Achieving a Band 5 in the IELTS Writing Task 2 can be challenging. This essay on media violence highlights critical issues such as grammatical errors and coherence problems. Improving these areas will help develop a more compelling argument and enhance overall clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt partially, discussing the impact of violence in media on young people and society, and offers a general viewpoint. However, it lacks depth in analysis, does not effectively address steps to lessen violence, and presents several grammatical errors.
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Nowadays, the rising of violence in our society is upwarding by many violence seen on televisionand in movies. This influence the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, rises the level of violence in our community or society.
At present, young people is the main character to grow our generation. If the young people fall into the violence and the agressive behaviours we can not became the growing generation or a upwarding country. Recent young people is influencing by many variety of violence seen and the behaviours that demonstrating in the television and in movies. By seeing this type of violence and that type of behaviours young people get encouraged to do the same thing in their real life. They belive the method of violence and that behaviours where they saw in television and in movies.
On the other hand, young people is the fastest learner, what they saw in television and in movies, they get encouraged by many simple and positive ways. For instance, they saw a content in their television or in movies is the common man is became a police officer by doing hard work and helping the poor peoples, by sawing this they get motivated and want to become a police officer and help the poor people, what they actually saw.
Overall, television and movies violence seen and their behavior carry a both side such as positive and negative. By this whole conversation, i agree that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influence young people and rises the level of violence of our society. Young people should be gain knowledge by sawing movies and television not agressive behaviours.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| upwarding | increasing |
| televisionand | television and |
| agressive | aggressive |
| became | become |
| belive | believe |
| peoples | people |
| sawing | seeing |
| agressive | aggressive |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| this influence | this influences | Subject-verb agreement: 'this' is singular and requires 'influences' |
| young people is | young people are | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural and requires 'are' |
| influencing by | influenced by | Incorrect verb form: 'influenced' is the correct past participle form |
| demonstrating in the television | demonstrated on television | Incorrect verb form and preposition usage: 'demonstrated' is the correct past form; 'on' is the correct preposition |
| is became | becomes | Incorrect verb form: 'becomes' is the correct singular form |
| carry a both side | carry both sides | Incorrect expression: 'both sides' is the correct expression |
| should be gain | should gain | Unnecessary auxiliary verb: 'be' |
| i agree | I agree | Capitalization: 'I' should always be capitalized |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| recent young people | today's young people | More appropriate time marker: 'today's' indicates present time more clearly |
| get encouraged | are encouraged | Passive voice is more suitable for academic context |
| content in their television | content on television | Incorrect preposition: 'on' is the correct preposition for 'television' |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to address the prompt, discussing the influence of media violence on youth behavior and society. However, it does not sufficiently explore the steps that could lessen violence in society, resulting in a partially developed response.
Examples
The essay focuses mainly on how young people are influenced by media violence but does not provide specific steps to mitigate this issue.
How to Improve
To improve, provide a more detailed analysis of the issue and discuss concrete steps that could reduce the effects of media violence on society.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay is structured with a basic introduction and body paragraphs. However, the ideas are not well-organized, and there is a lack of clear progression and connection between ideas.
Examples
The transition between the discussion of negative and positive influences is abrupt and not effectively linked.
How to Improve
Improve coherence by organizing ideas logically and using linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with repetitive use of certain terms and some inaccuracies in word choice.
Examples
Repetitive use of phrases like 'violence seen' and incorrect usage such as 'upwarding'.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary and use synonyms or varied expressions to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, which hinder communication and understanding.
Examples
Errors include 'young people is', 'belive', and 'became' instead of 'become'.
How to Improve
Improve grammatical accuracy by practicing correct sentence structures, verb forms, and subject-verb agreement.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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