This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the influence of movie violence on youth behavior. While addressing the topic, the essay struggles with clarity and logical structure, affecting overall impact. Explore specific feedback for improvement.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Two-part Question Β· Violence Β· 40 min
Numerous people think that the quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences the behaviour of our young people and, as a result, raises the level of violence in our society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? What steps may be taken in the present to lessen violence?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth in discussing the extent of agreement and proposed solutions. It relies heavily on personal anecdotes without broader analysis. Language errors in spelling, grammar, and word choice reduce clarity and impact. The word count is sufficient (approximately 310 words).
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Now a days the more violence in a movie, the higher its rating be and the more people are interested in watching it. This gives the movie industry a false postive affrimation, which directly leads to higher investments, and more violence.
Me personally growing up I had a very limited amount of screen time, which was not pleasent at the time, but the older I got, the more I understood what a previlage that was. My parents gave the a violence free, innocent, even smart I might say, brain, which I am very greatfull for now. Had not been for my parents, I would have been at most one third of the person I am now.
I first hand have witnessed what this kind of "entertainment" does to young mind through my friends younger brother. He gets very emotional and aggressive over small things like getting the remote. He thinks screeming and physical rage will get him what he wants, which is really not how the world actually works. In his age, kids are not abel to comprehend how "give and take" works, and should not learn basic human interaction from this industry, where it's monitizing time and resource, on the viewers, in this case the kids expense.
With that said, there are still an enourmous amount of entertainment tailered to kids and young adults. Screeing those, monitoring what they see while balancing their freedom, falls in the hand of the parents or garden resposnible in rasing them.
To conclude, I strongly agree on the idea that suggests quantity of violence seen on television and in movies influences how young people behave, and is the responsibility of who every is rasing the child to filter and supervise what his/her child is watching. Which brings a very big and noticable impact on the childs development.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
17 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| Now a days | Nowadays |
| postive | positive |
| affrimation | affirmation |
| pleasent | pleasant |
| previlage | privilege |
| greatfull | grateful |
| screeming | screaming |
| abel | able |
| monitizing | monetizing |
| enourmous | enormous |
| tailered | tailored |
| Screeing | Screening |
| garden | guardian |
| resposnible | responsible |
| rasing | raising |
| noticable | noticeable |
| childs | child's |
Grammatical Mistakes
14 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| the higher its rating be | the higher its rating is | Verb form error; use 'is' for present tense |
| Me personally growing up | Personally, growing up | Incorrect pronoun case; 'me' should not be used as subject |
| My parents gave the a violence free | My parents gave me a violence-free | Missing indirect object and article; 'the' should be 'me', and hyphenate 'violence-free' |
| Had not been for my parents | Had it not been for my parents | Incomplete conditional structure; add 'it' |
| I first hand have witnessed | I have witnessed firsthand | Word order; place 'firsthand' after the verb |
| to young mind | to young minds | Noun number error; use plural 'minds' for general reference |
| through my friends younger brother | through my friend's younger brother | Possessive form missing; use 'friend's' |
| In his age | At his age | Preposition error; use 'at' for age |
| from this industry, where it's monitizing time and resource, on the viewers, in this case the kids expense. | from this industry, which monetizes time and resources at the viewers' expense, particularly the children's. | Run-on sentence; correct punctuation, possessive forms, and word choice |
| there are still an enourmous amount of entertainment | there is still an enormous amount of entertainment | Subject-verb agreement; 'amount' is singular, so use 'is' |
| falls in the hand of the parents or garden resposnible in rasing them. | falls into the hands of the parents or guardians responsible for raising them. | Preposition error ('in' to 'into'), word choice ('garden' to 'guardians'), and phrasing ('in rasing' to 'for raising') |
| I strongly agree on the idea | I strongly agree with the idea | Preposition error; use 'agree with' for ideas |
| who every is rasing the child | whoever is raising the child | Word choice and spelling; 'every' should be 'ever' but 'whoever' is correct |
| Which brings a very big and noticable impact | This brings a very significant and noticeable impact | 'Which' should not start a new sentence; use 'This'. Also, 'big' is vague; use 'significant' |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| false postive affrimation | false sense of validation | 'Affirmation' is awkward here; 'false sense of validation' is more precise |
| physical rage | physical aggression | 'Rage' is emotional; 'aggression' is better for behavior |
| give and take | give-and-take | Hyphenate when used as a compound noun |
| monitizing time and resource | monetizing time and resources | Correct spelling and use plural 'resources' |
| enourmous amount | significant amount | 'Enormous' is informal; 'significant' is more academic |
| garden | guardian | Wrong word; 'garden' is a place, not a person |
| big | significant | 'Big' is vague and informal; use more precise language |
| first hand | firsthand | Use the standard adverb form 'firsthand' |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The writer agrees with the statement and uses personal examples to support the view, but the development is limited. The second part on steps to lessen violence is briefly mentioned without elaboration or specific measures.
Examples
Personal experience with limited screen time and the example of a friend's younger brother becoming aggressive. The solution suggested is parental monitoring.
How to Improve
Expand on the extent of agreement by discussing both sides of the argument or providing more societal evidence. Detail specific steps to reduce violence, such as government regulations, rating systems, media literacy education, and parental guidance programs.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but the flow between ideas is uneven. Cohesive devices are used sparingly, and paragraphing could be more logical.
Examples
The first paragraph introduces movie ratings, then abruptly shifts to personal experience. The transition 'With that said' is used but not effectively linked to previous ideas.
How to Improve
Use a clear paragraph structure: one for introduction, one for reasons for agreement, one for steps, and one for conclusion. Employ linking words (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore) to connect ideas smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is basic with frequent spelling errors and inappropriate word choices, which sometimes obscure meaning.
Examples
Misspellings: 'previlage' (privilege), 'greatfull' (grateful), 'screeming' (screaming), 'abel' (able), 'monitizing' (monetizing). Inaccurate word: 'garden' likely meant 'guardian'.
How to Improve
Expand topic-related vocabulary (e.g., 'media influence', 'aggression', 'regulation'). Practice spelling and use a dictionary or spell-check. Avoid informal terms and ensure word choice fits academic context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with errors in verb forms, articles, prepositions, and punctuation.
Examples
Incorrect: 'the higher its rating be' (should be 'is'), 'Me personally growing up' (better: 'Personally, growing up'), 'Had not been for my parents' (should be 'Had it not been'), 'In his age' (should be 'At his age').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, tenses, and articles. Practice writing complex sentences using relative clauses and conjunctions. Proofread carefully to correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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