This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the impact of media violence on youth and suggests mitigative measures. It faces challenges in coherence and structure, which hinder the overall clarity of the arguments presented. Improving paragraph organization and providing more supporting examples could enhance its effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (250 words) and addresses the topic, agreeing that media violence influences young people and proposing some measures. However, the response lacks depth in exploring the extent of agreement and provides only a limited discussion of steps. The argument is underdeveloped, with a single anecdotal example. Coherence is weak due to poor paragraphing and unclear logical connections. Vocabulary and grammar are limited, with frequent errors that impede clarity. Overall, the essay would benefit from more structured development, better use of cohesive devices, and improved lexical and grammatical accuracy.
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The quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behavior of our young people. It can be write and can be worng. Everyone have different prespective about everything. Sometimes watching these type of movies trigger young people to do worng things. The belive what they have watched and try to become cool in society. I agree to this statement but in my opinion it targets only week minds. People watch movies which inculde violence and develop different thoughts. Some people discourge the violence and some of them justifiy it that is was nessessry to do something.
The representaion of violence should be limited on television and movies. Movies should have age limit to watch. In the end of movies the movie company should have to mention that it was only for the entertainment purpose. There are many cases in which people watched some serial killer movies and after that they have tried to become one. In 2010 there was a case reported in Pakistan in which a man murderd almost 100 childerns and dumped there bodies into acid. He was a totaly uneducated man and he admitted that he got this idea from a specific movie. So, it is ture that some time these type of movies create the unstopable monsters and give them guide to escape after doing a crime. Governments should have to put limits on movie and the content being shown on television. The movies companies should have age limit on movies and seasons.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
16 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| write | right |
| worng | wrong |
| prespective | perspective |
| belive | believe |
| week | weak |
| inculde | include |
| discourge | discourage |
| justifiy | justify |
| nessessry | necessary |
| representaion | representation |
| murderd | murdered |
| childerns | children |
| there | their |
| totaly | totally |
| ture | true |
| unstopable | unstoppable |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Everyone have different prespective | Everyone has a different perspective | Subject-verb agreement: 'everyone' is singular, requires 'has'; also missing article 'a' before 'perspective' |
| I agree to this statement | I agree with this statement | Incorrect preposition: 'agree to' is used for proposals, 'agree with' for opinions |
| justifiy it that is was nessessry | justify it, saying it was necessary | Incorrect pronoun and verb form: 'that is was' should be 'that it was' or rephrase with 'saying' |
| on television and movies | on television and in movies | Missing preposition 'in' before 'movies' for parallelism |
| Movies should have age limit to watch | Movies should have an age limit to watch | Missing indefinite article 'an' before 'age limit' |
| In the end of movies | At the end of movies | Incorrect preposition: 'in the end' means finally, 'at the end' refers to the conclusion |
| it was only for the entertainment purpose | it was only for entertainment purposes | Singular 'purpose' is awkward; plural 'purposes' is more idiomatic |
| some time these type of movies | sometimes these types of movies | 'some time' (duration) should be 'sometimes' (occasionally); 'these type' should be 'these types' (plural demonstrative with plural noun) |
| put limits on movie | put limits on movies | Noun 'movie' should be plural to match general statement |
| The movies companies | The movie companies | When used as an adjective, 'movie' remains singular; 'movies companies' is non-standard |
| should have age limit on movies and seasons | should have age limits on movies and seasons | Plural 'limits' needed for a general policy |
| The belive what they have watched | They believe what they have watched | Unnecessary article 'The' and verb 'believe' needs subject; corrected to subject + verb |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| try to become cool in society | try to appear socially accepted | 'Cool' is informal and vague; 'socially accepted' is more precise and academic |
| some time | sometimes | 'Some time' means a period; here the intended meaning is 'occasionally', so 'sometimes' is the correct adverbial form |
| give them guide to escape | provide them guidance to escape | 'Guide' as a noun refers to a person or manual; 'guidance' is the abstract noun meaning direction or advice |
| doing a crime | committing a crime | Wrong collocation: 'commit a crime' is the standard phrase; 'do a crime' is non-idiomatic |
| have to put limits | impose restrictions | 'Have to put limits' is wordy and informal; 'impose restrictions' is more concise and formal |
| should have to mention | should mention | 'Have to' is redundant after 'should'; 'should mention' is sufficient and more direct |
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the prompt but does not fully develop a clear position on the extent of agreement. It agrees with the statement but offers only a brief justification and a single example. The second part (steps to lessen violence) is mentioned but not elaborated convincingly (age limits, disclaimers, government limits). More detailed reasoning and a balanced discussion are needed.
Examples
The essay states 'I agree to this statement but in my opinion it targets only week minds' β this is vague. The anecdote about the Pakistan case is specific but not well-integrated. The proposed steps (age limit, mention 'entertainment purpose', government limits) are listed without explanation of how they would work.
How to Improve
Clearly outline your position in the introduction, then dedicate separate paragraphs to explaining why you agree/disagree with reasoned arguments and evidence. For the second question, provide concrete, realistic steps and explain how each could be implemented. Avoid relying on a single example; use a range of supporting points.
Coherence & Cohesion4.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure (introduction, body paragraph, conclusion), but ideas do not flow smoothly. There is limited use of cohesive devices, and the connection between sentences is often unclear. Paragraphs are not logically organized, and the argument jumps between points without clear progression.
Examples
The first paragraph mixes personal opinion, general statements, and the beginning of a discussion about representation. The second paragraph jumps from age limits to a case example and then back to government limits without clear transitions. Sentences like 'It can be write and can be worng' are confusing and disrupt coherence.
How to Improve
Plan your essay with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs (one for your opinion, one for measures), and a conclusion. Use linking words (e.g., 'firstly', 'moreover', 'on the other hand', 'in conclusion'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within it support that idea logically.
Lexical Resource4
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and repetitive. There are many spelling errors (e.g., 'worng', 'prespective', 'week minds', 'childerns', 'ture', 'unstopable') and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'discourge', 'justifiy'). The range of lexical items is narrow, with overuse of basic words like 'movies', 'violence', 'people'.
Examples
'week minds' should be 'weak minds'; 'unstopable monsters' β 'unstoppable'; 'discourge' β 'discourage'; 'nessessry' β 'necessary'. The phrase 'representaion of violence should be limited' is an attempt at a formal expression but contains a spelling error.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by learning topic-specific terms (e.g., 'desensitization', 'censorship', 'moral panic', 'legislation'). Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling mistakes. Use synonyms (e.g., 'youngsters', 'adolescents', 'societal impact', 'content regulation') to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that affect readability. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ('Everyone have'), incorrect verb forms ('It can be write'), missing articles, and sentence fragments. Complex structures are attempted but often fail (e.g., 'People watch movies which inculde violence and develop different thoughts' β unclear subject). Punctuation is also inconsistent.
Examples
'It can be write and can be worng' β incorrect verb form; should be 'It can be right or wrong'. 'Everyone have different prespective' β subject-verb agreement error; should be 'Everyone has a different perspective'. 'He was a totaly uneducated man' β 'totally'. 'the movie company should have to mention' β awkward; 'should mention' is sufficient.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar: subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, article usage (a/an/the), and sentence structure. Practice writing complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions (because, although, while). After writing, read aloud to catch errors. Consider using a grammar-check tool or getting feedback from a tutor.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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