This band 6 IELTS essay discusses the choice of university subjects, highlighting significant issues in development and vocabulary usage. While it addresses both views, the essay's arguments lack depth and clarity, revealing areas for improvement in coherence and lexical resource.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · University Students · 40 min
There are two opposing views on whether university students should be free to choose their own subjects or whether they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (321 words) and addresses the task by discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, ideas are underdeveloped, and there are noticeable issues with vocabulary, grammar, and cohesion, resulting in an overall band 6.0 performance.
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The pespective on whether university students should be free to choose their own career path way or pursue compalsory field of study rises a lot of debate because not all student will be interested in science and technolgy and have the capacity to pass in that field of study .
Firstly , i am of the opinion that university students should be allowed to freely choose the subjects they want to study at university mainly because one might not be interested in studying science and technology ,some students might not have the capacity to pass any subjects in areas of science and technology .This can create a negative attitude towards studying especially to those students that will not have interest in science and technology .They are some subjects that are not related to science and technology that can be useful in future .It is important to bear in mind that students may have different passions and career paths they may want to pursue ,so choosing subjects for them to study may kill that passion and shutter their dreams.
Secondly , i also believe that it is important to encourage students to study subjects related to science and technology because nowadays with the way things are changing ,the world is moving towards more of things that require science and technolgy knowledge.It is important to encourage university students to better and meaningful careers" title="Correction: pursue fields that will lead to better and meaningful careers">pursue careers that will help them find better and meaningful careers after completing their university studies .
In conclusion i am strongly of the opinion that everyone has the right to choose career paths they wish to pursue , bearing in mind that student have different strengths in different field of study , also they have diverse career paths they dream to pursue ,so if they are allowed to choose subjects to study on their own it will motivate them to be study hard and eventually be who they want to be in future.
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Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| pespective | perspective |
| compalsory | compulsory |
| technolgy | technology |
| shutter | shatter |
| i | I |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| rises a lot of debate | raises a lot of debate | Verb error: 'rise' is intransitive; 'raise' is transitive and correct here. |
| not all student will be interested | not all students will be interested | Subject-verb agreement: 'student' should be plural to agree with 'all'. |
| They are some subjects | There are some subjects | Incorrect use of 'they'; 'there are' is used to indicate existence. |
| in future | in the future | Missing definite article; 'the future' is the correct phrase. |
| towards more of things | towards more things | Awkward phrasing; 'more of' is incorrect in this context. |
| science and technolgy knowledge | scientific and technological knowledge | Adjectives should be used to modify 'knowledge' for correct form. |
| pursue careers that will help them find better and meaningful careers | pursue fields that will lead to better and meaningful careers | Redundant use of 'careers'; improved for clarity and coherence. |
| student have different strengths | students have different strengths | Subject-verb agreement: 'student' should be plural. |
| in different field of study | in different fields of study | Plural required for 'field' to match 'different'. |
| to be study hard | to study hard | Incorrect verb form; after 'motivate them to', use base form 'study'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| path way | career path | 'Path way' is incorrect; 'career path' is the standard term for professional trajectory. |
| pass | succeed | 'Pass' is vague and informal; 'succeed' is more appropriate in academic context. |
| kill that passion | dampen that passion | 'Kill' is too informal and harsh; 'dampen' is more formal and suitable. |
| the way things are changing | the rapid changes in society | Vague phrasing; more precise language improves clarity and academic tone. |
| better and meaningful careers | fulfilling and prosperous careers | 'Better' is vague; 'fulfilling and prosperous' is more descriptive and academic. |
| be who they want to be | achieve their career aspirations | Informal expression; 'achieve their career aspirations' is more formal and precise. |
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Task Response
6
Evaluation
The essay presents both views and a clear opinion, but arguments are not fully extended or supported with specific examples. For instance, the discussion on free choice mentions lack of interest and capacity without elaboration, while the view on science and technology is briefly stated without deep analysis.
Examples
Example: 'some students might not have the capacity to pass any subjects in areas of science and technology' – this point is not developed with reasons or evidence. Similarly, the benefits of science and technology are mentioned but not explored in detail.
How to Improve
To improve, extend each argument with relevant examples, explanations, and consequences. For example, discuss how forcing students into certain fields might lead to dropout rates, or how science and technology drive innovation and job markets. Ensure both sides are balanced and thoroughly analyzed.
Coherence and Cohesion
5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion is weak due to awkward transitions and limited linking devices. Paragraphs are identifiable but ideas within them are not always logically connected.
Examples
Example: 'Firstly , i am of the opinion' – incorrect spacing and capitalization. The transition between paragraphs is abrupt, and sentences like 'They are some subjects' disrupt flow. Also, the conclusion repeats points without synthesizing them effectively.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, in contrast) to link ideas. Ensure proper punctuation and capitalization. Plan paragraphs so each has a clear topic sentence and supporting details, and improve the flow by connecting ideas more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is repetitive and often inaccurate, with several spelling errors and awkward word choices. The range is limited, affecting the clarity and sophistication of the essay.
Examples
Spelling errors: 'pespective' (perspective), 'compalsory' (compulsory), 'technolgy' (technology). Awkward phrasing: 'career path way' (should be 'career path'), 'shutter their dreams' (should be 'shatter their dreams'). Repetition of words like 'important' and 'study'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning topic-related words and using synonyms. Practice spelling and proofread carefully. Avoid informal expressions and use more precise terms. For example, instead of 'useful in future,' use 'beneficial for future careers.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
5.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent, including subject-verb agreement, article misuse, and incorrect sentence structures. Sentence variety is limited, with mostly simple constructions.
Examples
Errors: 'rises a lot of debate' (should be 'raises a lot of debate'), 'They are some subjects' (should be 'There are some subjects'), 'i' (should be 'I'). Punctuation issues: spaces before commas (e.g., 'Firstly ,'). Sentence fragments and run-on sentences also occur.
How to Improve
Practice complex sentence structures (e.g., using relative clauses or conditional sentences) and focus on accuracy. Review grammar rules for articles, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Proofread to correct errors and improve sentence clarity.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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