IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (288 words) and addresses the task by agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting steps to reduce it. However, ideas are underdeveloped, with limited elaboration on examples and solutions. Cohesion is attempted but with weak transitions, vocabulary has frequent spelling errors, and grammar contains noticeable mistakes that occasionally affect clarity.
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In our society today, a large number of teenegers and young adults has been influenced by the violence they see on television and films, In my opinion, it is true and this has increase the level of conflict in our society today. Action should be taken to cub this attitude.
In recent day, the entertainment industry are now producing more movies that indirectly promote violence. Although, their intention is not to motivate this inhumane behavior. Three years ago, an incident happened where a boy accidentally stabbed his own sister. After thorough invetigation, it was ascertained that rhis sister has been bullying her for years and after watching a movie that resonates with his own predicament, he decided to do what the victim did in the film to stop the bullying. He never intended to hurt her, he was only trying to scare her with the knife. Even thouh the girl survived, their relationship never remained the same. Additionally, there is a trend going on social media that everyone should train their mother. Recently, a video of a lady beating an elderly woman for scolding her went viral and it is sad that most people saw it as nothing.
To reduce the percentage of this influence, entertainment industries need to stop doing movies or videos with vague information causing misconception, and leading to violence. Also, governments should create an awareness on conflict management to peace and harmony in the society. Again, parents should also be careful of the kind of movis they allow their children to watch.
In conclusion, the rate of violence is alarming and necessary measures need tobe takien to reduce the influence. Parents, government adn entrtainment industries need too work together to make a positive change.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
10 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| teenegers | teenagers |
| cub | curb |
| invetigation | investigation |
| rhis | his |
| thouh | though |
| movis | movies |
| tobe | to be |
| takien | taken |
| adn | and |
| entrtainment | entertainment |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a large number of teenegers and young adults has been influenced | a large number of teenagers and young adults have been influenced | Subject-verb agreement: 'a large number of' requires a plural verb |
| this has increase | this has increased | Verb tense: 'has' must be followed by the past participle |
| In recent day | In recent days | Article and plural: 'day' should be plural or use 'recently' |
| the entertainment industry are now producing | the entertainment industry is now producing | Subject-verb agreement: 'industry' is singular, so verb should be 'is' |
| Although, their intention is not to motivate this inhumane behavior. | However, their intention is not to motivate this inhumane behavior. | 'Although' is a subordinating conjunction; use 'However' to start a contrasting sentence |
| that rhis sister has been bullying her | that his sister had been bullying him | Pronoun agreement and tense: context suggests the boy was bullied by his sister, so 'him' and past perfect for action before another past action |
| He never intended to hurt her, he was only trying to scare her with the knife. | He never intended to hurt her; he was only trying to scare her with the knife. | Run-on sentence: two independent clauses should be separated by a semicolon or conjunction |
| governments should create an awareness on conflict management to peace and harmony in the society. | governments should raise awareness about conflict management for peace and harmony in society. | Preposition use: 'awareness about' not 'on'; 'for peace and harmony' indicates purpose; article: 'in society' without 'the' |
| necessary measures need tobe takien | necessary measures need to be taken | Verb form: 'to be taken' is the correct passive infinitive |
| Parents, government adn entrtainment industries need too work together | Parents, governments, and entertainment industries need to work together | Subject-verb agreement: 'government' should be plural or 'the government'; 'and' spelling; 'to work' not 'too work' |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| cub this attitude | curb this trend | 'Attitude' is less accurate; 'trend' better describes the influence of violence |
| In recent day | Recently | More concise and formal temporal phrase |
| doing movies | producing movies | 'Doing' is too informal; 'producing' is more appropriate |
| vague information causing misconception | vague information that causes misconceptions | 'Misconception' should be plural; better collocation |
| create an awareness | raise awareness | 'Raise awareness' is the standard collocation |
| on conflict management to peace and harmony | about conflict management for peace and harmony | 'Awareness about' is better than 'on'; 'for' indicates purpose |
| in the society | in society | In academic writing, 'society' is often used without the definite article |
| Again, | Furthermore, | 'Again' is informal and repetitive; 'Furthermore' is a more formal transition |
| the rate of violence | the prevalence of violence | 'Rate' can be vague; 'prevalence' is more precise for how common something is |
| make a positive change | effect positive change | 'Effect change' is more formal and precise than 'make a change' |
| train their mother | discipline their parents | 'Train' is incorrect here; likely means 'discipline' in the context of social media trends |
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