This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the influence of violence in media on youth behavior. Despite addressing the question, it suffers from grammatical errors and a lack of coherent structure, hindering clarity. Learn how to improve your writing by focusing on grammar and organization.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (262 words) and directly addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement and proposing steps to reduce violence. However, it is limited by frequent lexical and grammatical errors, which reduce clarity and coherence. The ideas are presented but lack depth and sophisticated development.
Now write your own — and see how your verdict holds up.
Submit your Violence essay and receive AI scores across Task Response, Coherence, Lexical Resource, and Grammar — plus a Band 9 model answer for your exact question.
Obviously, we all observe that the quantity of violence has increased in our society. This is because of a lot of reasons, but I totally agree that the main reason is the increasing quantity of violence seen on television and in movies. It is well known that stars in all fields especially in the field os films and sports are the role models for our youth these days therefore their influence is very obvious and clear. Youth try to imitate their role models and they sometimes think that being violent and agressive towards others is the best wasy to seem a chero and a strong person. A lot of movies ignore the role of laws and governments and try to restore and regain their rights by force. This trend is spreading in all the world so it is a real phenomenon and we should work hand in hand to face it before ruining our societies. Morals depend on respect and are built on following laws. In my point of view, this dangerous phenomenon should be restricted firlmy. I have some steps we can follow to stop this violence. Firstly, we should increase the public awareness of its bad destructive influences by all means whether seen or heard and at schools. Secondly, we should set some measures to review these violent movies and stop and ban any harmful ones. Thirdly, we should fine people who make these movies. There should be an important role for teachers, parents and priests. All the society should co-operate to face this destructive phenomenon as soon as possible.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| os | of |
| agressive | aggressive |
| wasy | way |
| chero | hero |
| firlmy | firmly |
Grammatical Mistakes
3 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| in all the world | throughout the world | Incorrect prepositional phrase; 'throughout the world' is the standard expression. |
| by all means whether seen or heard and at schools | through all media, whether visual or auditory, and in schools | Unclear and grammatically incomplete; improved for clarity and completeness. |
| All the society | The whole society | Article misuse; 'all the society' is incorrect; use 'the whole society' or 'all of society'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| quantity of violence | level of violence | 'Quantity' is less appropriate for abstract concepts; 'level' is more precise and academic. |
| a lot of reasons | many reasons | Too informal; 'many' is more suitable for academic writing. |
| totally agree | completely agree | 'Totally' is informal; 'completely' is preferred in formal contexts. |
| very obvious and clear | very clear | Redundant; 'clear' alone is sufficient, and 'very' can be omitted for conciseness. |
| bad destructive influences | destructive influences | Redundant; 'destructive' implies harm, so 'bad' is unnecessary. |
| set some measures | implement measures | Better collocation; 'implement' is more appropriate for measures in formal writing. |
| fine people | impose fines on people | More precise academic term; 'fine' as a verb is informal here. |
| important role | crucial role | Stronger and more academic vocabulary; 'crucial' emphasizes necessity. |
Ready to practise? Get instant AI feedback on your verdict.
Submit your Violence essay and receive AI scores across all four IELTS criteria — with specific feedback on whether your solutions are specific, realistic, and matched to your problems.
Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The response is relevant and takes a clear position, agreeing with the statement. It identifies reasons (e.g., role models, imitation) and suggests steps (e.g., awareness, banning movies). However, the development is somewhat repetitive and lacks extended analysis or specific examples.
Examples
The essay states that 'youth try to imitate their role models' but does not provide concrete examples from media or real life. The steps are listed but not elaborated in detail.
How to Improve
Extend ideas by providing specific examples or evidence to support claims. Explain how media violence directly leads to societal violence, and elaborate on the effectiveness of proposed steps.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but it is presented as a single paragraph, hindering readability. Cohesive devices like 'Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly' are used, but transitions between sentences are sometimes abrupt, and some ideas are not logically connected.
Examples
The shift from discussing reasons to steps is marked by 'I have some steps we can follow', but the flow is disrupted by errors like 'This trend is spreading in all the world so it is a real phenomenon' which is awkwardly phrased.
How to Improve
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, reasons, steps, and conclusion. Improve linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition') to enhance flow between ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main point.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited with several spelling errors, which occasionally obscure meaning. There is an attempt to use varied words (e.g., 'destructive phenomenon', 'public awareness'), but inaccuracies reduce the lexical range.
Examples
Misspellings: 'firlmy' for 'firmly', 'chero' for 'hero', 'wasy' for 'way', 'os' for 'of'. Redundant phrases like 'obvious and clear'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms and practicing correct spelling. Use a dictionary or spell-check tools. Avoid repetition by using more precise terms (e.g., 'detrimental' instead of 'bad destructive').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammar errors are frequent, and sentence structures are predominantly simple with attempts at complexity that are often inaccurate. Errors in articles, prepositions, and verb forms affect clarity.
Examples
Incorrect: 'the field os films' (should be 'of films'), 'best wasy to seem a chero' (should be 'way to seem like a hero'), 'should be restricted firlmy' (should be 'restricted firmly'). Awkward construction: 'Morals depend on respect and are built on following laws.'
How to Improve
Practice forming complex sentences with correct grammar. Focus on subject-verb agreement, articles (a/an/the), and prepositions. Review common errors and consider proofreading to catch mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
RELATED ESSAYS
01
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence? Write at least 250 words.
Many people believe that the amount of violence seen on TV and in films can influence the behaviour of the youngest, and therefore raise the violence levels in ...
02
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence? Write at least 250 words.
Many people believe that the amount of violence shown on television and in movies influences the behaviour of young people and increases violence in society. I ...
03
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence? Write at least 250 words.
Movies and television shows have become the standard of modern entertainment in recent times, and is slowly becoming the pinacle of entertainment popular amonst...
04
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence? Write at least 250 words.
With the development of technology, young people are able to be exposed to violence from a wide range of devices such as televisions,computers and smartphones. ...
05
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence? Write at least 250 words.
I partly agree that violent content on television and movies can influences the behavior of young people. The reason is because if there's no limits from their ...