This Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the impact of media violence on youth behavior. While it effectively presents a clear stance, the essay contains grammatical errors and lexical inaccuracies that slightly impede comprehension. Improving grammatical flexibility and coherence could elevate the score further.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay presents a clear stance on the effect of violence in media on youth and suggests educational measures to mitigate it. Some grammatical errors and lexical inaccuracies slightly impede comprehension, but the response effectively addresses all parts of the task. Further enhancement in grammatical flexibility and cohesion would improve the overall score.
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Many people believe that the amount of violence seen on TV and in films can influence the behaviour of the youngest, and therefore raise the violence levels in the society. In my view, I believe that this is true, since the displaying of violence can lead to a normalization of this kind of behaviour, making it easier to reproduce them.
The reason why I agree with the idea that displaying violence on television can be negative for the young people, is because it supports the internalization of such behaviour. Despite this is not always true, at a younger age people might not be fully able to distinguish between a positive or a negative action. For instance, teenagers tend to reproduce the behaviour that they see in the environment that surround them. Thus, if it is made of aggressive scenes, this can be seen as a model recognized and accepted by society. Therefore, they risk to absorb violent reactions and reproduce them. This is extremely negative due to the fact it can raise violence levels in our society.
One step that could be taken to decrease the level of violence, apart from reducing the showcasing on television of content that cointain aggressive behaviour, is to educate the youth on the risks of the emulation. Raising awareness about the fact that such behaviour has negative impacts on the lives of people can be a solution to stop the spreading of violence. In fact, through early education, young adults can pheraphs take more aware decision on how to behave. I believe this could help reducing the influence of violent movies on the youngest.
In conclusion, I do agree with the fact that, unfortunately, the great amount of violence to which the youth is exposed is one of the causes of the consequent higher level of violence in our society. Thus because it communicate the message that violence is accepted and that it is how people should behave. However, by including an education path on these aspects at school might help in eradicating a wrong understanding of what is good and bad.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| cointain | contain |
| pheraphs | perhaps |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| the behaviour of the youngest | the behavior of the young | Use 'the young' instead of 'the youngest' for clarity and correctness. |
| since the displaying of violence | since displaying violence | Use gerund form without 'the' to make the sentence smoother. |
| despite this is | despite this being | 'Despite' should be followed by a noun or gerund. |
| environment that surround | environment that surrounds | Subject-verb agreement: 'environment' is singular and requires 'surrounds'. |
| they risk to absorb | they risk absorbing | The phrase 'risk + ing form' is the correct form. |
| to stop the spreading | to stop the spread | 'Spread' is the correct noun form to use here, not 'spreading'. |
| take more aware decision | make more aware decisions | The correct phrase is 'make decisions'. 'Aware' should modify 'decisions'. |
| help reducing | help reduce | The correct phrase is 'help reduce' not 'help reducing'. |
| Thus because it communicate | Thus, because it communicates | Punctuation needed after 'Thus' and subject-verb agreement: 'it' requires 'communicates'. |
| by including an education path on these aspects at school might help | including an educational path on these aspects at school might help | 'Educational' is the correct adjective form to use, and the sentence requires restructuring. |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| extremely negative | detrimental | Use 'detrimental' for a more precise academic tone. |
| youth | young individuals | Use 'young individuals' for more clarity and formality. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear position regarding the influence of media violence on young people and proposes educational measures to counteract it.
Examples
The essay discusses how violence can be normalized through media and suggests education as a preventive measure.
How to Improve
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed with equal depth and explore additional solutions or perspectives for a more comprehensive response.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing, but transitions are occasionally awkward or abrupt.
Examples
The transition between discussing the influence of violence and suggesting solutions is a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
How to Improve
Use varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and ensure each paragraph clearly contributes to your overall argument.
Lexical Resource6.5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, though with occasional inaccuracies.
Examples
Words like 'pheraphs' and 'cointain' are misspelled, and 'youngest' is not the best choice.
How to Improve
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using precise words for clearer communication. Also, ensure that spelling and collocations are correct.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay shows a range of grammatical structures, but errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and word form are present, affecting clarity.
Examples
Issues like 'people might not be fully able to distinguish' and 'help reducing' affect grammatical accuracy.
How to Improve
Review and practice using a variety of grammatical structures more accurately, focusing on verb forms and agreement.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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