This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of media violence on behavior but lacks a thorough task response. The content omits critical actions to reduce violence and features several underdeveloped arguments, limiting its effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question · Violence · 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (263 words). However, it only partially addresses the task: while a clear position is presented (disagreement that media violence influences behavior), the second part of the question regarding steps to lessen violence is completely omitted. This significantly impacts the Task Response score. Additionally, the essay suffers from underdeveloped arguments, frequent lexical and grammatical errors, and weak coherence.
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Now a days the rate of the abuse has incresed in an unexpected ways. In social medias and televitions people can see these kind of activities continously . some people believe that these voilence has occured because of the media.while others think that is it comes from their own behaviour.I firmly agree with the second view that this problem occures because of their mind set.
one of the major resons is to me to agree with that point is then why other activities like good behaviours are not increased. if these films and other clips make people violence , when people watch good things the rate should increased.For example, who stay in a jail because of a bad behaviour like hit their parents ,can move to a better path while watching videos,films related to them.
secondly, people do not follow these kind of televion casts .real people: their parents, their relatives, and their siblings." title="Correction: They follow real people: their parents, their relatives, and their siblings.">They are following real people.their parents ,their relatives,their siblings.So, if these group of people do have voilence behaviour others follo them. if they have good behaviour people follow them expect violence . For example, Good parents have good children, but if they have bad friends, they also become bad." title="Correction: Good parents have good children, but if they have bad friends, they also become bad.">good parents have good children.but if they have bad friends they also become bad.
In conclusion, media can not do anything on people mind . What people do is following real roles . if telivision influnce to increased rate of abuse in society it should increased good things as well. Human are Human .they only follow Human behaviour that they seen by their own eyes . there for I highly dis agree with the people who beleived televions and media effection on harmful behaviours.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
18 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| a days | Nowadays |
| incresed | increased |
| medias | media |
| televitions | television |
| continously | continuously |
| voilence | violence |
| occured | occurred |
| occures | occurs |
| resons | reasons |
| televion | television |
| follo | follow |
| telivision | television |
| influnce | influence |
| there for | therefore |
| dis agree | disagree |
| beleived | believed |
| televions | television |
| effection | effect |
Grammatical Mistakes
19 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| in an unexpected ways | in unexpected ways | Article-noun agreement: 'an' is singular, but 'ways' is plural; use no article with plural noun. |
| these kind of activities | these kinds of activities | Demonstrative-noun agreement: 'these' is plural, so use 'kinds' with plural noun 'activities'. |
| these voilence has occured | this violence has occurred | Uncountable noun: 'violence' is uncountable, so use 'this' instead of 'these' with singular verb. |
| that is it comes | that it comes | Redundant verb: remove 'is' to form a correct noun clause. |
| problem occures because of their mind set | problem occurs because of their mindset | Word form: 'mindset' is a compound word, and verb should be 'occurs' for third-person singular. |
| one of the major resons is to me to agree with that point is then why other activities like good behaviours are not increased | One major reason I agree with this point is that if media causes violence, why haven't positive behaviors increased? | Run-on sentence and incorrect structure: simplify and use conditional clause for clarity. |
| if these films and other clips make people violence | if these films and other clips make people violent | Adjective required: after 'make people', use adjective 'violent' instead of noun 'violence'. |
| the rate should increased | the rate should increase | Modal verb usage: after modal 'should', use base form of verb 'increase'. |
| who stay in a jail because of a bad behaviour like hit their parents ,can move to a better path | those who are in jail because of bad behavior, such as hitting their parents, can improve | Article usage and verb form: 'jail' usually no article, 'behavior' uncountable, use gerund 'hitting', and rephrase for clarity. |
| people do not follow these kind of televion casts | people do not follow these kinds of television shows | Plural form and word choice: use 'kinds' with plural, and 'television shows' is more standard. |
| They are following real people.their parents ,their relatives,their siblings | They follow real people: their parents, their relatives, and their siblings. | Sentence fragment and punctuation: combine sentences and use colon or list with commas and conjunction. |
| if these group of people do have voilence behaviour others follo them | if this group of people has violent behavior, others follow them | Subject-verb agreement: 'group' is singular, so use 'has' and 'this'; correct spelling and word form. |
| if they have good behaviour people follow them expect violence | if they have good behavior, people follow them, except for violence | Punctuation and word choice: add comma after clause, and use 'except for' to mean excluding violence. |
| good parents have good children.but if they have bad friends they also become bad | Good parents have good children, but if they have bad friends, they also become bad. | Capitalization and commas: start sentence with capital, use comma before 'but' and after conditional clause. |
| media can not do anything on people mind | media cannot do anything to people's minds | Preposition and possessive: use 'to' for influence, and 'people's minds' for possessive plural. |
