This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the debate over income regulation. While it discusses both views, clarity and vocabulary issues hinder the argument's effectiveness. Learn about key improvements to enhance your essay writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· High Incomes Β· 40 min
Some people in different countries earn very high incomes. While some people think that this is beneficial for the nation, others believe that the government should limit how much money people can make. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 250 words (actual: 255 words) and addresses all parts of the task by discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and there are issues with vocabulary and grammar that limit clarity and precision.
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It is often debated whether income should be controlled by the government. A group of individuals claim that earning money as much as possible will give benefits for the country. However, others argue that there should be a maximum salary in a country. Therefore, ahead of my opinion, both the views will be discussed further.
Examining the former opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is that with higher income, people will give more of their money for the country. This is because in various country, there are a regulation for payroll tax which are beneficial for the nation. In addition, they also believe that when the people are wealthy, it's easier for them to become a developed country. As wealthy people usually generalized as a well educated one, many groups think that they will help the government with their knowledge.
On the contrary, those in favor of the latter opinion have their own arguments. To begin with, they claim that there will be a significant difference between the highest income and the lowest income. Social inequality and unstable economy will be a following problem due to the very high salary. Moreover, with a clear law about maximum income, governments are able to prevent the abuse of power. Having excessive wealth can lead individuals to develop materialistic attitudes and a reduced sense of social responsibility
To conclude and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against the regulation of income in various country. However, I certainly favor the latter opinion.
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Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| earning money as much as possible | earning as much money as possible | Word order error; 'as much as possible' should modify 'money' directly. |
| will give benefits for the country | will provide benefits to the country | Preposition error; 'benefits for' is incorrect, use 'to' with 'provide'. |
| ahead of my opinion | before presenting my opinion | Incorrect phrase; 'ahead of' is not idiomatic in this context, use 'before'. |
| both the views | both views | Article misuse; 'the' is typically omitted after 'both' for general references. |
| in various country | in various countries | Noun number agreement; 'various' requires a plural noun. |
| there are a regulation for payroll tax which are beneficial | there are regulations for payroll tax which are beneficial | Subject-verb agreement and article misuse; 'a regulation' is singular, but 'are' is plural, so use plural 'regulations'. |
| when the people are wealthy, it's easier for them to become a developed country | when people are wealthy, it is easier for the country to become developed | Logical error and pronoun reference; 'them' incorrectly refers to 'people', but the country becomes developed, not the people. |
| As wealthy people usually generalized as a well educated one | As wealthy people are generally considered well-educated | Verb missing and number agreement; need 'are' for passive voice, and 'well-educated' should not have 'a' before it. |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| give benefits | provide benefits | 'Give' is less formal; 'provide' is more appropriate in academic writing. |
| ahead of my opinion | before presenting my opinion | 'Ahead of' is not standard here; 'before' is clearer and more formal. |
| well educated one | well-educated individuals | 'One' is vague and informal; 'individuals' is more precise. |
| many groups think | many proponents believe | 'Groups' is vague; 'proponents' specifies who holds the view. 'Think' is less formal than 'believe'. |
| a following problem | a consequent problem | 'Following' is vague; 'consequent' indicates cause and effect more clearly. |
| very high salary | excessively high salaries | 'Very high' is somewhat informal; 'excessively high' emphasizes the extremity. |
| clear law | explicit legislation | 'Clear' is vague; 'explicit' is more precise. 'Law' can be replaced with 'legislation' for formality. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt by presenting both views and stating a clear opinion. However, the ideas are not fully extended or supported with specific examples or detailed reasoning. For instance, the benefit of payroll tax is mentioned but not explained, and the link between wealth and education is asserted without elaboration.
Examples
Examples include: 'with higher income, people will give more of their money for the country' (vague) and 'wealthy people usually generalized as a well educated one' (unsubstantiated).
How to Improve
To improve, provide concrete examples, data, or real-world scenarios to support each argument. Explain how high incomes directly benefit the nation (e.g., through tax revenue, investment) or how limiting income reduces inequality (e.g., citing policies like progressive taxation). Ensure the opinion is reinforced with logical reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'However,' 'In addition,' 'On the contrary,' and 'Moreover,' but the flow between ideas is sometimes awkward. Paragraphing is logical, but within paragraphs, sentences could be better linked for smoother progression.
Examples
The introduction repeats the task wording without adding much original framing. The transition 'Therefore, ahead of my opinion' is somewhat forced. Body paragraphs start with topic sentences but lack internal cohesion.
How to Improve
Improve by using a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'consequently') and ensuring each paragraph has a central idea that is developed sequentially. Revise the introduction to paraphrase the question more effectively and preview main points. Use pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., replace 'country' with 'nation' or 'society').
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but limited in range and precision. There are several errors in word choice, collocation, and spelling, which occasionally hinder meaning. Some phrases are repetitive or awkward.
Examples
Errors include: 'give benefits for the country' (should be 'benefit the country'), 'a regulation for payroll tax' (should be 'regulations on payroll tax'), 'generalized as a well educated one' (should be 'generalized as well-educated individuals'), and 'a following problem' (should be 'a subsequent problem').
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning topic-specific terms (e.g., 'income disparity,' 'wealth redistribution,' 'economic growth'). Practice using collocations correctly (e.g., 'pay taxes,' 'earn high incomes'). Use a thesaurus to find synonyms and avoid repetition. Proofread to correct spelling and word form errors.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement, article misuse, pluralization, and tense consistency. Simple sentences dominate, with complex structures often flawed.
Examples
Incorrect: 'in various country' (should be 'countries'), 'there are a regulation' (should be 'there is a regulation'), 'which are beneficial' (should be 'which is beneficial'), 'wealthy people usually generalized' (should be 'are usually generalized'), 'it's easier for them to become a developed country' (illogical; should be 'for the country to become developed').
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses (e.g., using relative pronouns) and ensure they are error-free. Review common mistakes through grammar exercises and seek feedback on sentence structure. Read model essays to observe correct grammatical patterns.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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