This Band 5 IELTS essay on media violence discusses the influence of violent content on youth behavior. Key feedback includes the need for deeper argument development and improved clarity, as critical points were underexplored.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay partially addresses the prompt by stating a position of partial agreement and suggesting parental control as a step to reduce violence. However, the arguments are underdeveloped, and the second part of the question (steps to lessen violence) is only briefly covered. The word count meets the minimum requirement (257 words). Significant errors in vocabulary, grammar, and coherence hinder clarity and prevent a higher score.
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Nowadays, children are wasting lots of their time on screen, which can lead to seeing range videos and also can make them violance. Reprisal scenes on TV and films considered to be impacts the jouveniles' behavior and ,as a result, the violance's level bursts. I partly agree with idea that account of violance scenery has a impact on young individuals beause they consider violance like simple score and it depends on parents.
To begin with, after watching force sceneries children think that it is not a bad action and might follow them. This is mainly because they are not grow mentally yet, and cannot separate positive and negative. For instance, when they see how homicides are killing people or robbers rob their belongings with force, they take it the way of erning money easy. Hence, such type of movies or videos on social media has a enormous effect on cildrens behavior.
However, parents are also play a huge role on their cildren's behavior, and can change their life. It is due to the fact that if guardians control their children, and chek their phones regularly they will able to safe them from being rapist. To demonstrate it, by managing what type contents their children watch out, and cheking their smart devices at least two times in a week they can guide them on right way. Therefore, gadgets should be ckecked by guardiance every week.
To conclude it, although some teenagers guided to wrong side by videos, which include violence scenery , it may be managed by parents
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| violance | violence |
| jouveniles | juveniles |
| beause | because |
| cildrens | children's |
| cildren | children |
| chek | check |
| guardiance | guardians |
| ckecked | checked |
| erning | earning |
Grammatical Mistakes
15 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| seeing range videos | seeing a range of videos | Missing article 'a' and preposition 'of' before 'videos' |
| make them violance | make them violent | Adjective needed instead of noun 'violence' |
| considered to be impacts the jouveniles' behavior | are considered to impact the juveniles' behavior | Missing auxiliary verb 'are' and incorrect verb form 'impacts' should be infinitive 'impact' |
| the violance's level bursts | the violence level increases | Possessive misuse; 'bursts' is awkward; better to use 'increases' |
| has a impact | has an impact | Article 'a' should be 'an' before vowel sound 'impact' |
| are not grow | have not grown | Past participle 'grown' required after 'have', not base form 'grow' |
| take it the way of erning money easy | take it as a way of earning money easily | Preposition 'as' needed; 'easy' should be adverb 'easily' |
| has a enormous effect | has an enormous effect | Article 'a' should be 'an' before vowel sound 'enormous' |
| parents are also play | parents also play | Double verb: remove 'are' or use 'are also playing' |
| they will able to safe them | they will be able to save them | Missing 'be' before 'able'; 'safe' should be verb 'save' |
| from being rapist | from becoming violent | Noun 'rapist' is incorrect; use adjective 'violent' or noun phrase 'violent criminals' |
| what type contents | what type of content | Missing preposition 'of' and 'content' is uncountable |
| watch out | watch | Unnecessary particle 'out' β 'watch' alone suffices |
| on right way | on the right way | Missing definite article 'the' |
| guided to wrong side | are guided to the wrong side | Missing auxiliary verb 'are' and article 'the' |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| lots of | a significant amount of | Informal; use more precise academic phrasing |
| range videos | a wide range of videos | Incomplete collocation; 'range' requires 'a ... of' |
| violance scenery | violent scenes | Wrong collocation: 'scenery' is for landscapes; use 'scenes' for TV/film |
| simple score | a trivial matter | Unclear and incorrect phrase; likely meant 'a simple thing' or 'trivial' |
| force sceneries | violent scenes | Adjective 'force' is rare; 'violent' is standard; 'scenery' should be 'scenes' |
| the way of erning money easy | an easy way to earn money | Awkward phrasing; restructure for clarity and formality |
| such type of | such types of | Plural 'types' needed for countable noun 'movies or videos' |
| safe them | save them | 'Safe' is an adjective; the verb is 'save' |
| rapist | violent person | Incorrect word; 'rapist' has specific legal meaning; use general term |
| guardiance | guardians | Spelling error and non-standard word; 'guardians' is correct |
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear position ('I partly agree') and attempts to discuss both the influence of media violence and a potential solution (parental monitoring). However, the response lacks depth: examples are vague ('homicides killing people'), and the arguments are not fully extended. The second part of the question ('What steps may be taken?') is addressed in only one short paragraph with limited development. Overall, the response is on-topic but insufficiently covers all aspects of the task.
Examples
The essay mentions that children 'cannot separate positive and negative' and that parents should 'check their phones regularly', but these points are not elaborated with specific evidence or reasoning.
How to Improve
Expand on the arguments by providing concrete examples (e.g., studies on media effects, specific parental strategies). Ensure both parts of the question (agreement/disagreement and steps) are equally developed. Use a more balanced structure with dedicated paragraphs for each aspect.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic three-paragraph structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion), but the progression of ideas is weak. Transitions are limited and sometimes abrupt (e.g., 'To begin with' followed by 'However' without clear connection). Cohesive devices are rarely used, and the flow between sentences is choppy. The final conclusion is too brief and does not effectively summarise the main points.
Examples
The first body paragraph discusses children's imitation of violence, while the second shifts to parental control β the link between them is not clearly explained. Phrases like 'Hence, such type of movies...' are awkward and disrupt coherence.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and logical linking words (e.g., 'In addition', 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand'). Improve paragraph organisation by grouping related ideas together and ensuring each paragraph has a single focus. Add a concluding sentence that synthesises the main arguments.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate. There are frequent spelling errors ('violance', 'jouveniles', 'cildren', 'guardiance', 'ckecked'), which impede understanding. Word choice is basic and repetitive (e.g., 'violance', 'force', 'behavior'). Attempts at less common words ('reprisal', 'enormous') are rare and sometimes misused. The range of vocabulary is insufficient for a higher band.
Examples
'violance's level bursts' is unclear; 'the way of erning money easy' shows incorrect word forms and collocation. 'rapist' is used incorrectly (meant 'criminal' or 'harmful content').
How to Improve
Learn and practise spelling of common academic words (violence, juvenile, children, guardian). Expand vocabulary by reading sample essays and noting topic-specific terms (e.g., 'influence', 'desensitisation', 'censorship', 'supervision'). Use a dictionary to confirm correct word forms and collocations.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('parents are also play'), incorrect verb tenses ('they take it'), missing articles ('a impact'), and faulty sentence structures. Sentences are mostly simple or incorrectly complex. Punctuation is also inconsistent (e.g., missing commas). These errors significantly affect clarity and accuracy.
Examples
After watching force sceneries children think that it is not a bad action and might follow them.' β incorrect word order, missing article; 'by managing what type contents their children watch out' β missing preposition and unclear meaning.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Practise writing simple sentences correctly before attempting complex structures. Seek feedback on grammar errors and revise thoroughly. Use grammar-check tools or resources to identify common mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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