Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Media Violence: Cohesion & Argumentation Issues
Sample Answer with Feedback

πŸ“… Published Mar 2026 ⏱️ 40 minutes recommended πŸ“ 273 words Β· Band 5.5
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This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior. While the response addresses the question, it suffers from cohesion issues and underdeveloped arguments. Learn how to enhance your essay by refining your argumentation and linking ideas more effectively.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Question

Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min


Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?

Write at least 250 words.


5.5 Band

Overall Band Score

273 words · Two-part Question Β· AI Evaluated

6
Task Response
5.5
Coherence
5
Lexical Resource
5
Grammar

Score Breakdown

IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)

Task Response
6
Coherence and Cohesion
5.5
Lexical Resource
5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
5

Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 273 words and addresses all parts of the question. However, it lacks depth in argumentation, has coherence issues, limited vocabulary with errors, and frequent grammatical mistakes, which reduce its overall effectiveness.

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Student Answer
Real submission β€’ 273 words β€’ Annotated
273 words Band 5.5 WritingPart2
● Spelling ● Grammar ● Vocabulary

Many people believe that exposure of violence on television and in movies influences on the young people and increase violent in the society.I strongly agree with this view because young people are highly impressionable, constant shown of media violent has bad impact on teenager attitude and behaviour.This eassy will discuss the reason of this impact and give solution to reduce the violence.

The first reason of media violent in teenager is that they tend to imitate what they see.Sometime the young people often admire the movie heros and television characters, especially when they shown violence as powerfull and entertaning.After that they may believe that aggression is an aceptable way to slove conflicts.Over time repeated visibility of violence reduce their senstivity in real life and they understand violent behaviour as normal rather than harmful.

The second main reason is lack of control over media consumption.Today young people have easily access of violent content through online plateform, television and mobile phone.Without proper parental subvision, they easily watch content which is unsafe for their age.So uncontrolled exposure increase aggressive thoughts and behaviour of teenager which already struggle with emotion control.

Some people believe that media is not the main cause of violence while some background problem and social issues are the main reason.While these factors also do play role but media violent is cause main facts on teenager.So this fact is not ignored.

Overall conclusion is that exposure of violence on television and in films influences the behaviour of our younger people.Government should made strict content regulations.Parents should monitor their childrens what they watch.Schools should guide childrens about negetive impacts of violence.These rules reduce the violence.

AI Feedback Report Details

Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis

Spelling Mistakes

12 errors
Misspelled Word Corrected Word
eassy essay
senstivity sensitivity
negetive negative
childrens children
heros heroes
powerfull powerful
entertaning entertaining
aceptable acceptable
slove solve
plateform platform
subvision supervision
sometime sometimes

Grammatical Mistakes

20 errors
Mistake Correction Explanation
exposure of violence exposure to violence Preposition misuse; 'to' is used with 'exposure'
influences on the young people influences young people Unnecessary preposition 'on'
increase violent in the society increases violence in society Subject-verb agreement and article misuse
constant shown of media violent constant exposure to media violence Incorrect verb form and word choice
has bad impact on teenager attitude and behaviour has a negative impact on teenagers' attitudes and behaviour Article missing and plural form
the reason of this impact the reasons for this impact Preposition misuse
give solution provide solutions Article and plural
reason of media violent in teenager reason for media violence among teenagers Preposition misuse and word form
they shown violence violence is shown Passive voice needed
reduce their senstivity reduces their sensitivity Subject-verb agreement
have easily access of have easy access to Adjective vs. adverb and preposition
increase aggressive thoughts increases aggressive thoughts Subject-verb agreement
of teenager which already struggle of teenagers who already struggle Plural and relative pronoun
some background problem some background problems Plural form
are the main reason are the main reasons Plural agreement
While these factors also do play role but While these factors also play a role, Conjunction misuse; 'but' is redundant with 'while'
media violent is cause main facts on teenager media violence is the main cause of effects on teenagers Incorrect phrasing and word choice
Government should made Government should make Modal verb requires base form
monitor their childrens what they watch monitor what their children watch Word order and plural
guide childrens about negetive impacts educate children about negative impacts Word choice and preposition

Vocabulary Improvements

9 suggestions
Original Word/Phrase Improved Word/Phrase Explanation
bad impact negative impact Informal; 'negative' is more academic
slove conflicts resolve conflicts 'Solve' is less common for conflicts; 'resolve' is better collocation
visibility of violence exposure to violence 'Visibility' is vague; 'exposure' is more precise
main facts primary effects 'Facts' is incorrect here; should be effects
cause main facts is the main cause Incorrect phrasing
easily access easy access Incorrect collocation; 'easy' is adjective, 'access' is noun
younger people young people Redundant; 'young people' is sufficient
made regulations implement regulations 'Made' is vague; 'implement' is more precise for regulations
guide childrens educate children 'Guide' is less specific; 'educate' is better for teaching about impacts

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Detailed Criteria Feedback

AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion

Task Response 6
Evaluation
The writer presents a clear position agreeing with the statement and provides reasons and solutions. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the counterargument is briefly mentioned without elaboration.
Examples
For example, the essay states 'Some people believe that media is not the main cause...' but does not expand on this or refute it effectively.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more detailed explanations for each reason, include specific examples, and thoroughly address counterarguments to strengthen the response.
Coherence and Cohesion 5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and lack of linking devices.
Examples
Paragraphs start with 'The first reason...' and 'The second main reason...', but within paragraphs, sentences are not smoothly connected. For instance, 'After that they may believe...' follows without clear linkage.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in addition, consequently) to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
Lexical Resource 5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate, with spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. There is repetition of key terms without variation.
Examples
Incorrect use of 'violent' as a noun instead of 'violence' (e.g., 'media violent'), misspellings like 'senstivity' for 'sensitivity' and 'negetive' for 'negative'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning and using synonyms (e.g., 'aggression' instead of 'violence'), practice correct spelling, and use words in context accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy 5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with errors in verb forms, articles, and punctuation.
Examples
Errors such as 'constant shown of media violent' (should be 'constant showing of media violence'), 'they easily watch content which is unsafe' (awkward phrasing), and missing articles in 'lack of control over media consumption'.
How to Improve
Work on using complex sentences correctly, practice subject-verb agreement, use articles appropriately, and proofread to correct punctuation and tense errors.
πŸ’‘
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.

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