Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Media Violence Essay: Ideas and Coherence Issues
Sample Answer with Feedback

πŸ“… Published Apr 2026 ⏱️ 40 minutes recommended πŸ“ 288 words Β· Band 5.5
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In this Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay on media violence, the writer presents some relevant arguments but lacks depth in both ideas and coherence. With examples such as a violent incident linked to films, this essay demonstrates a need for more elaborated solutions and better connections between ideas to enhance clarity.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Question

Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min

Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?



5.5 Band

Overall Band Score

288 words · Two-part Question Β· AI Evaluated

6
Task Response
5.5
Coherence
5.5
Lexical Resource
5.5
Grammar

Score Breakdown

IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)

Task Response
6
Coherence and Cohesion
5.5
Lexical Resource
5.5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
5.5

Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (288 words) and addresses the task by agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting steps to reduce it. However, ideas are underdeveloped, with limited elaboration on examples and solutions. Cohesion is attempted but with weak transitions, vocabulary has frequent spelling errors, and grammar contains noticeable mistakes that occasionally affect clarity.

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Student Answer
Real submission β€’ 288 words β€’ Annotated
288 words Band 5.5 WritingPart2
● Spelling ● Grammar ● Vocabulary

In our society today, a large number of teenegers and young adults has been influenced by the violence they see on television and films, In my opinion, it is true and this has increase the level of conflict in our society today. Action should be taken to cub this attitude.

In recent day, the entertainment industry are now producing more movies that indirectly promote violence. Although, their intention is not to motivate this inhumane behavior. Three years ago, an incident happened where a boy accidentally stabbed his own sister. After thorough invetigation, it was ascertained that rhis sister has been bullying her for years and after watching a movie that resonates with his own predicament, he decided to do what the victim did in the film to stop the bullying. He never intended to hurt her, he was only trying to scare her with the knife. Even thouh the girl survived, their relationship never remained the same. Additionally, there is a trend going on social media that everyone should train their mother. Recently, a video of a lady beating an elderly woman for scolding her went viral and it is sad that most people saw it as nothing.

To reduce the percentage of this influence, entertainment industries need to stop doing movies or videos with vague information causing misconception, and leading to violence. Also, governments should create an awareness on conflict management to peace and harmony in the society. Again, parents should also be careful of the kind of movis they allow their children to watch.

In conclusion, the rate of violence is alarming and necessary measures need tobe takien to reduce the influence. Parents, government adn entrtainment industries need too work together to make a positive change.

AI Feedback Report Details

Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis

Spelling Mistakes

10 errors
Misspelled Word Corrected Word
teenegers teenagers
cub curb
invetigation investigation
rhis his
thouh though
movis movies
tobe to be
takien taken
adn and
entrtainment entertainment

Grammatical Mistakes

10 errors
Mistake Correction Explanation
a large number of teenegers and young adults has been influenced a large number of teenagers and young adults have been influenced Subject-verb agreement: 'a large number of' requires a plural verb
this has increase this has increased Verb tense: 'has' must be followed by the past participle
In recent day In recent days Article and plural: 'day' should be plural or use 'recently'
the entertainment industry are now producing the entertainment industry is now producing Subject-verb agreement: 'industry' is singular, so verb should be 'is'
Although, their intention is not to motivate this inhumane behavior. However, their intention is not to motivate this inhumane behavior. 'Although' is a subordinating conjunction; use 'However' to start a contrasting sentence
that rhis sister has been bullying her that his sister had been bullying him Pronoun agreement and tense: context suggests the boy was bullied by his sister, so 'him' and past perfect for action before another past action
He never intended to hurt her, he was only trying to scare her with the knife. He never intended to hurt her; he was only trying to scare her with the knife. Run-on sentence: two independent clauses should be separated by a semicolon or conjunction
governments should create an awareness on conflict management to peace and harmony in the society. governments should raise awareness about conflict management for peace and harmony in society. Preposition use: 'awareness about' not 'on'; 'for peace and harmony' indicates purpose; article: 'in society' without 'the'
necessary measures need tobe takien necessary measures need to be taken Verb form: 'to be taken' is the correct passive infinitive
Parents, government adn entrtainment industries need too work together Parents, governments, and entertainment industries need to work together Subject-verb agreement: 'government' should be plural or 'the government'; 'and' spelling; 'to work' not 'too work'

Vocabulary Improvements

11 suggestions
Original Word/Phrase Improved Word/Phrase Explanation
cub this attitude curb this trend 'Attitude' is less accurate; 'trend' better describes the influence of violence
In recent day Recently More concise and formal temporal phrase
doing movies producing movies 'Doing' is too informal; 'producing' is more appropriate
vague information causing misconception vague information that causes misconceptions 'Misconception' should be plural; better collocation
create an awareness raise awareness 'Raise awareness' is the standard collocation
on conflict management to peace and harmony about conflict management for peace and harmony 'Awareness about' is better than 'on'; 'for' indicates purpose
in the society in society In academic writing, 'society' is often used without the definite article
Again, Furthermore, 'Again' is informal and repetitive; 'Furthermore' is a more formal transition
the rate of violence the prevalence of violence 'Rate' can be vague; 'prevalence' is more precise for how common something is
make a positive change effect positive change 'Effect change' is more formal and precise than 'make a change'
train their mother discipline their parents 'Train' is incorrect here; likely means 'discipline' in the context of social media trends

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Detailed Criteria Feedback

AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion

Task Response 6
Evaluation
The writer presents a clear position agreeing with the statement and provides relevant examples, such as the incident of a boy stabbing his sister after watching a film and a social media trend promoting violence. However, the development of ideas is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth; steps to reduce violence are listed but not explained in detail.
Examples
The example of the boy and his sister is given, but the connection to media influence is not fully explored. The suggested steps (e.g., entertainment industries stopping vague content, government awareness campaigns, parental monitoring) are mentioned without elaboration on how they would work.
How to Improve
Extend ideas by discussing mechanisms of media influence (e.g., desensitization, imitation) and provide more concrete steps with reasoning. For instance, explain how government campaigns could be implemented or what specific content guidelines entertainment industries should follow.
Coherence and Cohesion 5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but paragraphing is weak. Ideas within paragraphs are not smoothly connected, and some sentences are incoherent or fragmented, reducing overall flow.
Examples
The body paragraph jumps from the film incident to a social media trend without a clear transition. The sentence 'Although, their intention is not to motivate this inhumane behavior.' is a fragment that disrupts coherence.
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea and employ linking words (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'in addition') to connect points. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one central theme, such as separating examples from solutions.
Lexical Resource 5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but limited in range, with several spelling errors and imprecise word choices that occasionally obscure meaning.
Examples
Misspellings: 'teenegers' (teenagers), 'cub' (curb), 'invetigation' (investigation), 'thouh' (though), 'adn' (and). Awkward phrasing: 'train their mother' (likely a typo for 'train their manner' or similar).
How to Improve
Work on spelling accuracy through proofreading and use a wider range of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'aggression,' 'desensitization,' 'regulations'). Avoid informal terms like 'sad' in academic writing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy 5.5
Evaluation
Grammar demonstrates a mix of simple and some complex structures, but errors in subject-verb agreement, tense, and sentence construction are frequent, affecting clarity at times.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'a large number... has been influenced' should be 'have been influenced.' Tense error: 'this has increase' should be 'increased.' Sentence fragment: 'Although, their intention...' should be integrated into a complete sentence.
How to Improve
Practice using complex sentences with correct conjunctions. Focus on verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Review sentence structure to avoid fragments and run-on sentences.
πŸ’‘
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.

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