This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior. While the response addresses the question, it suffers from cohesion issues and underdeveloped arguments. Learn how to enhance your essay by refining your argumentation and linking ideas more effectively.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 273 words and addresses all parts of the question. However, it lacks depth in argumentation, has coherence issues, limited vocabulary with errors, and frequent grammatical mistakes, which reduce its overall effectiveness.
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Many people believe that exposure of violence on television and in movies influences on the young people and increase violent in the society.I strongly agree with this view because young people are highly impressionable, constant shown of media violent has bad impact on teenager attitude and behaviour.This eassy will discuss the reason of this impact and give solution to reduce the violence.
The first reason of media violent in teenager is that they tend to imitate what they see.Sometime the young people often admire the movie heros and television characters, especially when they shown violence as powerfull and entertaning.After that they may believe that aggression is an aceptable way to slove conflicts.Over time repeated visibility of violence reduce their senstivity in real life and they understand violent behaviour as normal rather than harmful.
The second main reason is lack of control over media consumption.Today young people have easily access of violent content through online plateform, television and mobile phone.Without proper parental subvision, they easily watch content which is unsafe for their age.So uncontrolled exposure increase aggressive thoughts and behaviour of teenager which already struggle with emotion control.
Some people believe that media is not the main cause of violence while some background problem and social issues are the main reason.While these factors also do play role but media violent is cause main facts on teenager.So this fact is not ignored.
Overall conclusion is that exposure of violence on television and in films influences the behaviour of our younger people.Government should made strict content regulations.Parents should monitor their childrens what they watch.Schools should guide childrens about negetive impacts of violence.These rules reduce the violence.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
12 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| eassy | essay |
| senstivity | sensitivity |
| negetive | negative |
| childrens | children |
| heros | heroes |
| powerfull | powerful |
| entertaning | entertaining |
| aceptable | acceptable |
| slove | solve |
| plateform | platform |
| subvision | supervision |
| sometime | sometimes |
Grammatical Mistakes
20 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| exposure of violence | exposure to violence | Preposition misuse; 'to' is used with 'exposure' |
| influences on the young people | influences young people | Unnecessary preposition 'on' |
| increase violent in the society | increases violence in society | Subject-verb agreement and article misuse |
| constant shown of media violent | constant exposure to media violence | Incorrect verb form and word choice |
| has bad impact on teenager attitude and behaviour | has a negative impact on teenagers' attitudes and behaviour | Article missing and plural form |
| the reason of this impact | the reasons for this impact | Preposition misuse |
| give solution | provide solutions | Article and plural |
| reason of media violent in teenager | reason for media violence among teenagers | Preposition misuse and word form |
| they shown violence | violence is shown | Passive voice needed |
| reduce their senstivity | reduces their sensitivity | Subject-verb agreement |
| have easily access of | have easy access to | Adjective vs. adverb and preposition |
| increase aggressive thoughts | increases aggressive thoughts | Subject-verb agreement |
| of teenager which already struggle | of teenagers who already struggle | Plural and relative pronoun |
| some background problem | some background problems | Plural form |
| are the main reason | are the main reasons | Plural agreement |
| While these factors also do play role but | While these factors also play a role, | Conjunction misuse; 'but' is redundant with 'while' |
| media violent is cause main facts on teenager | media violence is the main cause of effects on teenagers | Incorrect phrasing and word choice |
| Government should made | Government should make | Modal verb requires base form |
| monitor their childrens what they watch | monitor what their children watch | Word order and plural |
| guide childrens about negetive impacts | educate children about negative impacts | Word choice and preposition |
Vocabulary Improvements
9 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| bad impact | negative impact | Informal; 'negative' is more academic |
| slove conflicts | resolve conflicts | 'Solve' is less common for conflicts; 'resolve' is better collocation |
| visibility of violence | exposure to violence | 'Visibility' is vague; 'exposure' is more precise |
| main facts | primary effects | 'Facts' is incorrect here; should be effects |
| cause main facts | is the main cause | Incorrect phrasing |
| easily access | easy access | Incorrect collocation; 'easy' is adjective, 'access' is noun |
| younger people | young people | Redundant; 'young people' is sufficient |
| made regulations | implement regulations | 'Made' is vague; 'implement' is more precise for regulations |
| guide childrens | educate children | 'Guide' is less specific; 'educate' is better for teaching about impacts |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The writer presents a clear position agreeing with the statement and provides reasons and solutions. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the counterargument is briefly mentioned without elaboration.
Examples
For example, the essay states 'Some people believe that media is not the main cause...' but does not expand on this or refute it effectively.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more detailed explanations for each reason, include specific examples, and thoroughly address counterarguments to strengthen the response.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and lack of linking devices.
Examples
Paragraphs start with 'The first reason...' and 'The second main reason...', but within paragraphs, sentences are not smoothly connected. For instance, 'After that they may believe...' follows without clear linkage.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in addition, consequently) to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate, with spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. There is repetition of key terms without variation.
Examples
Incorrect use of 'violent' as a noun instead of 'violence' (e.g., 'media violent'), misspellings like 'senstivity' for 'sensitivity' and 'negetive' for 'negative'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning and using synonyms (e.g., 'aggression' instead of 'violence'), practice correct spelling, and use words in context accurately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with errors in verb forms, articles, and punctuation.
Examples
Errors such as 'constant shown of media violent' (should be 'constant showing of media violence'), 'they easily watch content which is unsafe' (awkward phrasing), and missing articles in 'lack of control over media consumption'.
How to Improve
Work on using complex sentences correctly, practice subject-verb agreement, use articles appropriately, and proofread to correct punctuation and tense errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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