Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay on Media Violence: Coherence Issues and Grammar
Sample Answer with Feedback

Personally, I would say I agree with this statement. It is because young people always learned from whatever they see and they always tried to follow based on the what they've been looking at. In addition, some of movies shows a lot of violence which is influenced tha bad behaviour for a young people. But, the parents of the young children has to do some boundaries about what kind of things they need to see. The parents should know what is the best for their own children. It is because you already make decision to have your own children and it is your job to make your children become a good person, which is a children with the good behaviour, especially when it comes to society. The kind of something that parents can do about increasing the bad influence quantity of violence seen on television and in movies is the parents must give their children the information since childhood about how bad the quantity of violence that they get from the television and movies. In other words, the parents needs to build their awareness and knowledge about the effect about it. Furthermore, the children has the ability to choose which kind of television or movies that is suitable for them to watch or see. If the parents successfully tell to their children and the children like to hear it and doing it, I would say they wouldn't get the influence of the bad behaviour from the what they already seen, such as television and movies.

     Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

      To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

      Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

      In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.