This band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on youth behavior. While the writer addresses the topic, organization and clarity issues impede effective communication. Detailed examination of strategies to enhance essay structure and develop coherent arguments will greatly benefit IELTS candidates.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (254 words) and addresses both parts of the question by agreeing that media violence influences young people and suggesting basic steps to reduce it. However, the argument is underdeveloped, and the solutions are not elaborated. Significant issues with grammar, vocabulary, and cohesion reduce clarity and overall effectiveness.
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I agree with statement that the of violence" title="Correction: amount of violence">quantity of violence seen of television and in movies influence the behaviour of our young people. From the very childhood of society gradually" title="Correction: we get exposed to many materials of society gradually">we get to exposed to many materials of the society gradually, movies and watching televisons are the screens we proceeds that allows us to do so. Though watching televisons and movies are solely made for entertainment purposes but it contribute a lot in building our mindsets. For example, a child watches cartoon in the televison, so the quality of contents affects his mental devepment. He learns new things from there and tries to adapt to it. Thus if a child grows up watching violence he tries to normalise that in his surroundings. Thus in this way he makes violence his habit. And it is same for the young people of your society especially the teenagers. They get exposed to different violent activites through movies,they get fascinated with these as they get heavily influenced at this age. Then they tries to build these habits such as forming a gang,hitting to show influence, destroying the natonal assets, bullying others even theft and robbery in many cases. Thus, the adults and the guardians has to be very careful about these matters. Again the goverment has to work on this as a upper hand because the safe quality content in the films and televions are licenced by them. Thus the goverment has to put strict order in the film industry and need to consider very carefully before broadcasting any movies or shows.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| of | on |
| televisons | televisions |
| devepment | development |
| activites | activities |
| natonal | national |
| goverment | government |
| licenced | licensed |
| televions | televisions |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| I agree with statement that the quantity of violence seen of television and in movies influence the behaviour of our young people. | I agree with the statement that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people. | Missing article 'the', incorrect preposition 'of' replaced with 'on', and subject-verb agreement corrected ('influence' to 'influences'). |
| we get to exposed to many materials of the society gradually | we get exposed to many materials of society gradually | Unnecessary 'to' removed for grammatical accuracy. |
| movies and watching televisons are the screens we proceeds that allows us to do so. | movies and watching televisions are the screens we process that allow us to do so. | Verb 'proceeds' corrected to 'process' and subject-verb agreement fixed ('allows' to 'allow'). |
| but it contribute a lot in building our mindsets. | but it contributes a lot to building our mindsets. | Subject-verb agreement corrected ('contribute' to 'contributes') and preposition 'in' replaced with 'to'. |
| Thus if a child grows up watching violence he tries to normalise that in his surroundings. | Thus, if a child grows up watching violence, he tries to normalize it in his surroundings. | Comma added for clarity, 'normalise' corrected to 'normalize' (American English), and 'that' replaced with 'it' for precision. |
| Then they tries to build these habits | Then they try to build these habits | Subject-verb agreement corrected ('tries' to 'try'). |
| the adults and the guardians has to be very careful | the adults and the guardians have to be very careful | Subject-verb agreement corrected ('has' to 'have'). |
| the goverment has to work on this as a upper hand | the government has to work on this as an upper hand | Article 'a' corrected to 'an' for proper usage before a vowel sound. |
| Thus the goverment has to put strict order in the film industry | Thus, the government has to enforce strict regulations in the film industry | Comma added for clarity, 'put strict order' replaced with 'enforce strict regulations' for better phrasing. |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| quantity of violence | amount of violence | 'Amount' is more appropriate for uncountable nouns like 'violence'. |
| building our mindsets | shaping our perspectives | 'Shaping our perspectives' is more precise and formal. |
| tries to normalise that | tries to accept that as normal | More precise phrasing to convey the intended meaning. |
| forming a gang | engaging in gang activities | More formal and precise phrasing. |
| hitting to show influence | using physical violence to assert dominance | More formal and precise phrasing. |
| put strict order | enforce strict regulations | More formal and appropriate phrasing. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The writer clearly agrees with the statement and provides some relevant examples, such as children normalizing violence from cartoons and teenagers imitating violent acts. However, the development is superficial, with limited exploration of the extent of agreement. The second part on steps to lessen violence is mentioned but lacks detail and specific measures.
Examples
Examples include: 'a child grows up watching violence he tries to normalise that in his surroundings' and 'the government has to put strict order in the film industry.'
How to Improve
To improve, expand on the reasons for agreement or disagreement with more detailed evidence or studies. Discuss potential counterarguments to show balance. For the steps, propose concrete actions like parental controls, media literacy programs, or rating systems, and explain how they would work.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic introduction and conclusion but is presented as a single paragraph, which hinders organization. Cohesive devices like 'thus' are overused and sometimes misapplied, leading to awkward connections between ideas. The flow is disrupted by run-on sentences and lack of paragraphing.
Examples
Repetitive use of 'thus' in 'Thus if a child grows up...' and 'Thus in this way...' without clear logical progression. The entire response is one block of text.
How to Improve
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs for each main point (e.g., influence on children, influence on teenagers, solutions), and a conclusion. Use a variety of linking words (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently) to improve flow and ensure each paragraph focuses on one central idea.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate, with frequent spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. Some terms are related to the topic but used repetitively. The range is basic, which restricts expression and precision.
Examples
Misspellings: 'devepment' for 'development', 'televisons' for 'television', 'activites' for 'activities', 'natonal' for 'national', 'goverment' for 'government'. Awkward phrasing: 'the screens we proceeds that allows us to do so.'
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by reading on social issues and media effects. Use a dictionary or spell-checker to correct errors. Practice using synonyms and more precise terms (e.g., 'aggression' instead of 'violence' where appropriate) to enhance lexical variety.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect tense usage, missing articles, and run-on sentences. These errors frequently impede understanding and reduce the clarity of the message. Sentence structures are mostly simple with attempts at complexity that are often flawed.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'it contribute' should be 'it contributes', 'they tries' should be 'they try'. Tense/word form errors: 'we get to exposed' should be 'we are exposed' or 'we get exposed'. Run-on sentence: 'From the very childhood... to do so.'
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Practice writing compound and complex sentences with correct punctuation. Proofread essays to identify and correct common errors. Consider using grammar exercises or tools to reinforce accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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