This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the debate surrounding high incomes. While both sides are presented, clarity issues and simplistic arguments hinder the effectiveness of the essay. Understanding how to improve clarity and cohesion will be beneficial for IELTS preparation.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· High Incomes Β· 40 min
Some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people think that this is beneficial for the nation, others believe that the government should limit how much money people can make. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (299 words) and addresses all parts of the task by discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas is sometimes simplistic or unclear, and there are frequent errors in spelling, grammar, and word choice that affect clarity and cohesion.
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When it comes to renumeration,there are different opinions to the matter.It is important to explore both sides of the argument to gain comprehensive understanding.In this essay,both sides of the topic will be discussed followed by my opinion.
Supporters of high incomes for employees argue that it has a possitive impact on people's well-being and standard of living.This is because increased wages allow them to provide basic needs for their families such as food and accommodation.For instance,if one earns more money they will be able to provide quality education for for their children.This will also facilitate reduce cases of early marriages.
Moreover,If employees earn high they will not migrate to other nations in search of greener pastures .Relocating of workers has a negative impact on the country for there will be shortage of skilled people.
Additionally the quality of service provided by workers will be high.This can be seen in instance where private school facilitators earn high salaries and mold children to produce excellent results whilst govenment teachers who earn less offer poor service and their students produce unpleasant results.Some of the govenment teachers end up offering private lessons with a fee, which shows that more money motivates employers to work hard.
On the other hand,opponents of high income contend that the govenment should limit the income and use the money to benefit the nation.This means some of the money will be used to build the country's infrastructure .For example money can be used in construction of road ,building of schools and hospitals and assisting underpriviileged children such as orphans.
After considering both sides of the argument,I am inclined to support that govenment should offer high salaries.I find the arguments in favour of high wages more compelling because it has a possitvve development on the quality of people's lives .
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| renumeration | remuneration |
| possitive | positive |
| govenment | government |
| underpriviileged | underprivileged |
| possitvve | positive |
Grammatical Mistakes
14 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| to the matter | on the matter | Preposition misuse; 'on' is more appropriate for opinions about a topic |
| gain comprehensive understanding | gain a comprehensive understanding | Article missing before 'comprehensive understanding' |
| discussed followed by my opinion | discussed, followed by my opinion | Comma missing to separate clauses |
| for for their children | for their children | Typographical error; remove repeated word |
| facilitate reduce | facilitate reducing | Verb form error; 'facilitate' requires a noun or gerund object |
| Moreover,If | Moreover, if | Capitalization error; 'if' should not be capitalized after a comma |
| for there will be shortage | because there will be a shortage | Article missing before 'shortage'; 'for' is less formal in this context |
| Additionally the quality | Additionally, the quality | Comma missing after introductory word |
| in instance where | in instances where | Article or plural form missing; 'instance' should be plural or preceded by an article |
| motivates employers | motivates employees | Word choice error; 'employers' should be 'employees' based on context |
| On the other hand,opponents | On the other hand, opponents | Missing space after comma |
| construction of road ,building | construction of roads, building | Plural form missing for 'road'; comma spacing |
| support that govenment | support the view that the government | Clause structure; 'support that' is often improved with 'the view that' for clarity |
| because it has a possitvve development | because they have a positive impact | Subject-verb agreement; 'high wages' is plural, so 'have'; 'development' should be 'impact' for better collocation |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| greener pastures | better opportunities | Idiomatic expression; more formal alternative preferred in academic writing |
| mold children | educate children | 'Mold' is metaphorical; 'educate' is more direct and academic |
| unpleasant results | poor results | Vague; 'poor' is more precise in this context |
| with a fee | for a fee | Preposition misuse; 'for' is standard for indicating payment |
| employers | employees | Incorrect word choice; should refer to workers, not hirers |
| facilitators | teachers | Less common term; 'teachers' is standard for educational contexts |
| earn high | earn high salaries | Incomplete phrase; more formal expression needed |
| positive development on | positive impact on | Wrong collocation; 'impact on' is standard for describing effects |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay covers both views and provides an opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, some arguments are not fully developed or directly relevant, which limits the depth of the discussion.
Examples
The connection between high incomes and reducing early marriages is tenuous. The example comparing private and government teachers is relevant but lacks detailed explanation to strengthen the argument.
How to Improve
Ensure each point is directly linked to the topic and developed with specific, relevant examples. Expand on how high incomes impact national benefits or why limiting them is preferable, providing more concrete evidence or reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion within and between sentences is sometimes mechanical or faulty, affecting the flow of ideas.
Examples
Transitions like 'Moreover' and 'Additionally' are used, but sentences such as 'This will also facilitate reduce cases' disrupt coherence. Paragraphing is present but could be more logically organized to separate distinct ideas.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore, consequently) to link ideas more naturally. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use punctuation correctly to avoid run-on sentences.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but several spelling errors and inappropriate word choices reduce the accuracy and effectiveness of the lexical resource.
Examples
Misspellings: 'renumeration' (should be 'remuneration'), 'possitive' ('positive'), 'govenment' ('government'). Incorrect word choice: 'employers' used where 'employees' is meant in context (e.g., 'motivates employers to work hard').
How to Improve
Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to confirm word meanings and practice using topic-specific vocabulary accurately. Avoid repetition by employing synonyms where appropriate.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally hinder communication. Punctuation issues are also present.
Examples
Incorrect verb pattern: 'facilitate reduce cases' should be 'facilitate reducing cases' or 'reduce cases'. Incomplete phrase: 'If employees earn high' should be 'earn high incomes'. Run-on sentence: 'whilst govenment teachers who earn less offer poor service and their students produce unpleasant results' requires better punctuation.
How to Improve
Review verb patterns, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure rules. Practice constructing complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions and punctuation. Consider using grammar check tools or seeking feedback on written work.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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