main blood vein' and 'income seal' are awkward and unclear in context.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary related to economics and policy discussions, and practice using more precise terms for clarity.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Several grammatical errors detract from the readability and precision of the essay.
Examples
Errors such as 'the cash money that injected' and 'the government role has been more central' are evident.
How to Improve
Review and practice complex sentence structures, and ensure subject-verb agreement. Pay attention to tense consistency and prepositions.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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