This Band 8 IELTS essay on media violence critically examines how violent content affects youth behavior and suggests practical measures for reduction. While it effectively presents a balanced argument, including various influences beyond media, providing more specific examples could enhance the overall quality of the argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, this essay addresses the task appropriately by discussing the influence of violence in media on young people and providing solutions to reduce violence. It effectively covers both parts of the task. With a clear structure and coherent progression, the essay offers a well-developed argument with appropriate examples. The use of language is varied and precise with minor errors.
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Many people believe that the increasing amount of violence shown on television and in films has a negative influence on young people and contributes to higher levels of violence in society. I partly agree with this view because media can affect behavior, but it is not the only factor responsible for violent actions. In addition, several practical measures can be taken to reduce violence.
On the one hand, violent content in the media may influence children and teenagers, especially those who spend long hours watching television or movies. Young viewers often imitate the behavior of characters they admire without fully understanding the consequences of their actions. Repeated exposure to violent scenes can also make people less sensitive to aggression, causing them to see violence as a normal way of solving problems.
On the other hand, I do not believe that television and films are the main causes of violence. Family background, education, peer influence, poverty, and mental health issues play a much more significant role in shaping a person's behavior. Many people watch action movies regularly but never become violent because they are able to distinguish fiction from reality. Therefore, media should be seen as one of several contributing factors rather than the primary cause.
To reduce violence, governments and society should work together. First, stricter age ratings and parental controls should be enforced to prevent children from accessing inappropriate content. Second, schools should provide media literacy education so that students can think critically about what they watch. Finally, parents should spend more time communicating with their children and encourage positive activities such as sports, reading, and community service instead of excessive screen time.
In conclusion, although violent television programs and films can influence young people's attitudes and behavior, they are not the sole cause of violence in society. A combination of responsible parenting, better education, and effective government regulation is essential to reduce violence and create a safer community.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response8
Evaluation
The essay fully addresses all parts of the task, offering a balanced view and practical measures to reduce violence.
Examples
It discusses how media influences behavior and mentions family background, education, and other factors as significant.
How to Improve
Consider providing more specific examples or studies to support your points to further strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
The essay is well-organized with a clear progression of ideas. Cohesion is achieved through appropriate use of linking words.
Examples
Transitions like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used effectively to structure arguments.
How to Improve
While the current organization is effective, ensure each paragraph has a strong concluding sentence to reinforce the main point.
Lexical Resource8
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary with precision and flexibility, appropriate to the topic.
Examples
Phrases like 'practical measures,' 'repeated exposure,' and 'media literacy education' showcase lexical variety.
How to Improve
To improve, incorporate some idiomatic expressions or less common lexical items to enhance sophistication.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
The essay employs a variety of grammatical structures with a high degree of accuracy, evidenced by diverse sentence types.
Examples
Complex sentences like 'Although violent television programs... they are not the sole cause...' are well-constructed.
How to Improve
For further improvement, try experimenting with more sophisticated structures and passive voice for variety.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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