This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay explores opinions on achieving a successful career through higher education versus immediate work. While it presents both views, the essay contains grammar and clarity issues that hinder full effectiveness. Understanding these problems can help you enhance your writing skills for better IELTS results.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views Β· Successful Careers Β· 40 min
Some people think that the best way to have a successful career is to study at university or college, while others think that it is better to start working right after finishing school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (270 words) and addresses all parts of the task by discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, the arguments are somewhat underdeveloped, and there are noticeable issues with grammar, vocabulary, and cohesion that limit the overall effectiveness.
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In recent years, the topic of bright future has become widely discussed. Some people believe that the best way to have a successful carrer is to study at university or college, whereas others think that it is better to start working right after completing school. This essay will discuss both perspective. In my opinion, students should atleast complete their bachelor's degree before joining a job. On the one hand, one major reason why people think that completing higher education is important because it helps them to specialize their knowledge, needed for practical skills. As a result, this will help them to build a powerful job resume by adding extra-curricular programes which they have completed in their universities. In addition they can improve their communication skills, problem solving skills and develope a strong personality, leading to get a better job opportunities. On the other hand, others believe that working right after completing the school is beneficial because it allows students to take responsibilities in early age of their lives. This means they can have more work experiance and by switching the companies frequently will help them to achieve a high package jobs. However, the other reason can be financial burden to the parents. They believe that student can manage their own expenses if they start working right after finishing the school. In conclusion, although their are convincing arguments for letting student do the job after completing their schooling, I believe that financial burden can be reduced by earning money through part-time job or internships. Students must need to complete their degree for the successful career and for the greater job opportunities.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| carrer | career |
| atleast | at least |
| programes | programs |
| develope | develop |
| experiance | experience |
| their | there |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| both perspective | both perspectives | Plural form needed after 'both'. |
| needed for practical skills | which is needed for practical skills | Dangling modifier; should be introduced with 'which is' for clarity. |
| In addition they | In addition, they | Missing comma after introductory phrase. |
| leading to get a better job opportunities | leading to better job opportunities | Incorrect use of 'get'; 'a' should not be used with plural 'opportunities'. |
| completing the school | completing school | No article needed with 'school' when referring to general education. |
| take responsibilities in early age | take responsibility at an early age | 'Responsibility' is uncountable here; correct preposition is 'at' and article 'an' before 'early age'. |
| switching the companies | switching companies | No article needed for general reference to companies. |
| a high package jobs | high-paying jobs | 'A' should not be used with plural 'jobs'; 'high package' is informal, corrected for clarity. |
| financial burden to the parents | financial burden on the parents | Preposition 'on' is used with 'burden' when referring to people. |
| student can manage | students can manage | Plural form needed for general statement. |
| letting student do the job | letting students work | Plural 'students' and 'work' is more appropriate than 'do the job'. |
| must need to | must | Redundant; 'must' already implies necessity. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| powerful job resume | strong resume | 'Powerful' is not idiomatic for resumes; 'strong' is more appropriate. |
| extra-curricular programes | extracurricular activities | 'Activities' is more commonly used in academic context for extracurricular involvement. |
| high package jobs | lucrative jobs | 'High package' is informal slang; 'lucrative' is a more formal and precise term. |
| do the job | work | 'Do the job' is informal; 'work' is more suitable for academic writing. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay presents both views and a clear opinion, but the development of ideas is limited. Arguments are listed without sufficient explanation or examples to support them fully.
Examples
For instance, the benefits of higher education are mentioned (e.g., specializing knowledge, improving skills) but not elaborated. The opposing view cites financial burden and work experience but lacks depth.
How to Improve
Expand on each point with specific examples or evidence. For example, explain how university programs provide practical skills or how early work experience leads to career advancement. Ensure both views are explored equally before stating your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion is weakened by awkward transitions and minor organizational issues.
Examples
Transition phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, but the flow between sentences is sometimes abrupt (e.g., 'In addition they can improve...' lacks a comma). The conclusion repeats points without synthesizing them effectively.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'conversely') and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Check punctuation to improve readability, and avoid repetitive phrasing.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic but includes several spelling errors and imprecise word choices, which reduce clarity and sophistication.
Examples
Misspellings: 'carrer' for 'career', 'develope' for 'develop', 'experiance' for 'experience'. Awkward phrases: 'powerful job resume' (better: 'strong resume'), 'high package jobs' (better: 'high-paying jobs').
How to Improve
Proofread for spelling errors and use more accurate academic vocabulary. For instance, replace 'bright future' with 'successful career' consistently. Consult a dictionary or thesaurus to find more precise terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally obscure meaning.
Examples
Article errors: 'a better job opportunities' (should be 'better job opportunities'). Incorrect word order: 'switching the companies frequently' (should be 'switching companies frequently'). Subject-verb agreement: 'their are' for 'there are'. Awkward construction: 'specialize their knowledge, needed for practical skills' (should be 'specialize in knowledge needed for practical skills').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially article usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Practice writing complex sentences with correct punctuation. Consider using grammar check tools or seeking feedback on drafts.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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