This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay tackles the influence of media violence on youth behavior. While it meets the word count and addresses the question, clarity and structure issues hinder its effectiveness. Key feedback points include repetitive arguments and limited examples that could strengthen the response.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the 250-word minimum (259 words) and addresses both parts of the question: agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting steps to reduce violence. However, the development is limited, with some repetitive points and a lack of specific examples. Spelling errors (e.g., 'voilence', 'contemprary', 'youmsters') and grammatical inaccuracies affect clarity and lexical variety. The overall band is 5.5, reflecting a basic but incomplete response to the task.
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Many people argue that amount of voilence seen on television and in movies great influence" title="Correction: has a great influence">has great influence on the behaviour of younger generation which increased the level of voilence in real life. I completely agree to this view because young people are easily influenced by what they watch. To avoid this violence, it is important to take control of media content and educate both parents and youth.
In this contemprary world, people admire their favourite characters doing violence in movies and shows. Teenagers may copy them, thinking that it might be exciting and acceptable in real life. However, they become less sensitive to real world violence. For instance, a growing child has a mind which is in developing state, his mind can be influenced by negative media.
In order to reduce violence in the society, several steps can be taken. One effective solution is to put limits to voilent content. Another solution is to educate parents about how to control media content on the gadgets of their children. Movies and animations can show disclaimers before getting into actual scenes. Schools can also play role in teaching children how to control their anger and solve problems peacefully.
In conclusion, I believe that violence in media does affect younsters and may lead to more violence in the community. Young minds get easily influenced by what they watch, they often mimic violent actions and they become insensitive to real world violence. To deal with this problem we need stronger control over violent media and provide better education for both children and their families.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
4 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| voilence | violence |
| voilent | violent |
| contemprary | contemporary |
| younsters | youngsters |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| amount of voilence | the amount of violence | Missing definite article 'the' before 'amount' |
| has great influence | has a great influence | Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'great influence' |
| behaviour of younger generation | behaviour of the younger generation | Missing definite article 'the' before 'younger generation' |
| agree to this view | agree with this view | Incorrect preposition; 'agree with' is standard |
| which increased | which increases | Subject-verb tense agreement; use present tense to match main clause |
| in developing state | in a developing state | Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'developing state' |
| in the society | in society | Unnecessary definite article; 'society' used generally |
| put limits to | put limits on | Incorrect preposition; 'limits on' is standard |
| play role | play a role | Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'role' |
| they become less sensitive ... they often mimic | they become less sensitive. They often mimic | Comma splice; separate into two sentences |
| we need stronger control ... and provide better education | we need stronger control ... and to provide better education | Parallel structure: 'need' requires either two nouns or two infinitives |
Vocabulary Improvements
9 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| great influence | significant influence | 'Great' is vague; 'significant' is more precise for academic writing |
| copy them | imitate them | 'Copy' is informal; 'imitate' is more formal and accurate |
| become less sensitive | become desensitized | 'Desensitized' is a precise term for reduced emotional response to violence |
| negative media | harmful media content | 'Negative' is vague; 'harmful media content' specifies the nature |
| put limits to | impose restrictions on | More formal and precise phrasing |
| control media content | monitor media content | 'Control' is too broad; 'monitor' implies supervision without total control |
| on the gadgets of their children | on their children's devices | More natural and concise phrasing |
| get into actual scenes | depict violent scenes | Informal 'get into'; 'depict' is more appropriate for media |
| stronger control | stricter regulation | 'Regulation' is more precise for media policies |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay clearly states a position (agree) and attempts to discuss both the influence of media violence and possible solutions. However, the arguments lack depth and specific supporting evidence. The example about a child's developing mind is vague, and the steps are presented generically without elaboration or real-world application. The conclusion mainly restates earlier ideas without adding new insight.
Examples
- 'Teenagers may copy them, thinking that it might be exciting and acceptable in real life.' (general statement without specific example)
- 'Movies and animations can show disclaimers before getting into actual scenes.' (a relevant idea but not developed)
How to Improve
Use specific studies, real-life cases, or detailed examples to support the argument. For the solutions section, explain how each step could be implemented and why it would be effective. Ensure each paragraph contributes new information rather than repeating the same idea.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs (one for reasons, one for steps), and a conclusion. Transition words like 'However', 'In order to', 'Another solution', and 'In conclusion' are used. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes awkward, and the second body paragraph lists solutions without clear logical progression. The repetition of ideas (e.g., young people being influenced) weakens coherence.
Examples
- 'In this contemprary world, people admire their favourite characters doing violence in movies and shows. Teenagers may copy them...' (the link between 'people' and 'teenagers' is unclear)
- 'Another solution is to educate parents about how to control media content on the gadgets of their children.' (good transition, but the following sentence about disclaimers seems disconnected)
How to Improve
Use more varied cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'on the other hand'). Organize solutions in a clear order (e.g., immediate, long-term) and link each step to the previous one. Avoid repeating the same points across paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors. Words like 'violence', 'contemporary', and 'youngsters' are misspelled ('voilence', 'contemprary', 'youmsters'). There is some attempt at less common words ('insensitive', 'disclaimers'), but range is narrow. Collocations are often incorrect (e.g., 'put limits to voilent content' should be 'impose limits on violent content').
Examples
- 'amount of voilence' (should be 'the amount of violence')
- 'a mind which is in developing state' (better: 'a developing mind')
- 'schools can also play role' (missing article: 'play a role')
How to Improve
Build vocabulary on the topic of media effects (e.g., 'desensitisation', 'aggressive behaviour', 'censorship', 'media literacy'). Practice spelling common words correctly. Use collocations like 'take measures', 'exert an influence', 'curb violence'. Read sample IELTS essays to see how ideas are paraphrased.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay mainly uses simple and compound sentences. There are frequent grammatical errors: missing articles ('the behaviour of younger generation'), incorrect prepositions ('influence on' is correct, but 'influence to' appears), and awkward structures ('people admire their favourite characters doing violence'). Subject-verb agreement is mostly OK, but sentence fragments exist ('However, they become less sensitive to real world violence' - missing subject connection). Punctuation is basic.
Examples
- 'Many people argue that amount of voilence seen on television...' (missing 'the' before 'amount')
- 'Teenagers may copy them, thinking that it might be exciting and acceptable in real life.' (the pronoun 'it' is unclear)
- 'a growing child has a mind which is in developing state, his mind can be influenced' (comma splice)
How to Improve
Review the use of articles (a/an/the) and practice complex sentence structures (e.g., 'Because young people are easily influenced, they may...'). Break long run-on sentences into clear clauses. Work on eliminating comma splices by using full stops or conjunctions. Proofread for common mistakes in spelling and grammar.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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