This Band 5.5 IELTS writing task 2 essay discusses the influence of media on youth violence. The essay presents ideas but suffers from grammatical errors and weak coherence. To improve, focus on clear transitions and grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic sufficiently, stating clear agreement and suggesting steps to reduce violence. However, it is limited by frequent grammatical errors, repetitive vocabulary, and weak coherence. The word count is adequate (approximately 280 words, meeting the 250-word minimum).
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The behaviour of young peolple can be influenced in many ways and there is an ongoing that debate that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies as resulted in an increase in the number of violence by young people in the society. totally agree" title="Correction: In my opinion, I totally agree">In my opinion I totally agree with the above submission.
young people can be influenced negatively by what they see and hear on a daily bases hence there is need for parents to sensor what is been seen on television and movies. young people has fresh mind and always want to put to practice what they see and these result in many going into crime without knowing. violence scene that illustrate or centred on terrorism can stimulate many young people in becoming a terrorist. many young people who carry guns and go into criminal activities learnt it mostly from the movies they seen. Also violence scene showing suicide bombing can easily influence young people especially the teens who may want to try their hands on what they see.
In order to reduce the increasing violence in the society by young people it will be very imperative set regulations" title="Correction: for the government to set regulations">for government to set regulations for movie makers for them to reduce violence scene in movies. There should be a regulation for the media houses to sensor what is been showed on the television. Also there should be series of programs to educate young people against going into crime letting them know that what is mostly seen on television and in movies is" title="Correction: letting them know that what is mostly seen on television and in movies is">letting them know that what is mostly seen on television and movies are just for acting purposes and not to be practiced. Parents and Guidance can also help in educating their children and controlling the kind of movie their children watch.
In conclusion, the level of violence by young people in the society is greatly influenced by what is been seen on television and movies and the above steps can be taken by both government nd parents to control it.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| peolple | people |
| bases | basis |
| sensor | censor |
| Guidance | guardians |
| nd | and |
Grammatical Mistakes
25 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| ongoing that debate | ongoing debate | Redundant word; remove 'that' |
| as resulted | has resulted | Verb form error; 'has' is the auxiliary verb for present perfect |
| in the number of violence | in violent acts | 'Violence' is uncountable; use 'violent acts' for countability |
| in the society | in society | Article misuse; 'society' often used without article in this context |
| In my opinion I totally agree | In my opinion, I totally agree | Missing comma after introductory phrase |
| hence there is need | hence, there is a need | Missing comma after 'hence' and article 'a' before 'need' |
| what is been seen | what is seen | Incorrect verb form; 'been' should be omitted for passive voice |
| young people has fresh mind | young people have fresh minds | Subject-verb agreement and plural noun |
| put to practice | put into practice | Preposition error; correct phrase is 'put into practice' |
| these result in | this results in | Pronoun and verb agreement; 'this' refers to singular idea, and 'results' for singular subject |
| violence scene that illustrate | violence scenes that illustrate | Noun should be plural, and verb 'illustrate' should agree with plural subject 'scenes' |
| in becoming a terrorist | to become terrorists | Preposition and article error; 'to become' is standard, and 'terrorists' plural |
| learnt it mostly from the movies they seen | learned it mostly from the movies they have seen | Verb tense error; past participle needed after 'have' |
| Also violence scene showing | Also, violence scenes showing | Missing comma and plural noun |
| try their hands on | try their hand at | Idiom error; correct form is 'try their hand at' |
| in the society by young people it will be very imperative | in society by young people, it is imperative | Article misuse, missing comma, and verb tense; remove 'the', add comma after 'people', and use 'is' instead of 'will be' |
| for government to set regulations | for the government to set regulations | Missing article before 'government' |
| violence scene in movies | violence scenes in movies | Plural noun needed |
| what is been showed on the television | what is shown on television | Verb form error and article misuse; 'shown' is correct past participle, and 'television' without article |
| Also there should be series of programs | Also, there should be a series of programs | Missing comma and article |
| letting them know that what is mostly seen on television and movies are | letting them know that what is mostly seen on television and in movies is | Missing comma after 'know', preposition before 'movies', and subject-verb agreement; 'what' is singular, so 'is' |
| Parents and Guidance can also help | Parents and guardians can also help | Incorrect term; 'Guidance' should be 'guardians' |
| controlling the kind of movie their children watch | controlling the kinds of movies their children watch | Plural nouns needed for generality |
| television and movies | television and in movies | Parallelism error; add 'in' for consistency |
| government nd parents | the government and parents | Spelling error 'nd' and missing article |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| totally agree | strongly agree | Informal; more academic alternative |
| above submission | aforementioned argument | Vague; more precise term |
| fresh mind | impressionable minds | Informal; more descriptive |
| violence scene | violent scenes | Incorrect collocation; standard phrase is 'violent scenes' |
| stimulate | encourage | More appropriate in context of negative influence |
| very imperative | crucial | Redundant; 'imperative' is strong, so use alone or replace with 'crucial' |
| set regulations | establish regulations | More formal verb |
| media houses | media outlets | Informal; standard term |
| letting them know | informing them | Informal; more formal alternative |
| just for acting purposes | merely for entertainment | Vague; more precise |
| control it | address it | Vague; more appropriate for solving problems |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The writer presents a relevant response, agreeing with the statement and outlining steps to lessen violence. However, ideas are not fully developed, and arguments lack depth and specific examples.
Examples
Mentions that violence in media can lead to terrorism or crime, but does not elaborate with evidence or detailed analysis. Steps like government regulation and parental control are listed but not explored in depth.
How to Improve
Extend each point by providing more detailed explanations, such as citing research or real-world cases. Ensure both parts of the question (extent of agreement and steps) are equally developed with clear reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but paragraphing is inconsistent, and cohesive devices are sometimes misused, affecting flow.
Examples
The first body paragraph begins with a lowercase 'young', and ideas jump between points without clear transitions. Phrases like 'hence' and 'also' are used but not always effectively.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and maintain consistent paragraph breaks. Improve linking between sentences with a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however') to enhance logical progression.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with several spelling and word choice errors, limiting the range and precision of expression.
Examples
Misspellings: 'peolple' (people), 'bases' (basis), 'sensor' (censor). Incorrect usage: 'been' for 'being', 'Guidance' for 'guardians'. Repetition of 'violence scene' and 'young people'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to media, violence, and society. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms, and proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Practice using academic or formal terms appropriately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout, including subject-verb agreement, tense inaccuracies, and sentence structure issues, which sometimes hinder communication.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'young people has fresh mind' (should be 'have fresh minds'). Tense errors: 'as resulted' (should be 'has resulted'). Fragment: 'violence scene that illustrate...' (incomplete sentence).
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. Practice writing complex sentences with correct conjunctions. Use grammar check tools and seek feedback on written work.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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