This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the influence of violence in media on young people's behavior. However, it faces coherence issues and limited vocabulary range, which impact its overall effectiveness. Understanding these aspects can help you enhance your writing skills for better results.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic and provides a response that agrees to some extent with the statement, identifying multiple causes of violence. However, it lacks depth in argument development and offers a somewhat limited range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. The word count meets the requirement, with 325 words, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion that affect the overall readability.
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It is said that alot of people agree to the fact that the violence seen on the television and in the movies affects the behaviour of the young people and has greatly affected and incresed the level of violence in the society. I agree to some extent but that's not the only cause of violence in our society.
One reason why i agree with the point is that the youth are prone to be influenced in such a way that they practice and emmulate everything they see around them on the television and on social space. For example they watch a movie where the male lead assaults the female lead almost through out the movie they will automatically think its fun and cool to assault a female as far as she is with them. And also the female also are influenced from thus also.
However, media is not the only factor to violence in the society. The family and environment are also one of the factors that influence the young people. when a child grows up in a family where the father and mother are agressive in nature it reflect on the child growing up, the child will thing its natural to be very aggressive to people.
To prevent or reduce the level of violence in the society the Government needs to regulate the social media space by letting the owners of application to verify the age of users before allowing access. And also parent needs to be careful and watchful of how they act in front of thier children at home and always communicate with children and advice them about how to live life to without violence or crime.
In conclusion, i agree with the view that the violence young people sees on the television and movies influence thier behaviour and it raises the level of violence in our society. But not just the social influence the society and family also affect there upbringing.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
10 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| alot | a lot |
| behaviour | behavior |
| incresed | increased |
| emmulate | emulate |
| thus | this |
| agressive | aggressive |
| thier | their |
| sees | see |
| thier | their |
| there | their |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| agree to the fact that | agree with the fact that | Incorrect preposition: 'agree' should be followed by 'with' when referring to the fact. |
| think its fun | think it's fun | Missing apostrophe: 'it's' is a contraction of 'it is'. |
| one of the factors that influence | one of the factors that influences | Subject-verb agreement: 'one of the factors' is singular, so the verb should be singular. |
| it reflect on the child | it reflects on the child | Subject-verb agreement: 'it' is singular, so the verb should be singular. |
| child will thing its natural | child will think it's natural | Spelling error and missing apostrophe: 'thing' should be 'think' and 'it's' is a contraction of 'it is'. |
| application to verify | applications to verify | Agreement: 'applications' should be plural to match 'owners'. |
| parent needs | parents need | Subject-verb agreement: 'parents' is plural, so the verb should be 'need'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| fun and cool | acceptable | Informal and vague; 'acceptable' is more precise and academic. |
| social space | social media | Incorrect phrase; 'social media' is the more accurate term. |
| thus also | this as well | Incorrect usage; 'this as well' is more accurate. |
| influence the young people | influence young people | Redundant 'the'; removing it makes the language clearer. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents a position on the statement and discusses some alternative causes for violence, such as family and environmental influences.
Examples
The writer discusses the influence of movies and social media and the role of the family environment.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed arguments and examples to support each point raised. Expand on the steps to reduce violence with more specific details or examples.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but lacks clear progression of ideas. Some sentences and paragraphs could be better linked.
Examples
Transitions between points like 'However, media is not the only...' could be smoother.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and ensure a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The lexical resource is adequate but repetitive, with some inappropriate or incorrect word choices.
Examples
Words like 'emmulate' (correct spelling: 'emulate') and phrases such as 'automatically think its fun'.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and practice using more precise language. Double-check word meanings and spellings.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay shows limited variety in grammatical structures and includes noticeable errors that affect understanding.
Examples
Errors include 'alot of people agree to the fact' and 'the child will thing its natural'.
How to Improve
Practice constructing more complex sentences and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and spelling. Consider proofreading to catch errors before submitting.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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