This Band 5 IELTS essay addresses media violence but lacks a clear position on agreement or disagreement. It features underdeveloped arguments and frequent language errors, making clarity a significant issue. Discover how to improve your writing with focused feedback.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic but lacks a clear position on the extent of agreement or disagreement. Arguments are underdeveloped, relying on personal anecdotes rather than broader evidence. Steps to reduce violence are mentioned but not elaborated. Language errors are frequent, affecting clarity. The word count is sufficient (approximately 300 words vs. required 250), so no penalty applied.
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In this modern era, many people believe that the huge amount of violence seen on several screen like on television and in movies which badly influences to young youths and to their behaviours. As a results, it slowly increases the level of violence in our community and nations as well. I will discuss in detail about violence and its major steps to control and additionally i will draw my opinion regarding this.
In present days, numerious people follow social media to receive information and knowledge. Similarly, people interested to spend their time on screen such as television and movies as well. Large number of young youths believe those visuals are real and however try to addopts all those in their own life to experience in real. As a result it harms and damages their future. To illustrates, my younger brother jumped from toproof of the house because he watched a spiderman movie 2 days age and he also wants to be Superman" title="Correction: Superman">a superman. As a result he tried and got serious injured.
To decrease the number of violence, the flim maker should raise awareness about the effect of it. They should reduce the number of these types of flims and should rise the level of flims which helps to motivate every individuals.The admistrations should take actions strictly. So that people affraid before they try to take any kinds of violence. For example, once my neighbourhood uncle was trying to beat his wife after he got drunk. His daugher called the cops and they punished him by keeping him more 2 days. So he got the his lession and he always avoids alchohal.
As far as I am concerned, the movies where violence is promoted or prioritized should be band.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
13 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| numerious | numerous |
| addopts | adopt |
| toproof | rooftop |
| spiderman | Spider-Man |
| age | ago |
| superman | Superman |
| flim | film |
| admistrations | administrations |
| affraid | afraid |
| daugher | daughter |
| lession | lesson |
| alchohal | alcohol |
| band | banned |
Grammatical Mistakes
24 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a results | a result | Article misuse: 'result' should be singular after 'a' |
| discuss in detail about | discuss in detail | Redundant preposition: 'discuss' does not require 'about' |
| i will | I will | Pronoun should be capitalized |
| people interested to spend | people are interested in spending | Verb form: 'interested in' followed by gerund |
| Large number of | A large number of | Missing article: 'a' is needed before 'large number' |
| and however try to | and they try to | Conjunction error: 'however' should be used with proper punctuation |
| to experience in real | to experience in reality | Incorrect phrase: 'real' is an adjective; use 'reality' or 'real life' |
| As a result it harms | As a result, it harms | Missing comma after introductory phrase |
| To illustrates | To illustrate | Infinitive form: 'to illustrate' is correct |
| jumped from toproof | jumped from the rooftop | Incorrect word: 'toproof' should be 'rooftop' |
| 2 days age | 2 days ago | Incorrect word: 'age' should be 'ago' for past time |
| a superman | Superman | Article misuse: 'Superman' is a proper noun and does not require an article |
| got serious injured | got seriously injured | Adverb form: 'seriously' should modify 'injured' |
| number of violence | level of violence | Countability error: 'violence' is uncountable, use 'level' instead of 'number' |
| the flim maker | film makers | Spelling and plural: 'film' is correct, and 'makers' should be plural |
| effect of it | its effects | Possessive and plural: use 'its' for possession and 'effects' for multiple impacts |
| should rise the level | should raise the level | Verb choice: 'raise' is transitive, 'rise' is intransitive |
| every individuals | every individual | Singular/plural agreement: 'every' is singular |
| take actions strictly | take strict actions | Word order: adjective 'strict' should precede noun 'actions' |
| people affraid | people are afraid | Missing verb: 'afraid' is an adjective, need 'are' |
| take any kinds of violence | commit any kind of violence | Collocation error: 'commit violence' is standard |
| keeping him more 2 days | keeping him for 2 more days | Preposition and word order: 'for' is needed, and 'more' should come after the number |
| got the his lession | learned his lesson | Idiomatic expression: 'learned his lesson' is correct |
| should be band | should be banned | Verb form: 'banned' is the past participle meaning prohibited |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| young youths | youths | Redundant: 'youths' already implies young age |
| badly influences | negatively influences | Informal: 'negatively' is more precise and academic |
| draw my opinion | state my opinion | Not idiomatic: 'state' is appropriate for expressing opinion |
| cops | police | Informal: 'police' is the formal term for law enforcement |
| take any kinds of violence | engage in any form of violence | Incorrect collocation: 'engage in violence' is standard |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the influence of media violence and suggesting steps to reduce it. However, the position on agreement/disagreement is not explicitly stated, and arguments are underdeveloped with weak examples.
Examples
The introduction paraphrases the question but does not clearly state the writer's stance. The example of a brother jumping off a roof after watching Spider-Man is personal and not effectively linked to societal violence. Steps like film makers raising awareness are mentioned but not explained in depth.
How to Improve
Clearly state your agreement or disagreement in the introduction. Develop arguments with relevant, general examples (e.g., citing studies on media effects). Elaborate on suggested steps with specific details and explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but ideas are not logically sequenced, and cohesion is weakened by poor transitions and paragraph development.
Examples
The shift from discussing social media to television in the first body paragraph is abrupt. The conclusion is overly brief and does not summarize key points. Linking words are minimal, and some sentences are disjointed (e.g., 'To illustrates...').
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce paragraph main ideas. Employ linking words (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'however') to connect sentences and paragraphs. Plan the essay structure to ensure a logical flow from introduction to conclusion.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate, with frequent spelling errors and inappropriate word choices, which hinder communication.
Examples
Misspellings: 'flim' for 'film,' 'admistration' for 'administration,' 'affraid' for 'afraid,' 'alchohal' for 'alcohol.' Redundant phrases like 'young youths' and incorrect usage such as 'influences to' instead of 'influences.'
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by reading academic texts and practicing topic-related words. Use a dictionary to check spellings and meanings. Avoid repetition by using synonyms (e.g., 'adolescents' instead of 'young youths').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammar is weak with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tenses, articles, and punctuation. Sentences are mostly simple, with limited complex structures.
Examples
Errors: 'As a results' (should be 'As a result'), 'people interested to spend' (should be 'people are interested in spending'), 'got serious injured' (should be 'got seriously injured'), 'band' (should be 'banned'). Punctuation issues like missing spaces after periods.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, articles, and tense consistency. Practice writing compound and complex sentences. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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