This Band 5 IELTS essay explores the impact of media violence on youth behavior. While it addresses the prompt, it suffers from clarity issues and lacks sufficient development, falling short of the minimum word count. Understanding these weaknesses can help you enhance your writing and achieve a better score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt by stating agreement that media violence influences youth and by suggesting government regulations. However, it falls short of the minimum 250-word requirement (238 words), which limits the depth of task fulfillment. The response is on topic but underdeveloped, with limited examples and simplistic reasoning. Coherence is adequate but lacks sophisticated linking. Lexical and grammatical errors reduce clarity. Overall, the essay is at a borderline Band 5.
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Many people believe that the violence that is presented by TV or movies impacte the behaviour of young individuals, which raises violence in our society. From a personal perspective, I agree that this can negatively impact people's behaviour. To lessen such issue, governments need to put some regulations for the these productions.
Media productions had a strong effect on people, especially young people. Directors and movies staff carefully structure events in order to make them realistic for audiences.Most violent movies or series are presented in a way that makes aggressivness appears as a normal act, or as a form of courage.As a result, vulnurable groups especially teenagers get easly effected by them and tend to apply them in real life with there friends of families.
Governments had the biggest authority to lessen this problem. By Forcing regulations on the production of movie's content, directors would be less encouraged to generate contents that contains violent scenes or themes. This solution can be more effictive if government staff are strict about applying their rules in reality instead of just announcing them. For instance, in many eastern countries bannes and restrics movies scenes that contain agressive behaviours in order to have less violent in society.
To concule, representations of movies and television about violence, can greatly impact behaviours of young people negatively, especially in real life situations. However, if governments apply some regulations on such productions this issue can be lessened.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| impacte | impacts |
| aggressivness | aggressiveness |
| vulnurable | vulnerable |
| easly | easily |
| effected | affected |
| there | their |
| concude | conclude |
| bannes | bans |
| restrics | restricts |
| agressive | aggressive |
| effictive | effective |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| such issue | such an issue | Missing article 'an' before countable singular noun 'issue' |
| for the these productions | for these productions | Double article 'the' and 'these' used incorrectly; remove 'the' |
| Media productions had a strong effect | Media productions have a strong effect | Tense inconsistency: use present tense for general statements |
| movies staff | movie staff | Noun modifier should be singular; 'movie staff' is idiomatic |
| makes aggressivness appears | makes aggressiveness appear | After 'make', use base form of verb, not third person singular |
| with there friends of families | with their friends or family members | Incorrect possessive and phrase; correct to 'their friends or family members' |
| Governments had the biggest authority | Governments have the greatest authority | Tense inconsistency and informal 'biggest'; use present tense and 'greatest' |
| By Forcing regulations | By forcing regulations | Capitalization error in the middle of a sentence |
| contents that contains violent scenes | content that contains violent scenes | Subject-verb agreement: 'contents' is plural but 'contains' is singular; use uncountable 'content' |
| bannes and restrics movies scenes | bans and restricts movie scenes | Spelling and noun modifier: 'movies scenes' should be 'movie scenes' |
| have less violent in society | have less violence in society | 'Violent' is an adjective; use the noun 'violence' |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| apply them | imitate them | 'Apply' is vague; 'imitate' more precisely describes copying behaviors |
| just announcing them | merely announcing them | 'Just' is informal; 'merely' is more formal and academic |
| have less violent in society | reduce violence in society | Awkward phrasing; 'reduce violence' is a standard collocation |
| representations | portrayals | In media context, 'portrayals' is more specific than 'representations' |
| apply some regulations | implement regulations | 'Implement' is more formal and commonly used with 'regulations' |
| generate contents | produce content | 'Contents' is rarely used as a plural countable noun; 'content' is uncountable and 'produce' is a better collocation |
| the biggest authority | the greatest authority | 'Biggest' is informal; 'greatest' is more appropriate in formal writing |
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Task Response
5
Evaluation
The essay directly responds to both parts of the question: it agrees that media violence influences young people's behaviour and proposes government regulation as a solution. However, the argument is underdeveloped, with only general statements and one vague example (eastern countries banning scenes). The word count is below 250, which further limits the ability to fully explore the topic. The response is relevant but lacks depth and supporting evidence.
Examples
The introduction merely restates the question. The second body paragraph offers a single solution without discussing effectiveness or alternative measures. The conclusion simply repeats the main points.
How to Improve
Extend the essay to at least 250 words. Develop each point with specific real-world examples, such as studies linking media violence to aggression or successful censorship policies. Explore counterarguments or additional steps (e.g., parental controls, media literacy). Ensure both the agreement/disagreement and the proposed steps are fully elaborated.
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Paragraphing is present but basic. Cohesive devices are limited to simple transitions like 'however' and 'as a result'. There is some repetition of ideas, and the flow between sentences could be smoother. The second body paragraph shifts abruptly to the example without a clear connection.
Examples
The first body paragraph uses 'as a result' and 'especially', but the link from 'directors structure events' to 'aggressiveness appears normal' is not well explained. The second body paragraph begins with 'Governments had the biggest authority' which lacks a logical connector to the previous paragraph.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'in contrast'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences build logically. Add linking phrases between paragraphs to improve the overall flow.
Lexical Resource
4.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is basic and often repetitive. Errors in word form and spelling occur frequently (e.g., 'impacte', 'effictive', 'concude', 'bannes', 'vulnurable', 'aggressivness', 'easly'). Collocations are weak (e.g., 'generate contents' instead of 'produce content'). There is little use of less common or topic-specific vocabulary.
Examples
'Violent movies or series are presented in a way that makes aggressivness appears as a normal act' – awkward phrasing and spelling errors. 'By Forcing regulations' – capitalization error. 'To concule' – misspelling of 'conclude'.
How to Improve
Build vocabulary related to media, behaviour, and policy (e.g., 'desensitization', 'censorship', 'legislation', 'psychological impact'). Practice spelling and word forms. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms and avoid repetition. Read sample IELTS essays to see how advanced vocabulary is used naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
4.5
Evaluation
The essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences. There are frequent grammatical errors: subject-verb agreement ('violence... impacte'), pronoun errors ('there friends' instead of 'their'), incorrect verb forms ('would be less encouraged to generate'), and missing articles. Punctuation is inconsistent, especially with capitalization and comma usage.
Examples
Most violent movies or series are presented in a way that makes aggressivness appears as a normal act' – 'appears' should be 'appear'. 'vulnurable groups especially teenagers get easly effected by them' – 'effected' should be 'affected', 'easly' misspelled. 'In many eastern countries bannes and restrics movies scenes' – 'bannes' should be 'ban', 'restrics' should be 'restrict'.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, pronouns (their/there), and verb tenses. Practice writing complex sentences using relative clauses and conditionals. Proofread carefully for spelling and punctuation. Use grammar-checking tools and focus on common error patterns.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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