Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay on Violence in Media: Coherence and Grammar Issues
Sample Answer with Feedback

Many people think that the quantity of violence seen on TV and in movies can affect the behaviour of young ones which raises the level of violence in our society . I strongly agree with this statement, Young people has the adverse ability to catch the environment behaviour quickly. There are many televison shows according to genres. People watches them according to thier interest. But the elders does not care what the young ones are watching, they watch the movie as family time.

People has started normalizing young ones to watch those kind of movies. We can still see the presence of children with their family watching violence movies in the threatre. For instance , there is a movie called Dhoryandar, this is a thriller and violent movie. The main character of this movie is seen to be violent and aggressive. This character is also shown as the most energetic, coolest and attractive in the movie. We adults just get entertained by the movie or show where a young peoples can feel this character the coolest and they can be inspired by them. This character can be their idol in their future. They can intend to copy the behaviour of the movie character. They may start acting like that little by little where parents cannot even find a clue of this change. Therefore these actions raises the level of violence in the society.

In concluison, I don't want flim industry to stop making these kind of movies but they should aware people about the consequences and emotional harm of young ones in the public so that adult are only able to watch the movie. Moreover, the violent and arrogant people should always made villan and include the karma of their doings so that people can aslo get some lessons from the movie.

     Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

      To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

      Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

      In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.