This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the influence of violence in media on youth behavior. Despite addressing the prompt, coherence issues and grammatical errors hinder clarity. By evaluating these main feedback points, students can improve their writing skills for better IELTS results.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word requirement and addresses the given prompt by discussing the impact of violent media on youth behavior and suggesting solutions. However, it struggles with coherence, cohesion, and grammatical accuracy, which affects the overall clarity and development of the arguments. Lexical choice is occasionally incorrect or awkward.
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Many people think that the quantity of violence seen on TV and in movies can affect the behaviour of young ones which raises the level of violence in our society . I strongly agree with this statement, Young people has the adverse ability to catch the environment behaviour quickly. There are many televison shows according to genres. People watches them according to thier interest. But the elders does not care what the young ones are watching, they watch the movie as family time.
People has started normalizing young ones to watch those kind of movies. We can still see the presence of children with their family watching violence movies in the threatre. For instance , there is a movie called Dhoryandar, this is a thriller and violent movie. The main character of this movie is seen to be violent and aggressive. This character is also shown as the most energetic, coolest and attractive in the movie. We adults just get entertained by the movie or show where a young peoples can feel this character the coolest and they can be inspired by them. This character can be their idol in their future. They can intend to copy the behaviour of the movie character. They may start acting like that little by little where parents cannot even find a clue of this change. Therefore these actions raises the level of violence in the society.
In concluison, I don't want flim industry to stop making these kind of movies but they should aware people about the consequences and emotional harm of young ones in the public so that adult are only able to watch the movie. Moreover, the violent and arrogant people should always made villan and include the karma of their doings so that people can aslo get some lessons from the movie.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| behaviour | behavior |
| adverse | advanced |
| televison | television |
| watches | watch |
| thier | their |
| threatre | theater |
| Dhoryandar | Dhoom |
| concluison | conclusion |
| flim | film |
| villan | villain |
| aslo | also |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Young people has | Young people have | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'have' |
| elders does not care | elders do not care | Subject-verb agreement: 'elders' is plural, so it requires 'do' |
| People has started | People have started | Subject-verb agreement: 'People' is plural and requires 'have' |
| young peoples can | young people can | Plural form: 'people' is already plural, 'peoples' is incorrect |
| actions raises | actions raise | Subject-verb agreement: 'actions' is plural and requires 'raise' |
| adult are | adults are | Plural form: 'adult' should be 'adults' |
| people should always made | people should always be made | Passive voice construction requires 'be' with past participle |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| coolest | admirable | Too informal: 'admirable' is a more formal and appropriate term |
| idol | role model | More precise: 'role model' is more commonly used in an academic or formal context |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses both tasks of the prompt: agreeing with the statement about media influence and suggesting solutions to reduce violence.
Examples
The writer agrees with the statement and suggests raising awareness of the consequences of violent media.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed analysis and examples of how violence in media affects youth and society. Expand on possible steps to lessen violence clearly and specifically.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay occasionally lacks logical flow and clear linkage between sentences and ideas.
Examples
The presence of vague connections between thoughts, such as ‘We can still see...’ leading to a new idea without smooth transition.
How to Improve
Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use cohesive devices like linking words to help guide the reader through the argument.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary but with some awkward use and repetition.
Examples
Use of terms like 'flim' and phrases such as ‘people watches’, ‘young peoples’, and 'aslo' show errors in word forms.
How to Improve
Vary sentence structures and increase vocabulary range. Be cautious with word choice and ensure it fits the context, editing for accuracy.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors that affect meaning and readability.
Examples
Errors include subject-verb agreement ('People watches', 'Young people has'), incorrect prepositions ('in the threatre'), and article use ('a movie called Dhoryandar').
How to Improve
Focus on basic grammatical structures ensuring subjects and verbs agree, and articles are used correctly. Practice proof-reading to identify common errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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