Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Media Violence Essay: Coherence and Structure Issues
Sample Answer with Feedback

The quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behavior of our young people. It can be write and can be worng. Everyone have different prespective about everything. Sometimes watching these type of movies trigger young people to do worng things. The belive what they have watched and try to become cool in society. I agree to this statement but in my opinion it targets only week minds. People watch movies which inculde violence and develop different thoughts. Some people discourge the violence and some of them justifiy it that is was nessessry to do something.
The representaion of violence should be limited on television and movies. Movies should have age limit to watch. In the end of movies the movie company should have to mention that it was only for the entertainment purpose. There are many cases in which people watched some serial killer movies and after that they have tried to become one. In 2010 there was a case reported in Pakistan in which a man murderd almost 100 childerns and dumped there bodies into acid. He was a totaly uneducated man and he admitted that he got this idea from a specific movie. So, it is ture that some time these type of movies create the unstopable monsters and give them guide to escape after doing a crime. Governments should have to put limits on movie and the content being shown on television. The movies companies should have age limit on movies and seasons.

     Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

      To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

      Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

      In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.