Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Media Violence: Grammar & Cohesion Feedback
Sample Answer with Feedback

Nowadays, the rising of violence in our society is upwarding by many violence seen on televisionand in movies. This influence the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, rises the level of violence in our community or society.

At present, young people is the main character to grow our generation. If the young people fall into the violence and the agressive behaviours we can not became the growing generation or a upwarding country. Recent young people is influencing by many variety of violence seen and the behaviours that demonstrating in the television and in movies. By seeing this type of violence and that type of behaviours young people get encouraged to do the same thing in their real life. They belive the method of violence and that behaviours where they saw in television and in movies.

On the other hand, young people is the fastest learner, what they saw in television and in movies, they get encouraged by many simple and positive ways. For instance, they saw a content in their television or in movies is the common man is became a police officer by doing hard work and helping the poor peoples, by sawing this they get motivated and want to become a police officer and help the poor people, what they actually saw.

Overall, television and movies violence seen and their behavior carry a both side such as positive and negative. By this whole conversation, i agree that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influence young people and rises the level of violence of our society. Young people should be gain knowledge by sawing movies and television not agressive behaviours.

     Today, violence remains a critical issue affecting countless individuals. While some argue that exposure to violent content in television and movies directly influences young people, leading to increased aggression, others contend that various social factors, such as family environment, education, and culture, play a more significant role. Personally, I argue that media violence is not the primary cause of societal violence and that alternative measures should be taken to address this issue effectively.

      To begin with, no definitive evidence proves that violent media directly leads to aggressive behavior. Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is no causal link between watching violent content and committing violent acts. On the contrary, some researchers suggest that consuming such media can have a cathartic effect, allowing individuals to release frustration in a non-harmful manner. Violence stems from deeper societal issues, including poverty, inequality, discrimination, and abuse. These conditions often provoke feelings of anger and frustration, pushing individuals toward violent behaviors as a means of coping or expressing their emotions.

      Therefore, I think that reducing violence requires more than restricting media content. A more effective approach includes expanding educational and employment opportunities to provide stability and direction for young individuals. Additionally, integrating conflict resolution and negotiation skills into educational programs can foster peaceful interactions. Encouraging participation in constructive activities, such as sports, arts, and volunteer work, also promotes positive social engagement and deters involvement in violence.

      In conclusion, I believe that blaming media violence for societal aggression overlooks the deeper causes of violence. Rather than restricting content, addressing social and economic inequalities can lead to meaningful change. By implementing proactive solutions, we can cultivate a safer and more harmonious society for future generations.