This Band 7 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the integration of computers in education, presenting both perspectives on its benefits and drawbacks. While the essay effectively covers the topic, the development of ideas, particularly regarding the obsolescence of teachers, could be more comprehensive. Improve your understanding of how to enhance arguments with this detailed feedback.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Discuss both views · Computers in Education · 40 min
Some argue that the increasing integration of computers into education is a positive and inevitable development. Others express concern that this technological advancement could render the role of teachers obsolete. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (267 words) and addresses all parts of the prompt. It presents both views and a clear opinion, but the development of ideas, particularly regarding the potential obsolescence of teachers, is somewhat limited. The essay is well-organized with appropriate cohesive devices, but vocabulary and grammatical structures could be more varied to achieve a higher band.
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In today's world, the use of computers in education has become increasingly prevalent. While many people support the integration of computers into schools, others argue that this development has several drawbacks. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view.
Supporters argue that computers have a significant positive impact on students' learning. They enable learners to understand complex concepts more easily by providing visual and interactive materials. For example, when teaching about the human heart, which students cannot see directly, teachers can project detailed images or simulations on a computer screen. This helps learners visualize the organ and better retain the information. Furthermore, technology is now widespread, and computer literacy is essential for success in the modern job market. Therefore, introducing computers in schools prepares students for future employment.
On the other hand, critics believe that the introduction of computers in educational institutions may negatively affect the role of teachers. Although technology can facilitate learning, some teachers might become overly dependent on digital tools, potentially reducing the quality of direct instruction. Additionally, there are concerns that governments may shift towards online-based curricula, which could reduce the demand for traditional teaching roles and increase unemployment. Such changes may negatively affect people's livelihoods and overall well-being.
After considering both sides, I believe that the advantages of using computers in education outweigh the disadvantages. Computer skills are essential in today's society, and integrating technology into classrooms better equips students for the future. However, computer-based learning should be carefully supervised by teachers to ensure that students remain focused and avoid distractions such as video games or social media platforms.
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Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed. The view that teachers might become obsolete is only briefly mentioned with limited analysis.
Examples
The essay states that critics believe computers may 'negatively affect the role of teachers' and mentions over-dependence and online curricula reducing teaching roles, but it does not explore whether teachers could be entirely replaced or how their role might evolve.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more detailed explanations and examples for each perspective. For instance, discuss the irreplaceable human aspects of teaching (e.g., motivation, empathy) or how technology might transform rather than eliminate the teacher's role.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, though they could be more varied.
Examples
Linking words such as 'While', 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'Although', and 'However' are used correctly. However, connections within paragraphs are sometimes basic, and referencing could be improved.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast', 'Moreover', 'Consequently') and ensure clear referencing. Strengthen paragraph cohesion by using topic sentences and linking them back to the thesis statement.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task and generally accurate, but it lacks sophistication and less common lexical items. There is some repetition.
Examples
Words like 'prevalent', 'complex concepts', 'simulations', and 'computer literacy' are appropriate but not advanced. Phrases like 'positive impact' and 'negative affect' are common.
How to Improve
Incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary. Use synonyms (e.g., 'digital tools' instead of 'computers'), collocations (e.g., 'harness technology'), and less common lexical items to demonstrate a wider range.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates good grammatical control with a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there is limited use of more complex grammatical structures.
Examples
Complex sentences like 'Although technology can facilitate learning, some teachers might become overly dependent...' are used. However, there are no conditional sentences, passive voice is rare, and sentence structures are mostly straightforward.
How to Improve
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including conditional sentences (e.g., 'If computers were to replace teachers...'), passive constructions, and more complex subordinate clauses. Vary sentence length and use punctuation effectively.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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