In this Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay about media violence, the main feedback highlights grammar and coherence issues. While the essay addresses the prompt, arguments lack depth and supporting details, making it essential for students to refine their writing skills for better clarity and cohesion.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay directly addresses the prompt, agreeing that media violence influences youth and suggesting steps to reduce it. However, ideas are underdeveloped with unsupported claims (e.g., a 30% crime statistic). Vocabulary is repetitive and inaccurate, grammar errors are frequent, and cohesion is affected by punctuation issues. The word count is approximately 300 words, meeting the minimum requirement.
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Many people believe that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society.I totally agree with this statement and i will be discussing my points and the steps that can be taken to decrease violence.
Firstly, many movies are based on the gang fights, smuggling and serial killing.These types of movies are very popular among teenagers and they tend to follow what is shown on movie.Most of them think it is too cool to be a gang fighter and even some of them want to try how it feels to be superior among all.Because of such mentality they create unnecessary dramas ,fights on the roads and even with their parents.Such kind of movies destroys the positive thinking power of children but fill their mind with negativity and hate.
Secondly, another trendiest thing among young people is watching Crime series like : Crime petrol, do and die, law and crime etc. Last year survey shows that about 30% of the young people committed the crime like: kidnapping, gang rape, murders and so on by the influence of such kind of series.This has create a serious threat in the society and it is surely putting the social norms and values in danger.
Overall, to reduce such kind of violence government should strictly banned such kind of movies or crime series that will raise the level of violence and effect the mentality of youngs. Moreover, we can keep them busy in innovative things like : Robotics training, AI uses and its' future by conducting various kinds of programmes or telecasting it in entertainment way like in the form of cartoon caracters like : AI cartoon videos.
In conclusion, by filtering the violence content and encouraging youth towards innovation we can gradually reduce the level of violence in our society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| i | I |
| petrol | Patrol |
| its' | its |
| caracters | characters |
| youngs | youth |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| on movie | in movies | Preposition error; 'movie' should be plural or replaced with 'television' |
| Such kind of movies destroys | Such movies destroy | Subject-verb agreement; 'movies' is plural, so verb should be 'destroy' |
| has create | has created | Verb tense error; present perfect requires past participle |
| government should strictly banned | government should strictly ban | Modal verb 'should' followed by base verb |
| effect the mentality | affect the mentality | 'Effect' is usually a noun; 'affect' is the verb meaning to influence |
| like : | such as: | Punctuation and usage; colons should not have a space before, and 'such as' is more formal |
| in entertainment way | in an entertaining way | Article missing and adjective form needed |
| by the influence | due to the influence | Preposition error; 'by' is incorrect here |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| too cool | very appealing | Informal language; use more academic terms |
| trendiest thing | popular trend | Informal and vague; 'trend' is more appropriate |
| dramas | conflicts | In this context, 'dramas' might be misinterpreted; 'conflicts' is clearer |
| innovative things | innovative activities | Vague; 'things' is too general |
| telecasting it | broadcasting them | 'Telecasting' is specific; 'broadcasting' is more common, and pronoun should agree with 'programmes' |
| youngs | youth | Non-standard word; use standard terms |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The response is relevant and covers both parts of the question, but arguments lack depth and evidence. The position is clear (agreement), and steps are suggested, but development is basic.
Examples
Claims that movies like gang fights lead teenagers to imitate violence, and crime series cause crimes like kidnapping. Suggests banning violent content and promoting robotics and AI.
How to Improve
Extend ideas with specific, real-world examples or studies. Acknowledge counter-arguments (e.g., other factors causing violence) to show balance. Provide more detailed explanations for proposed steps.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion is weakened by poor punctuation and abrupt transitions.
Examples
Missing spaces after periods ('society.I totally agree'), run-on sentences, and paragraph breaks that are not smoothly linked. Transition words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are used but not followed by more sophisticated connectors.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition'). Ensure correct punctuation and spacing. Improve paragraph transitions by summarizing or linking ideas between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited with repetitive words and several spelling/usage errors, affecting clarity and precision.
Examples
Incorrect words: 'youngs' (youth), 'caracters' (characters), 'petrol' (likely 'patrol'). Repetition of 'such kind of'. Inaccurate collocations like 'destroys the positive thinking power'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms (e.g., 'adolescents' instead of 'young people'). Proofread for spelling errors. Use more precise terms related to media and social issues.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammar is characterized by frequent errors in tense, subject-verb agreement, articles, and sentence structure, which hinder communication.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'movies destroys' (should be 'destroy'). Tense error: 'has create' (should be 'has created'). Article misuse: 'the gang fights' (should be 'gang fights'). Punctuation: missing commas and incorrect colon usage.
How to Improve
Practice forming complex sentences with correct clauses. Focus on verb tenses and agreement. Review article usage (a/an/the). Use grammar check tools to identify common errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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