This Band 6.5 IELTS essay examines the impact of television violence on society and suggests solutions. While the position is clear, it lacks specificity in examples and coherence in transitions. Addressing these aspects can enhance the overall argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the prompt with a generally clear position on the influence of television violence and proposes solutions, although some aspects can be more developed. The discussion lacks some specificity and depth in addressing the steps to lessen violence. Coherence is maintained well, though connections between some ideas could be clearer. Use of vocabulary is appropriate and varied, while grammatical structures show a good range but with minor inaccuracies.
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The extent to which television violence has become a pressing concern has sparked considerable debate in contemporary society. While some maintain that the violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our youth, others strongly argue that in this way the level of violence raises in our society. From my standpoint, I firmly agree that the issue poses several significant problems that require urgent solutions. This essay will critically examine the problems associated with this violence before presenting a reasoned conclusion.
The problems related to television violence highlight several compelling concerns. A primary problem is that it can worsen existing conditions by creating complications and hindering constructive change. For instance, when unnecessary or negative ads are implemented without foresight, they can generate negative outcomes such as adverse effects on children's mental health, limit opportunities for engaging in other mind relaxing activities, and create obstacles that impede progress. Consequently, many regard this approach as a serious and growing challenge.
To address these issues, behavioural problems in society can be addressed through significant solutions. A major concern is that, if properly managed, it may prevent complications or reduce strain on public facilities. For example, when a better system is introduced with adequate safeguards, it can restore effectiveness or ensure fairness for people. Therefore, advocates emphasize the necessity of decisive action to mitigate these problems.
Considering both the problems and the solutions, it becomes evident that the issue is multifaceted rather than straightforward. While the problems of television violence are substantial, the proposed measures warrant equal consideration. In my view, the most sustainable approach lies in striking a balance, resolving key problems while simultaneously implementing effective solutions through thoughtful oversight.
In conclusion, although television violence presents undeniable problems, the possible solutions to improve youths' quality of life raise legitimate concerns that must not be overlooked. Overall, a balanced and well‑regulated strategy appears most effective, as it resolves core issues while safeguarding stability and fairness.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
1 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| the level of violence raises in our society | the level of violence rises in our society | Incorrect verb form: 'raises' should be 'rises' as it does not take a direct object in this context |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| mind relaxing activities | mentally relaxing activities | Incorrect collocation: 'mentally relaxing activities' is a more precise phrase |
| warrant equal consideration | require equal consideration | 'Require' is a more formal and precise verb in this context |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The essay generally addresses the task by discussing the influence of television violence and suggesting solutions. The argument is clear but could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of solutions.
Examples
While the influence of television violence on youth is mentioned, specific examples of how this manifests or what steps exactly can be taken are not detailed.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed examples and a deeper explanation of potential solutions to clearly address the task requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is organized logically with a clear progression of ideas. Transitions between some sections could be more seamless.
Examples
The connection between 'significant solutions' and their impacts could be more explicitly stated.
How to Improve
Ensure each paragraph has a clear link back to the overall argument and enhance transitions between ideas for better flow.
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
The essay uses a range of vocabulary accurately. There is a good use of topic-specific vocabulary related to violence and societal issues.
Examples
Terms like 'constructive change' and 'multifaceted' are used effectively.
How to Improve
Continue to use varied vocabulary, but ensure word choice always enhances the clarity of the argument.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
A good range of grammatical structures is attempted, with mostly accurate usage. However, there are minor errors that occasionally hinder clarity.
Examples
Sentences like 'while some maintain that the violence seen...' could be simplified for clarity.
How to Improve
Pay attention to sentence structure and punctuation to improve clarity and ensure grammatical accuracy. Simplify complex sentences where possible.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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