This band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior while suggesting measures to reduce violence. Clarity issues and underdeveloped arguments impact the overall quality, making improvements necessary for a higher score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses both parts of the task by agreeing that media violence influences youth and suggesting steps to reduce violence. However, arguments are underdeveloped, and frequent language errors reduce clarity. The word count is sufficient (approximately 290 words). Overall, it corresponds to Band 5.5.
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Lots of individual believe that the amount of societal unrest notice on television and in films affects the attitude of our teenagers and, as a result, increases the level of violence in our neighbourhood. This essay will expatiate why I strongly believe this view and will further outline approaches that ought to be taken in recent times to mitigate this issue.
On the one hand, I strongly believe that rise in action movies this day has a negative impacts on our youths. Firstly, Societal unrest has become the norm in our community. This is because, action movies has taken a toll on our teenagers where the try to exhibit behaviours seen from movies thus reflecting in their everyday practice. Secondly, Youthful exuberance is on the increase. Crimes such as armed robbery, murder, rape all emanate due to the movies our youngsters are being exposed to at a young age thereby clouding their sense of reasoning.
On the other hand, the rate of violence could be curtail by imbibing some appproach. Firstly, government should outline stricter rules regulating movies production. This is because, when the Authorities are involved, policy towards producing violence movie could help decrease this surge in social vices. Secondly, access to certain movies should be limited. reason being that options like parental control and copyright claim could help limi access to movies for teenagers thus denying people under 18 permission to watch those movies.
In Conclusion, I strongly belive that youthful exuberance is stirred up by the surge in action movies therefore stricter rules by the government enforcing regulations and denying access to individuals under 18 can aid mitigate its effect in our society thus enhancing a peaceful and harmonious environment when these steps could be imbibe on.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
3 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| appproach | approach |
| limi | limit |
| belive | believe |
Grammatical Mistakes
13 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Lots of individual believe | Many individuals believe | Subject-verb agreement: 'individual' should be plural 'individuals' to agree with 'Lots of'. |
| societal unrest notice on television | societal unrest shown on television | Verb form error: 'notice' should be past participle 'noticed' or 'shown' to modify 'unrest'. |
| rise in action movies this day has a negative impacts | the rise in action movies these days has a negative impact | Article missing before 'rise', 'this day' should be 'these days', and 'impacts' should be singular 'impact'. |
| action movies has taken a toll | action movies have taken a toll | Subject-verb agreement: 'movies' is plural, so 'have' is needed. |
| where the try to exhibit | where they try to exhibit | Typo: 'the' should be 'they'. |
| the rate of violence could be curtail by | the rate of violence could be curtailed by | Passive voice requires past participle 'curtailed'. |
| government should outline | the government should outline | Article 'the' is missing before 'government'. |
| regulating movies production | regulating movie production | 'movies' should be 'movie' as an adjective modifying 'production'. |
| when the Authorities are involved | when the authorities are involved | Unnecessary capitalization; 'authorities' should be in lowercase unless part of a proper noun. |
| policy towards producing violence movie | policies towards producing violent movies | 'policy' should be plural 'policies', and 'violence movie' should be 'violent movies' for correct adjective and plural. |
| reason being that | The reason is that | Incomplete sentence; should be a complete clause starting with capital letter. |
| can aid mitigate its effect | can help mitigate its effects | 'aid' is followed by a noun, so use 'help' with verb 'mitigate'. Also, 'effect' should be plural 'effects'. |
| when these steps could be imbibe on. | if these steps are implemented. | 'imbibe' is incorrect; should be 'implemented', and the structure should be passive. |
Vocabulary Improvements
12 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Lots of | Many | Too informal for academic writing; use more formal quantifier. |
| expatiate | explain | Overly formal and potentially misused; 'explain' is clearer and more appropriate. |
| this day | these days | Vague time reference; 'these days' is more precise for current times. |
| youths | teenagers | 'youths' can be ambiguous; 'teenagers' specifies the age group more clearly. |
| taken a toll on | negatively affected | Idiomatic expression; use more formal phrase for academic tone. |
| everyday practice | daily behavior | 'Practice' is vague; 'behavior' is more specific in this context. |
| emanate due to | stem from | Awkward collocation; 'stem from' is smoother and more academic. |
| imbibing some approach | adopting some approaches | 'Imbibing' is incorrect for this context; 'adopting' is the right word for implementing measures. |
| outline stricter rules | establish stricter rules | 'Outline' means to describe; 'establish' means to set up or create, which is intended here. |
| copyright claim | age restrictions | 'Copyright claim' is unrelated; likely meant 'age restrictions' for limiting access to movies. |
| aid mitigate | help mitigate | 'Aid' requires a noun object; 'help' can be used with an infinitive verb. |
| imbibe on | implemented | 'Imbibe' is not appropriate; 'implemented' means to put into effect. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to all parts of the question, presenting a clear position and outlining steps. However, ideas are not fully extended, and arguments lack specific examples or detailed explanation.
Examples
The writer states that action movies lead to societal unrest and crimes like armed robbery, but does not elaborate with evidence. Solutions such as stricter rules and limited access are mentioned without concrete details.
How to Improve
Develop each paragraph with specific examples, data, or real-world cases to support claims. Explain how media violence directly affects behavior and how proposed steps would be implemented effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesive devices are sometimes misused, and logical flow is hindered by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Examples
Using 'On the one hand' for the problem and 'On the other hand' for solutions is unconventional. Sentences like 'where the try to exhibit behaviours' disrupt coherence due to errors.
How to Improve
Use appropriate linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In addition') for presenting solutions. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress logically. Proofread to correct errors that affect flow.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate, with errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.
Examples
Incorrect: 'societal unrest notice' (should be 'violence shown'), 'appproach' (approach), 'limi' (limit), 'imbibe' (likely intended as 'adopt' or 'implement'). 'Expatiate' is used correctly but is rare.
How to Improve
Expand topic-related vocabulary (e.g., 'media influence,' 'aggression,' 'regulation'). Practice spelling and use a dictionary to ensure correct word usage. Avoid overly complex words if unsure.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Frequent grammatical errors in subject-verb agreement, tense, articles, and sentence structures reduce clarity and accuracy.
Examples
'has a negative impacts' (should be 'has a negative impact'), 'action movies has' (should be 'action movies have'), 'could be curtail' (should be 'could be curtailed'), 'can aid mitigate' (should be 'can help mitigate').
How to Improve
Focus on grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Practice constructing complex sentences correctly. Proofread to identify and correct errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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