Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2: Youth Violence Influence Essay Feedback on Clarity
Sample Answer with Feedback

At present, most of the young generation are fond of watching movies and other broadacasted series on television which has huge impacts on them. I do agree that such activities has influenced the behavioual change among the youths. The violence shown on movies are affecting the youngesters.
The advanement of technology has adeversly affected the youth. Differernt sorts of violence movies have disturbed their study too. Most of them carricatures the fictional charcters and adopt in thier daily life. Many college going students are influenced by the ghost charcters. The recent college survyed done by one of our proffessor showed that young generations were most likely to follow negative charcater of movies and as as result they are moving in wrong direction. The failure in exam and couldnot complete their assignments were some of them. Likewise, the domestic violence shown in movies, has such impacts that they tries same thing in the family. Children are becoming so stubborn to follow the same character with same dress worn. One of the most shocking problems increased in our society is kidnapping. Last week, one of the reputed business man's son was kidnapped by the gangesters. Later on, after the 1 month inquiry, we came to know those kidnapper were of 20s age. They were influned by the activity from the movies as there was shown this work as part of earning.
Thus, because of negative influence our society is facing such kinda problems. It is utmost to solve such problems. The concerned bodies must take concern regarding these activity. The movies with negative charcaters must be categorized in terms of age group. Youth should be make invloved in social work apart from their academic.

     Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

      To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

      Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

      In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.