This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay tackles the influence of violence in media. While it addresses the prompt, it lacks clarity and specific examples, impacting the overall argument and development. Learn how to improve your writing with insights into common pitfalls.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, presenting a clear agreement and suggesting steps to reduce violence. However, ideas are underdeveloped with vague examples, and frequent lexical and grammatical errors affect clarity. The word count is approximately 250 words, meeting the minimum requirement.
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Some people argues that the graphically explicit content in different medias influence younger people to behave violently and it is increasing the violence behavior in the society. I completely agree with the fact that the violent contents creates a deep harmful problemtic behavior in younger generation and it needs desperate control to reduce violence.
The media is the great source of entertainment and quite influencial for younger people. Since the younger people lives in their learning phase, any content that do not pose infront of them negatively, is greatly influce them. So movies and contents with violence, is a very influential for them. For example, research shows that the younger people tend to get into violence to look favorable in their group because his favorite movie protagonist get into violence.
Another concern is, the young people can get into serious mental trouble which will have a bad impact on their lives. The violent contents just not impact their physically, but mentally they got disturbed. At one point of life they have to deal with depression, anger issues and violent nature. According to the counselors, the person who has been raised between this contents, show lack of self control, anger management and respect to others.
In conclusion, there are numerous negative aspect of the given fact. So to limit our younger generation to consume this contents, the primary measures must be taken by the parents. Parents should be careful about their children what content they are consuming. However, the movie production house should strictly follow the parental guides and age restriction certifications. If a content is for all the age group, they should sensor the explicit contents. These steps should be beneficial for lessen the violence from society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| medias | media |
| problemtic | problematic |
| influencial | influential |
| influce | influence |
| sensor | censor |
Grammatical Mistakes
13 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Some people argues | Some people argue | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'argue'. |
| the violent contents creates | the violent content creates | 'Content' is uncountable and singular; 'creates' agrees with singular subject. |
| the younger people lives | younger people live | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural, requiring 'live'. |
| any content that do not pose | any content that does not pose | 'Content' is singular, so 'does' is required. |
| is greatly influce them | greatly influences them | Incorrect verb form and sentence structure; 'influences' is the singular verb form. |
| movies and contents with violence, is a very influential | movies and content with violence are very influential | Subject-verb agreement: plural subject requires 'are'; 'content' is uncountable, so no 'a' before adjective. |
| because his favorite movie protagonist get into violence | because their favorite movie protagonist gets into violence | 'His' should be 'their' for plural 'younger people'; 'protagonist' is singular, so 'gets'. |
| The violent contents just not impact their physically | Violent content does not just impact them physically | 'Content' is uncountable; 'their' should be 'them' as object pronoun; correct negation with 'does not'. |
| but mentally they got disturbed | but mentally they become disturbed | 'Got' is informal; 'become' is more appropriate for formal writing. |
| the person who has been raised between this contents, show lack | people who have been raised with such content show a lack | Inconsistent number; 'person' should be 'people' to match context; 'between' should be 'with'; 'this contents' should be 'such content'; 'show' agrees with plural 'people'. |
| there are numerous negative aspect | there are numerous negative aspects | 'Aspect' should be plural to agree with 'numerous'. |
| to limit our younger generation to consume this contents | to limit our younger generation from consuming this content | 'To consume' should be 'from consuming' for correct preposition; 'this contents' should be 'this content'. |
| for lessen the violence | to lessen the violence | 'For lessen' is incorrect; 'to lessen' is the correct infinitive form. |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| violence behavior | violent behavior | Wrong collocation; 'violent' is the adjective form describing behavior. |
| desperate control | strict control or urgent measures | 'Desperate' is misused; 'strict' or 'urgent' is more appropriate for control measures. |
| pose infront of them negatively | presented to them negatively or exposed to negative content | 'Pose' is incorrect here; 'presented' or 'exposed' is better for content exposure. |
| get into violence | engage in violence or become violent | Informal phrase; 'engage in violence' is more academic. |
| look favorable | appear favorable or be perceived favorably | 'Look' is informal; 'appear' or 'be perceived' is more formal. |
| mental trouble | mental health issues or psychological problems | Vague term; 'mental health issues' is more precise. |
| bad impact | negative impact | Vague; 'negative' is more specific and academic. |
| violent nature | violent tendencies | Vague; 'tendencies' is more precise for behavioral traits. |
| parental guides | parental guidelines | Informal; 'guidelines' is the standard term for advisory rules. |
| age restriction certifications | age restriction ratings | 'Certifications' might be incorrect; 'ratings' is commonly used for media age classifications. |
| sensor the explicit contents | censor the explicit content | Wrong word; 'censor' means to suppress content, while 'sensor' is a device. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay clearly states a position (complete agreement) and addresses both the extent of agreement and steps to lessen violence. However, arguments are not fully extended; examples are vague and lack specific detail, reducing the depth of analysis.
Examples
The reference to 'research shows' is unsupported, and the example about movie protagonists is generic. Suggestions for steps are basic (parental monitoring and age restrictions) without elaboration on implementation or effectiveness.
How to Improve
Develop ideas with concrete evidence, such as citing specific studies or statistics. Elaborate on proposed steps by explaining how they can be enforced and their potential impact on reducing violence.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion is weakened by grammatical errors and awkward sentence construction, which disrupt the flow of ideas.
Examples
In the second paragraph, the sentence 'Since the younger people lives... is greatly influce them' is confusing and hampers connectivity. Paragraph topics are clear but internal coherence is affected by errors.
How to Improve
Use linking words more consistently (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'therefore') to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences within paragraphs logically follow from one another. Revise for clarity.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but errors in spelling, word choice, and word form are frequent, sometimes obscuring meaning.
Examples
Misspellings: 'influencial' for 'influential,' 'problemtic' for 'problematic.' Incorrect word forms: 'medias' (should be 'media'), 'sensor' (should be 'censor'). Repetition of 'younger people' without variation.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms (e.g., 'adolescents' for 'younger people'). Practice correct spelling and usage through reading and writing exercises. Use a dictionary to verify word choices.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay attempts complex sentences, but grammatical errors are frequent, including issues with subject-verb agreement, articles, tense, and sentence structure. These errors often hinder communication.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'people argues' (should be 'argue'), 'contents creates' (should be 'content creates'). Article misuse: 'the great source' (should be 'a great source'). Awkward construction: 'any content that do not pose infront of them negatively.'
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with correct punctuation. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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