| What people do is following real roles | What people do is follow real role models | Verb form and word choice: after 'is', use base form 'follow', and 'role models' is more precise. |
| if telivision influnce to increased rate of abuse in society it should increased good things as well | if television influences the increase in the abuse rate in society, it should also increase good behaviors | Word form and verb tense: use 'influences' with noun phrase, and 'increase' as base verb after 'should'. |
| Human are Human .they only follow Human behaviour that they seen by their own eyes | Humans are human. They only follow human behavior that they see with their own eyes. | Capitalization and verb tense: 'Humans' plural, use lowercase for 'human', and present tense 'see' instead of 'seen'. |
| there for I highly dis agree with the people who beleived televions and media effection on harmful behaviours | Therefore, I highly disagree with people who believe that television and media have an effect on harmful behaviors. | Spelling, word choice, and clause structure: correct spelling, use 'believe' for present tense, and add 'that' for noun clause. |
Vocabulary Improvements
16 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| social medias | social media | Incorrect term: 'social media' is a mass noun and typically used in singular form. |
| televitions | television | Incorrect word: 'television' is the standard term for the broadcast medium. |
| these kind of activities | such activities or these types of behaviors | Vague phrasing: use 'such activities' for brevity or 'behaviors' for more precision. |
| make people violence | make people violent or incite violence | Wrong collocation: 'violent' is the adjective form; 'incite violence' is a more direct phrase. |
| move to a better path | reform or improve their behavior | Colloquial expression: use 'reform' or 'improve their behavior' for academic tone. |
| televion casts | television programs or TV shows | Informal/non-standard term: 'television programs' is more appropriate in formal writing. |
| real people | individuals in their immediate environment or people in their lives | Vague: specify 'individuals in their immediate environment' for clarity. |
| voilence behaviour | violent behavior | Incorrect collocation: use 'violent behavior' as standard term. |
| good behaviour | positive behavior | Informal: 'positive behavior' is more precise and academic. |
| expect violence | except for violence | Word confusion: 'expect' means anticipate; 'except for' means excluding. |
| good parents have good children | parents who model positive behavior raise children who emulate it | Simplistic: rephrase for nuance and academic style. |
| media can not do anything on people mind | media cannot influence people's minds | Vague phrasing: 'influence' is more precise than 'do anything on'. |
| real roles | role models or real-life examples | Imprecise: 'role models' is clearer for people who are emulated. |
| Human are Human | Humans are inherently social or Humans are influenced by their surroundings | Tautological: rephrase to add meaningful content for argument. |
| they only follow Human behaviour that they seen by their own eyes | they only emulate behavior that they witness directly | Informal: 'emulate' and 'witness directly' are more formal alternatives. |
| effection | effect or impact | Incorrect word: 'effect' is the noun form meaning result or influence. |
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The writer expresses a clear disagreement with the statement, arguing that violence stems from personal mindset and real-life influences rather than media. However, the essay fails to address the required component about steps to reduce violence, which is a major omission. Arguments are presented but are underdeveloped and lack depth, with examples that are not fully relevant or explained.
Examples
The example about prisoners watching videos to reform is not effectively linked to the main argument. No steps to lessen violence are proposed.
How to Improve
Always ensure that all parts of the prompt are answered. For this question, explicitly discuss practical measures to reduce violence in society. Develop arguments with more specific, relevant examples and explain how they support your position.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is often awkward, and cohesive devices are rarely used. Paragraphing is present but transitions between paragraphs and within sentences are weak, making the essay difficult to follow at times.
Examples
The shift from the first body paragraph to the second is abrupt. Sentences like 'secondly, people do not follow these kind of televion casts' lack linking words to connect to previous ideas.
How to Improve
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'however,' 'furthermore,' 'for instance') to link ideas logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress smoothly. Practice organizing essays with clear outlines before writing.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with frequent spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. The range of lexical items is insufficient for a higher band, and errors sometimes obscure meaning.
Examples
Misspellings: 'voilence' (violence), 'occures' (occurs), 'resons' (reasons), 'telivision' (television). Inaccurate word choice: 'abuse' used interchangeably with 'violence' without clarity.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by reading widely and noting new words in context. Use a dictionary to check spellings and meanings. Practice using synonyms and more precise terminology. Avoid repeating the same words frequently.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent throughout the essay, affecting clarity and communication. Sentence structures are mostly simple, and attempts at complex sentences often result in errors. Issues include incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement, articles, pluralization, and punctuation.
Examples
Errors in the first sentence: 'Now a days the rate of the abuse has incresed in an unexpected ways.' (multiple errors: 'a days' should be 'adays' or 'these days', 'incresed' is misspelt, 'an unexpected ways' has article and plural issues). Other examples: 'if these films and other clips make people violence' (incorrect use of 'violence' as a verb).
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses, but ensure they are grammatically correct. Proofread your essays to identify and correct errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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