This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior. It highlights coherence issues and limited vocabulary that hinder the clarity of arguments. To enhance this essay, itβs crucial to improve transitions and deepen the analysis of how media affects young people.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 250 words (actual: 315 words) and addresses the topic by agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting steps like pre-release discussion and bans. However, the argument lacks depth and development, with coherence issues, limited vocabulary including repeated spelling errors (e.g., 'voilence'), and frequent grammatical mistakes. Overall, it demonstrates a basic to moderate level of English proficiency.
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Numerous people thinks that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To a greater extent I'm agreed with the statement which will be explained below;
As we all know that young people behaviour can be easily affected, and they are easily influenced with things that are shown to them. They are still not mature enough to decide whether the things they are doing will have a positive or a negative effect. Other than this I also think that television programs and movies have a greater influence on our public. We can also take an example of a game named PUBG, which was introduced certain years ago, and many young people were playing it regularly and were somewhat addicted to that game. That game also included voilence like killing people etc, which affected the youngsters so much that certain cases of murder were reported. On investigating those cases, it was concluded that all this voilence became common after playing this gameand had a close association with it. So, I think same is the case with television programs and movies showing voilence.
Steps must be taken to avoid the raise of voilence among our youth. The most important step should be that before making a movie or programme or any game it should be first discussed that how will it influence our audience. I'm straightforwardly of the view that no voilence should be shown on television or movies or in games. If any of movie, game or television show shows voilence it should be directly banned.
It could be summarised that badly affect" title="Correction: showing violence on television or in movies can badly affect">showing voilence on television or in movies it can badly affect our young generation raising crimes and voilence in the society. So, strict actions should be taken against those promoting any kind of voilence.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| voilence | violence |
| gameand | game and |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Numerous people thinks | Numerous people think | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'think' |
| I'm agreed | I agree | Incorrect verb form: 'agree' is the correct verb to use with 'I' |
| As we all know that young people behaviour | As we all know, young people's behaviour | Run-on sentence and missing possessive: use comma after 'know' and add possessive apostrophe |
| influenced with | influenced by | Preposition error: 'influenced by' is the correct collocation |
| which was introduced certain years ago | which was introduced several years ago | Vague phrasing: 'certain' is imprecise; 'several' is more appropriate |
| like killing people etc, | such as killing people | Informal and redundant: 'etc.' should be avoided in formal writing; use 'such as' for examples |
| gameand had a close association | game and had a close association | Spacing error: 'game and' should be two words |
| same is the case | the same is true | Informal phrase: 'the same is true' is more formal and appropriate |
| avoid the raise of voilence | avoid the rise of violence | Word choice error: 'rise' is the noun form, while 'raise' is a verb |
| before making a movie or programme or any game it should be first discussed that how will it influence | before producing a movie, programme, or game, it should be discussed how it will influence | Awkward sentence structure: improve flow by using parallel structure and removing redundant words |
| If any of movie, game or television show shows voilence | If any movie, game, or television show shows violence | Article and conjunction error: 'any' does not require 'of', and use commas in list |
| showing voilence on television or in movies it can badly affect | showing violence on television or in movies can badly affect | Redundant pronoun: 'it' is unnecessary and disrupts the sentence |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| public | society | Vague term: 'society' is more precise in this context |
| take an example | consider the example | Informal phrasing: 'consider the example' is more academic |
| certain years ago | several years ago | Vague: 'several' is more specific and appropriate |
| somewhat addicted | often addicted | Imprecise: 'somewhat' weakens the statement; 'often' indicates frequency |
| etc. | and so on | Informal: 'etc.' is abbreviated and casual; avoid in formal writing |
| youngsters | young people | Informal: 'young people' is more formal and standard |
| same is the case | the same applies | Informal phrase: use more formal alternative |
| raise | rise | Incorrect word choice: 'rise' is the noun for increase, 'raise' is a verb |
| straightforwardly | clearly | Awkward word: 'clearly' is more natural and appropriate |
| badly affect | negatively impact | Vague and informal: 'negatively impact' is more precise and academic |
| raising crimes | increasing crime | Incorrect collocation: 'increase crime' is the proper phrase |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt with a clear agreement and provides an example (PUBG game) and steps. However, ideas are not fully extended, and the development is somewhat repetitive without exploring counter-arguments or deeper analysis.
Examples
Example of PUBG used to link game violence to real-world violence, but the connection is briefly stated. Steps suggested are generic (e.g., discussing content before release, banning violence) without elaboration on implementation or effectiveness.
How to Improve
Extend ideas by explaining how media violence specifically affects behavior, consider opposing views (e.g., media as only one factor), and provide more detailed, practical steps (e.g., parental controls, education programs) with reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but coherence is hampered by abrupt transitions and limited use of linking devices. Paragraphing is present but could be more logically organized.
Examples
Introduction is one sentence that partly repeats the question. Body paragraphs jump from influences to steps without smooth transitions. Conclusion summarises but does not add new insight.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however', 'for instance') to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and develops one main point. Improve flow by linking sentences within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several spelling errors that impede clarity. Word choice is basic and sometimes inaccurate, reducing the precision of expression.
Examples
Repeated misspelling of 'violence' as 'voilence'. Simple terms like 'think', 'show', 'badly affect' are used. Inaccurate use of 'public' instead of 'audience' or 'society'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range by learning synonyms (e.g., 'impact' instead of 'affect', 'prohibit' instead of 'ban'). Proofread carefully for spelling errors. Use more specific and academic language relevant to the topic.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammar errors are frequent, including subject-verb agreement, tense issues, and incorrect sentence structures. Punctuation is sometimes missing or misused, affecting readability.
Examples
'Numerous people thinks' (should be 'think'), 'I'm agreed' (should be 'I agree'), 'gameand' (missing space). Run-on sentences like 'That game also included voilence... which affected...' without proper punctuation.
How to Improve
Practice complex sentence structures (e.g., conditional clauses, relative pronouns). Review basic grammar rules, especially verb forms and articles. Edit for accuracy by reading aloud or using grammar check tools.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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